ICYMI: Prison Break Can Really Do Things to a Man

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Wow. Wentworth Miller has deservedly risen to the top of TV’s hottest men thanks to his starring role on the show Prison Break. But take a look at this clip from Popular a few years ago, where Wenty was slightly miscast as an effeminate dance instructor replete with a “Manazon” track jacket. Watching the clip, it’s nice to know that he’d be open to dropping the soap in the prison shower if the script called for it.

(Link via ONTD!)

While You Were Putting The ‘Hump’ In Hump Day

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  • Football superstar Terrell Owens reportedly attempted suicide by overdosing on pain medication. To find out what this means for your fantasy team, check out Eric Karabell’s emergency live ESPN.com chat at noon.
  • The drummer of Papa Roach has incited a feud with the bassist of Fall Out Boy. Authorities (and fans of good music) are hoping it reaches a bloody conclusion sooner rather than later.
  • Lawyer Howard K. Stern has revealed he’s the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. And as her lawyer, he’s entitled to 11.2% of that baby, which he plans on collecting ASAP.
  • Paris Hilton is facing drunk driving charges stemming from her arrest on September 7. The LAPD wants to prove the point that celebrities are not above the law… and they plan on continuing to make that point until they let her off with nothing but a warning.
  • Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin always felt he would die early. He started feeling that way when he noticed his job description included the words “hunting” and “crocodiles”.

SIZZLER: The Dirty Screech

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screech3.jpgI’m not sure what Mr. Belding would have to say about this report of an alleged sex tape that graphically depicts Dustin Diamond (known better as Saved By the Bell’s Screech) engaging in 3-way sex with two women and pulling some pretty disgusting moves out of his bag of tricks, inluding the dreaded “Dirty Sanchez”. These kinds of antics are to be expected from the likes of Zach Morris or Jesse Spano (ever see Showgirls?), and maybe even AC Slater (if the threesome were with two other dudes) – but Screech!?! What more of an indictment could our culture receive than the filmed sex acts of a goofy-but-likeable Bayside Tiger? Once the tape finds its inevitable home on the Internets, we’re all going to have to ask ourselves a very serious – and very important – question: will we watch it? Could our fragile psyches really handle the image of Screech giving some groupie (please god let it not be Paris Hilton) a Dirty Sanchez? Such devastating philosophical questions should not even be posed at this early morning hour.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, September 26th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, September 26th! Alan Noah is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing With The Stars, Law & Order, and Nip/Tuck!

…OF THE DAY

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  • NOT-SO-GOOD THING: Martha Stewart says she’d like to have Eminem as a guest on her show. Maybe he could even share his famous recipe for Wife-Beaten Eggs! (Yahoo! News)
  • SWEET, SWEET REVENGE: Limewire is turning the tables and suing the RIAA. Download THAT, b*tches! (Consumerist)
  • COMING FROM BEHIND: Clay Aiken bumps Justin Timberlake from the top…of the charts! (Idolator)
  • SNAPPY COMEBACK: Personally responding to the people behind “RachelRaySux.com” in an Esquire column, Rachel Ray threatens to start a site of her own called “you know what YOU suck.com”. (Esquire)
  • IMPROVEMENT TO HBO-RING: This parody of Entourage, entitled Group of Guys, is funnier than even Ari’s most well-timed racial/homophobic slurs. (MollyGood)

ICYMI: Apple’s Apocalypto

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If you’re terribly bored and feeling like your daily levels of Mel Gibson Insantity are a little low, you can go to this Apple Trailers page, click on the smallest HD version (480p) of the TEASER, pause at 1:46, and click frame-by-frame (using right arrow key) until you come across this little shot of a Wild-Eyed Gibson hanging out with a few of his Mayan friends that could only be the handy-work of some wise-ass editor (perhaps of Jewish descent?) with an axe to grind. Oy vey!

BWE PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Billy Bob’s Board For Scoundrels

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School For Scoundrels starring Billy Bob Thornton, Napoleon Dynamite, and a slew of amazing comedians (including David Cross, Sarah Silverman, and our very own Paul Scheer) opens this Friday. To celebrate, we’re holding a little photoshop contest.

Click below to get a Billy Bob/ blackboard picture to work with. Then send your creations to contests@bwe.tv. Nothing is off limits. We’ll post some of our favorite ones throughout the week, then on Friday we’ll hand out a prize to the best of the best. So get to work… and good luck, you scoundrels, you.

Read more…

REVIEW: Liquid Cocaine: Cayenne You Say Nasty?

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COCAINECAN.jpgWe here at BWE were lucky enough to sample the not-yet-released Cocaine in a Can, and wanted to give our opinion on the only legal, liquid alternative to powdered heaven. The drink claims to be 350 times stronger than Red Bull, and lasts for up to 5 hours. Upon first can-cracking, it smells like cherries, and when poured, resembles clown piss. While it has been described as tasting “like a Jolly Rancher”, we had a different take. Our reactions evolved from “Oh God, it burns” to “(hysterical coughing)” to “I can’t… I can’t feel my chest… it’s on fire!” Yes, what the creators of Cocaine in a Can won’t tell you is that its main ingredient is cayenne pepper (or some much cooler “illegal” pepper). 30 minutes later, our mouths are still burning. This is perhaps an attempt to recreate the “drip” we’re told snorting cocaine causes, albeit in a completely opposite fashion.

But what’s a little “my face is exploding” for the inimitable paranoia that comes along with a night of rail-blowing? Translation: Does this crap get you high? Well, let’s see… We’re currently typing at 200 words per minute while constantly checking over our shoulders for celebrities/ex-boyfriends. And our teeth hurt. And, no lie, our chests our still burning. But we’re not looking any skinnier, that’s for def. And our co-worker, who is “sensitive to caffeine”, has a splitting headache. (Note to self: Do not drink cocaine @ work.com)

Keep reading for the verdict!

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LISTEN UP: 3 Is The Magic Number

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  • Pop Tarts Suck Toasted has three tracks off the new Killers album that comes out next week. Head on over there now to download “Sam’s Town”, “When You Were Young”, and the unfortunately titled “Bling (Confessions Of A King)”.
  • Idolator has three tracks from Outkast’s Idlewild.
  • Water All Around has three tracks from Ben Kweller’s new album, cleverly titled Ben Kweller.
  • Jeddeth has fallen in love with The Features and is posting three tracks today, one off Exhibit A, one from their new EP, and one track that’s never been released.
  • And finally, My Music Trivia has three tracks from Blur, including the classic “Girls & Boys”. Dance your ass off.

SIZZLER: Is Tori Spelling Preggers?

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71869207.jpgAccording to ubiquitous fly-o-the-wall Perez Hilton, Kathy Griffin has broken the news that (friend? fellow d-lister?) Tori Spelling is pregnant, we assume thanks to husband Dean McDermott. While the news isn’t official yet, we happen to peruse some recent photos of Tori, and we definitely notice a unusual belly protuberance from the normally stick-thing Spelling. She’s also been sporting maternity wear, folks. This worries us: Seeing as Tori is out of her billionaire father Aaron Spelling‘s will, how on earth will she afford the Gucci bassinet, chinchilla diapers and the illegal-nanny farm the family has been using for generations? We’re willing to give her $20 for first dibs on the baby pics, and she should be grateful for the offer.

In other baby news, Katie Holmes is laying down the common law with baby daddy Tom Cruise: You wanna ‘nother kid, you bettah put a ring on this finger! Katie refuses to have Tom’s second child until marriage. Right on, Dead-Eyes Watson! It’s never too late to be a lady.