I know… shocking!!! Don’t believe us? Have Bob Saget sing it to you himself, to the tune of “I Want It That Way”. No, really, listen. Any fan of Full House needs to hear it. Seriously. He talks about Kimmy Gibbler sex. Shudder.
(via eagle-eyed posters at ONTD)
The only real news about Katie Holmes’ upcoming betrothal to Tom Cruise and his Love Cult that is coming out of Italy is the news that the media actually creates itself out of a desperate need to cover something that has been meticulously designed to be a private affair. So when CBS’s The Insider told us to visit Italian-Weddings.com to get a better gander at the wedding castle chosen to mark the spot of this most intergalactic of unions, you knows we did that sh*t. But as we gazed fawningly at the wedding slideshow, hoping that we too can someday find a place equally as charming for our own fake marriage, something jumped out at us. Specifically, Kevin Nealon jumped out at us. So this weekend, as you’re getting all wrapped up in the TomKat marriage media circus, just know that the Nealonator boated those waters first.
As shouting at suitcases under the watchful gaze of Howie Mandel is a little too “low brow” for some people, our good friends at ABC have unveiled their latest attempt to up the bar of what we can expect from prime time TV game shows (a bar that is already set pretty high). So what CAN we expect? How about The Shat, a SUPER stoked gay guy, maniacal screaming, unnecessary dancing, awkward banter and a whole team of clueless showgirls who seem to have no idea what they’re doing there, all combined with the artful precision of a master composer to create a symphony of mind-blowing game show awesomeness.
Recognize this girl to your left? Well, unless you’re a member of the snobby L.A. Hollywood elite, you shouldn’t. Because the girl to your left, up until now, was nothing more than the child of a famous person. That is until the clouds parted, the heavens erupted into angelic chanting, and god reached down and anointed her flaxen-head as Miss Golden Globe 2007! She has a lot to look forward to — for over 40 years, MGG has featured some of the best and brightest spoiled celebrity kin, including Melanie Griffith and Laura Dern. The duties of Miss Golden Globe are exhausting: After putting on a highly-ornate gown (sometimes weight nearly 11 pounds), Miss Golden Globe is forced to stand on-stage and smile behind presenters/winners for upwards of three hours! Sometimes, she even carries the most coveted award in the universe on stage! Upon request, an oiled man in a terry-cloth diaper will follow her around the stage with an oversized fan and smelling salts, in case the duties become too much to bear.
So wonder who this lucky lady is? Can you guess? Here’s a hint: Her father is a mega-star, and her mother used to be a cocktail waitress who hit the sperm lottery. Find out the answer after the jump!
Clyde always wore blue socks to the gym, lest the guys saw his unsitely flipper fungus problem.
Hey! A penguin in socks! Caption it in the comments!
Our older readers might best remember Willie Aames as “Buddy Lembeck”, the wacky-but-lovable best “buddy” of Scott Baio’s character Charles, who’s in charge, on Charles In Charge. In the years following his star-making turn on the seminal sitcom about the challenges of babysitting, Aames went down the cliched path of child star excess and salvation – drinking and drugging himself all the way to Christ. He now lives a quiet, if slightly curious, Ted Nugent-like life in suburban Kansas, where he is an ordained minister and the host of a hunting show (all ordained ministers are required, by holy law and the laws of the State of Kansas, to be avid hunters). ANYWAY, as this Aames character has been flaunting his celebrity in our faces for so long now (it seems like every time we turn on the TV it’s Willie Aames this, Willie Aames that!), the ex-pseudo-celebrity crusaders over at RADAR really pulled one over on Willie, prank-calling and convincing him to lend his celebrity endoresement to a power sander that doesn’t even exist, causing hilarity to ensue. Oh man, this is even better than the time they toilet-papered the lawn of the fat kid from Monster Squad who didn’t think that wolfman had nards!
You would never think that a girl named Kellie “With an IE not Y” Pickler (nÃ©e “Dilly of a”) grew up riding horses around a lollipop ranch, baking pies with her Grandma — Nanns — and having tea parties with every Beanie Baby ever made in her life-sized Barbie Dreamhouse. You would not expect Ms. Pickler, the blonde southern charmer who won hearts as a finalist on American Idol, to bust out with this doozy in the current issue of Us Magazine:
â€œI remember my mother and I were in the kitchen and I said, â€˜I wish God would take me away, Iâ€™d much rather be dead than live here with you.â€™ She took a knife out, set it on the counter and said, â€˜Here, do it then.â€™ I was in fourth grade. Of course I never would have acted upon it, but itâ€™s done a lot of emotional scarring.â€
Errrr…. wow. We have so… so many questions. Luckily, Us was there to put them in our own mouths:
How did Pickler overcome the abuse? What happened the last time she talked to her mother? Why is her relationship with her father still strained now that he’s been released from prison? Who does Pickler call her â€œangelâ€?
You gotta give the girl credit for not ending up in porn, seriously. And we never thought we’d say it but (clenched teeth) we have a whole new level of respect for Kellie Pickler. (loud exhale) There! We did it!
Can anyone tell us why this image pops up when you can’t figure out how to work your shiny new poop brown Zune? And, more importantly, can anyone tell us what in the hell is going on in this picture?
Is the Associated Press sexist? In a recent photograph of the incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the AP felt the need to include a description of what she was wearing in the Caption. Sure, the AP never went into detail about what Dennis Hastert wore, but we actually applaud them for showing restraint while captioning the first female Speaker of The House in history. The first draft looked like this:
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