PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Jessica Gives A Sign

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Guess what: Jessica Simpson lost her voice and has been reduced to carrying around a sign. Lucky for us, BWE.tv readers are here to help. Check out some of favorite entries so far, then make your own by clicking here. Email your entries to contests@bwe.tv. Have fun!

CELEBRITY MATH: Mugshot Edition

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Take a look at today’s round of celebrity math. Which celebrity mugshot does the following equation equal?

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(Mugshot courtesy of TMZ) (We would also like to add that “The Square Root of Nolte” would make for a great band name.)

ICYMI: iPod + Colbert = Awesome

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When sudden Webgod Stephen Colbert threw down his “Green Screen Challenge”, encouraging viewers to manipulute footage of him pantomiming the famed “Star Wars Kid” viral video, I wonder if he thought he’d get anything as creative as the submission below, which we found over at TV Squad.

Get These MFing Snakes Out My MFing Garage!

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SNAKESPLANE1.JPGMost people, including ourselves, turn to Ebay to find beloved goods that have virtually disappeared from store shelves: Fleece Laura Ashley tunics, nubuck Birkenstocks, tattered clown dolls. But one literaly genius has taken this summer’s internet phenomenon, Snakes on a Plane, and turned it into an interactive movie of sorts! In a fun and visually exciting Ebay listing, the seller (aka “proximityfx”) offers up “The Official Un-Official Snakes on a Fisher-Price Plane Little People Action Airport & Fun-Jet Set.” The set comes with a plastic plane, little plastic people (easily devoured by snakes or your family dog), and a bag of ginormous (replica) snakes. (Imagination sold separately. Am I right, America?)

Is more convincing needed? It’s a Fun-Jet Set folks! There’s even a little black, bald plastic Samuel L. Jackson! (Link via Goldenfiddle)

p.s. We just want to add one thing. Forget the hype: Snakes on a Plane was really the most movie fun we’ve had all summer. Try and see it before it’s relegated to TBS.

LISTEN UP: Hipsterrific!

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  • Those indie rock snobs over at Pitchfork put down their pretenses long enough to post a new track from The Decemberists.
  • Stereogum says that Land of Talk is a band to watch, so if you’re eyes aren’t immediately glued to them, you’re clearly neither hip nor cool.
  • Without even listening to their music, I have a hunch that Margot and the Nuclear So So’s might be the coolest band ever – go to MOKB and see whether you agree.
  • Watch your back, Danny Elfman! The Rawking Refuses to Stop thinks that Hylozoists would compose some pretty amazing film scores.
  • Surviving the Golden Age has a bunch of just-released tracks, unironically putting a new Bob Dylan tune right next to one from Young Dro. Hey, it takes all kinds.

GAMETIME: Guess The Celebrity!

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Who’s this beautiful tub of lard barrelling through St. Tropez, France? Is it:

a) a slimmed-down Rosie O’Donnell
b) a back-from-the-dead Chris Penn
c) a back-from-the-dead Steven Seagal
d) a neatly trimmed Adam Duritz

The answer is in the Comments. Good luck!

CBS Tricks with Slimmer Couric Photo!

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We were shocked to learn this morning that CBS was pulling the boucle over our eyes. A photo of new CBS anchorwoman Katie Couric depicts the media titan as a little less “periody” or “bloated” — 20 pounds thinner, according to the New York Post. The difference really is incredible! It’s not as if Katie Couric has a weight problem — hell, her gams alone garner front page news — but after seeing the before-and-after versions of Katie Couric, we hate to say it… but she looks better in the touch-up! Check out the difference!

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SIZZLER: Michael Lohan Criticizes His Art

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(Click image to view larger size.)

If our original explanation of Michael Lohan’s cartoon prison art didn’t answer your many questions about the significance of all it’s complex imagery, the artist has made a statement explaining his masterpiece to gossip columnist Lloyd Grove of the NY Daily News. Read it if you want, but we still think our detailed analysis makes the most sense.

No Hard Feelings, Tom

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top gun.JPGYou know how when a movie comes out they make specific commercials for specific channels? Like, for example, a Jerry Maguire commercial on ESPN would play up the sports angle but a Jerry Maguire commercial on Lifetime would play up the love story angle? Well, now that Tom Cruise & Paramount have parted ways, Viacom has a new angle to play up while promoting Tom’s movies: the Tom’s Bats**t Crazy angle. Take this Top Gun commercial that aired on SpikeTV.

Burnnnnnnnnn. I don’t even want to think about what LOGO’s going to do with the “You can ride my tail anytime” line.

(Link via Gawker)