According to MSNBC’s The Scoop, in the final hours of her life outside of matrimony, Tom Cruise & Scientology’s bride-to-be Katie Holmes spent $3,000 on “lacy underthings” during a recent pre-marriage shopping spree in LA. While this news is most certainly adorable, it would seem that our naive little darling is either a) under the misconception that marriage will have a negligible impact on Tom’s sexual interest in her, or b) making one last desperate attempt at convincing herself that Tom’s “tendencies” can be controlled by $3,000 worth of panties. Either way, we wish her the best of luck and hope that, if the skimpy new skivvies don’t work out, not to give up entirely – there’s always roofies.
This Friday marks a historical day in the realm of swanky British cinema, as a brand new James Bond is released into the wild. Daniel Craig will reprise the role made famous by so many other cads in the new Bond flick Casino Royale. So far, the reviews are nothing short of raving, and Craig is said to bring a much-needed seriousness to the part. But how will the movie stack up to its predecessors? Film site Cinematical has compiled every James Bond trailer from the past 45 years for your enjoyment. The earlier ones are campy in the best way, while those from the 80′s starring Roger Moore look more like a David Hasselhoff production. Try to watch as many as you can to gear up for Friday, and let us know which Bond movie is your favorite. Here’s our favorite one: Goldfinger with Sean Connery.
Do you recognize the pleasantly plump gentleman to the right? Of course you do! It’s everybody’s favorite racist frat boy from Borat and the reigning BWE Daily Douche, Justin Seay.
The fine folks at Collegehumor were able to hunt down the cache of Justin’s recently deleted MySpace profile. Studying the page, we learned that before Justin suffered “humiliation, mental anguish, emotional and physical distressâ€ he was just a good ol’ boy like you and me. He looked up to Jack Bauer, loved the NFL and Nascar, played guitar, and didn’t read anything because he “don’t have to.” And, oh yeah, he hated minorities. For some reason he forgot to mention that.
You can check out Justin’s page here. But don’t be too hard on the guy– who hasn’t slipped up and said disparaging things about minorities to a man pretending to be a foreign reporter when they were in college? Everybody does! It’s college! That’s what you do! Right?
“Here’s a note to stars: When you make a sex tape it always comes back to bite you in that certain area you chose to bare on screen. You follow?”
I couldn’t say it any better myself, completely disposable FoxNews anchor. With a rumored Britney/K-Fed sex tape about to rear it’s ugly (and we mean ugly) head, the people over at Fox report Mr. Fed has already been offered $50 million for the 4-hour long tape. Me? I find it hard to believe Kevin Federline has ever worked for 4 hours on anything.
Video via Gawker
- “So what? Mah– (hiccup) mah baby’zh gonna be juh… juhsht fine. It’sh only a — (waving us closer and whispering) — a little red wine. (Slips off her stool onto huge belly.)” — fake quote courtesy of actress, mom and wine enthusiast Rachel Weisz.
- Ellen Pompeo got engaged to her boyfriend of three years, Dr. McScreamy.
- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt‘s (wax figures) have have called off their wedding!!! Sources say her heart is melting — ahh-liiiiihterally.
- Speaking of weddings, Scientologist ministers offer new grooms a play-by-play instruction book for “What Women Want” during the marriage ceremony: “â€œNow, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.” A cat is a great idea — Katie Holmes will need something to keep her warm in bed these nesxt 3 or so years.
- Page Six offers up two blind items, and without giving too much away, here is what we learn: Rhymes with Shmilly Shmoel is a cheap bastard of a drunk, and (surprise!) Shmitney Shmears was forced to have a Cesarean lest her baby be born wearing a coat of syphillis.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, November 13th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including How I Met Your Mother, Prison Break, Heroes, and Studio 60!
- CALL IT A COMEBACK: Tara Reid looks… good. Wait, what? How are we supposed to deal with this? (Hollywoodtuna)
- K-Fed finally found a place to go where he’s appreciated: Wal*Mart. Maybe they’ll hire him. (TMZ)
- THEORETICAL QUESTION: If somebody makes a “You’re with me, leather” reference on a show that nobody watches, did it ever happen at all? Apparently. (Deadspin)
- GOOD NEWS FOR PEDOPHILES: Dateline has fired 17 employees, making it even trickier to Catch A Predator. (The Huffington Post)
- GOOD NEWS FOR MUSIC SNOBS: What are your favorite indie-rockers listening to? Now there’s an easy way to find out. (PopCandy)
First things first, we want to point out the striking similarities between Tobey Maguire as “Evil Spiderman” and Hitler as “Hitler“:
Moving along! Forget that other Spiderman 3 trailer you saw a few days back… Here is the super-sized, un-cut, kick-ass trailer scheduled to be released in theaters this spring. Parts of it are still animation only, and while it’s not fully glossed over, this trailer is a welcomed donkey punch to your cerebral cortex. Plus, the last frame is so startling and scary that we kind of can’t believe it’s in the movie.
[removed for legal reasons! feel free to search Google Video, though.]
Here are some of todayâ€™s most memorable pictures. Click the orange â€œleft and rightâ€ arrows to flip through them all.
Meet Justin Seay. This killer college dude-bro is best known for his star-making turn in the Borat movie, in which he gives a tour-de-force perfmance playing himself in a scene that consists of pouring cheap beer down his bloated throat, making matter-of-fact racist remarks about the “good old days of slavery”, and disrespecting women in ways that would make Howard Stern blush. Despite the fact that his dream of becoming the most unlikable human being on the face of the earth has been given a big boost by the box office success of Borat, Mr. Seay claims to now be suffering “humiliation, mental anguish, emotional and physical distress, los sof reputation, goodwill and good-standing in the community” on account of on-screen behavior. Now, I just can’t imagine why Mr. Seay, who so amazingly represents himself all on his own (nice shirt stain, Porky!), would be negatively affected by being featured as one of the very funniest parts of the funniest movie of the year. Furthermore, Seay wasn’t coaxed or tricked into behaving the way he did. He is the living, breathing, eating (lots of eating) embodiment of frat culture in this country (particularly the Southern region of this country), and his special kind of slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, unblinking and unbelievable ignorance is exactly why the rest of us have to deal with so much sh*tty sh*t like Girls Gone Wild, Triple Bacon Double Fried Pizza-Stuffed Cheeseburgers, retarded SUVs, Widespread Panic and America’s Next Top Loss of Dignity every time we turn on a f*cking television. This guy is the Daily Douche because he’s such a total douche literally every single day of his worthless little (okay, not so little) life.