You would never think that a girl named Kellie “With an IE not Y” Pickler (nÃ©e “Dilly of a”) grew up riding horses around a lollipop ranch, baking pies with her Grandma — Nanns — and having tea parties with every Beanie Baby ever made in her life-sized Barbie Dreamhouse. You would not expect Ms. Pickler, the blonde southern charmer who won hearts as a finalist on American Idol, to bust out with this doozy in the current issue of Us Magazine:
â€œI remember my mother and I were in the kitchen and I said, â€˜I wish God would take me away, Iâ€™d much rather be dead than live here with you.â€™ She took a knife out, set it on the counter and said, â€˜Here, do it then.â€™ I was in fourth grade. Of course I never would have acted upon it, but itâ€™s done a lot of emotional scarring.â€
Errrr…. wow. We have so… so many questions. Luckily, Us was there to put them in our own mouths:
How did Pickler overcome the abuse? What happened the last time she talked to her mother? Why is her relationship with her father still strained now that he’s been released from prison? Who does Pickler call her â€œangelâ€?
You gotta give the girl credit for not ending up in porn, seriously. And we never thought we’d say it but (clenched teeth) we have a whole new level of respect for Kellie Pickler. (loud exhale) There! We did it!
Can anyone tell us why this image pops up when you can’t figure out how to work your shiny new poop brown Zune? And, more importantly, can anyone tell us what in the hell is going on in this picture?
Is the Associated Press sexist? In a recent photograph of the incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the AP felt the need to include a description of what she was wearing in the Caption. Sure, the AP never went into detail about what Dennis Hastert wore, but we actually applaud them for showing restraint while captioning the first female Speaker of The House in history. The first draft looked like this:
Link via AMERICAblog
Casino Royale is almost in theaters, and we’re counting down the days. One of our favorite things about Bond films are the insanely “high-tech” gadgets given to him by Q, his gadgetry maven. Ex: “To an untrained eye, this looks like an ordinary rolling pin. But pull out one of the handles, and it turns into a combination AK47/Flamethrower.” Check out this list of the Top Ten 007 Gadgets, and note the evolution of cool spygear over the course of nearly half-a-century. We’re guessing this tiny yello helicopter seen above was the ultimate in high-tech when You Only Live Twice was released, and not the tiny, lady-like airplane it looks Sean Connery is flying above.
Our friends at Us Weekly obtained this EXCLUSIVE!!! photo of an angry missive from Kevin Federline, scrawled on the shower door of his dressing room after a recent House of Blues show nobody probably went to. Thus spoketh the Federdouche:
Today Iâ€™m a free man
Ladies look out
F*ck a wife
Give me my kids B*tch!
You ladies should indeed “look out”. There’s now a wife-beatered trash can with delusions of rap grandeur and a sharpie on the loose. His sperm is powerful, his prose is ridiculous, and he will not hesitate to attack you with life-ruining impregnation should you allow him to get get too close.
Not to be dethroned by Shawn and Marlon Wayans in the “Black People Using Prosthetics to Dress Up As Things They Are Actually Not” Movie Genre, Eddie Murphy is back in the fat suit for
Big Momma Medea’s Family Reunion with the Nutty Klumps Norbit, and based on what we’re seeing in this trailer, Eddie DID NOT forget to bring the funny. You’ve got your easy Carlos Mencia-esque racial stereotype jokes; you’ve got your slapsticky pratfalls, your repeated references to a pop song that was recently popular, and of course, the tried and true gold standard of the Eddie comedy – the hilariously angry overweight black woman character who’s actually played by Murphy himself. All the elements of a comedy classic in the making!
Before we get to our little showdown, check out the video in question: It’s the “Diet Coke + Mentos” guys on the Ellen Degeneres show yesterday.
Bob: Okay, we get it: when you drop Mentos into bottles of Diet Coke it causes an explosion. By now we’ve all seen it done onlineâ€¦ and hell, most of us have even tried it at home. It’s time to move on. What’s done is done. It’s old already. It’s boring. Enough with all the Mentos & Diet Coke on TV. Enough.
Michelle: I think it’s pretty.
Bob: F*ck You!
Michelle: No, f*ck you!
Hypothetically, let’s say you murdered two people in the early 90′s. Then, hypothetically, a jury of your peers found you Not Guilty despite damning DNA evidence and an alibi with more holes in it than an old pair of gym socks. Hypothetically, let’s say that regardless of the verdict, everybody still suspects you did it (oh, side note: hypothetically, you were one hell of a running back in the NFL, but that’s besides the point.) Wouldn’t you, hypothetically, write a book about how you would’ve done it (if you did it), and appear in a TV special titled If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened. You would, right? Hypothetically.
Well, O.J. would. And he is, during a two-part interview scheduled to air on Fox. Their website already has a killer sneak peek, with O.J. declaring “I don’t think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood,” before breaking down in tears. Hypothetical tears, I think.
So set your TIVO’s for November 27 & 29. Fox has dubbed it “the interview that will shake the nation.” Because “the interview that will sneak up on the nation and stab them numerous times” would be just a little too much. Hypothetically.