PROPPED: Baby Fight!

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SP Federline or The Brangelina Experiment: who would win a baby fight? Thanks to this video dropped by CynicallyTested we finally have an answer. Check it out.

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While You Were Fighting Off Your VMA Hangover

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  • Lindsay Lohan’s boyfriend, Harry Morton, is rumored to have purchased an engagement ring. Presumably because he intends to… marry Lindsay Lohan!?!? The poor soul.
  • Kevin Federline has finally signed a deal with a record label. Sadly, the deal isn’t “I promise I’ll stop rapping if you pay me a whole lot of money.”
  • Christian Slater stunned onlookers by running off with $7,000 worth of freebies at an MTV party. Onlookers were initially stunned when they discovered Christian Slater was actually invited to an MTV party.
  • Dave Grohl wants to get drunk with two Australian miners who listened to his music while trapped underground. Come on. Haven’t they suffered enough?
  • Vanity Fair is hiring armed guards to protect their Suri Cruise cover. The similarities to Area 51 are astounding, no?

Live-Blogging the VMA’s

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VMAindiecred2.JPG11:00 – This is an abomination. Society is doomed. Goodnight.

10:48 – I’m wasted now and finding it difficult to type, much less form coherent thoughts about AFI winning “Best Rock Video”. God is dead.

10:24Kanye gives a moving speech about film and video director Hype Williams, who has done just as much for black culture as Spike Lee, except with more unnecessary explosions, blinged out Bentleys, and half-naked women shakin’ they asses.

10:21Britney Spears and K-Fed attempt self-satire and somehow end up looking more retarded than they do in reality. How is that even possible?

10:19Jack White and the Raconteurs must be really proud of being reduced to the house band for MTV’s vortex of suck.

10:08 – Since OK Go re-enacted their treadmill routine live on the show, I think that Panic! at the Disco should re-enact getting hit in the face with a bottle for us. This music is terrible, and Top Hat Tommy the lead singer looks like what would would happen if Pete Doherty got wasted on smack, f*cked Brandon Flowers from The Killers, and managed to impregnate him.

10:04 – “Ringtone of the Year”!?!? Shouldn’t this just fall under “Song of the Year”, being that the quality of a song is pretty much the same, whether it’s coming out of your Bose sound-system or some douchebag’s Motorola Razr in the middle of a movie theater? And now the dude who won is actually thanking like a bajillion people he’s WRITTEN DOWN ON A CARD in preparation for winning RINGTONE OF THE YEAR! I’m speechless.

9:53 – Hahahahaha, can someone please tell me what the f*ck Jared Leto and his Hot Topic co-worker are talking about??? Is he saying he’s into group goth sex?

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…Of The Day

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  • TONGUE: Rosario Dawson’s. I think it may be larger than the pair of underwear she’s about to lick. (Celebutaint)
  • EXCITING HEADLINE: Optimus Prime Finally Revealed. Who doesn’t get pumped up reading that? (Popoholic)
  • TIMEWASTER: This will a) keep you busy for a while and b) make you think you’re artistically inclined. Don’t let it fool you. (JacksonPollock.org)
  • IRONIC ‘YOU’RE FIRED’: Carolyn, Donald Trump’s assistant who helps him decide who to fire on The Apprentice got the ax. That must’ve been awkward. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • PHOTOSHOP ENTRY: We had a ton of great ones, but this one (right) takes the poofy-coated cake. Congrats Tricia!

Tonight Is the Most Important Night of Your Life…

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…Because talentless pop stars will once again be making a spectacle of themselves in exchange for your continued interest in them on the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards! Even though MTV doesn’t play music videos anymore, if there’s one thing famous people need more of, it’s self-congratulatory award programs! That’s right, kiddies – tune into MTV tonight at watch all the inanity live at 8pm. A few more of our rejected VMA ads can be found after the jump!

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VH1 to Air First On-Camera Celebreality Murder

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Sizemore.JPGFine, we don’t know for sure that this will happen. Then again, when we caught wind of two new shows the divinely-entertaining/rent-paying VH1 plans on airing next Spring, it almost seems inevitable. Both Andrew Dice Clay and Tom Sizemore will be starring in their own Bonaduce-like reality shows, and strangely enough, both ideas make us want to 1. Set our Tivo’s to season pass these mf’s; and 2. Become secret cutters. Cameras will follow Clay around to various comedy clubs as he tries to regain some of the status and edge that made him a cult figure in the 1980′s, as well as footage from his rocky homelife. Leather jacket and Dep styling gel enthusiasts have never been more jazzed.

Sizemore’s show, however, won’t be all cotton candy and unicorns. The show will follow the troubled-but-now-sober actor to acting auditions and shooting locales, but will also “include flashbacks to his battles with drug and sexual addiction via tape he shot on his own.” Fourteen words: This is going to be hands down the best/most depressing show on television. And we’re not just saying that because the network puts food on the table (she says while taking a caviar bath.) And knowing Sizemore’s notoriously violent temper, odds are 3 to 5 that Tom strangles an incompetent intern within the first 4 weeks.

LISTEN UP: Or Feel The Rapture

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  • Okay, you can either head over to Indieblogheaven and download two tracks off the new Pete Yorn album that came out yesterday, or you can go out and buy the whole thing now. I recommend the latter.
  • Swoon wants to put some damn music in your face with 3 new tracks by The Rapture. Take it. Take it all.
  • Culture Bully posted both an mp3 and video of Outkast’s performance of “Morris Brown” from Letterman. The video is rumored to be 1,000 times more enjoyable than sitting through Idlewild.
  • The Scattermish Bloooog went nuts today, posting a 30 track hip hop/bass/electro mix featuring tracks by Jay-Z, Missy Elliot, Fergie, Spank Rock and a whole lot more. Go to town.
  • And finally, if you’ve been kind of down because your iPod doesn’t have nearly enough C&C Music Factory on it, today’s your lucky day. Digital Eargasm is gonna make you sweat.

ICYMI: Bottles! Thrown at the Band

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When the sad little emo rockers of Panic! At the Disco sauntered onto the stage at the Reading Festival in the UK, they probably thought they were pretty punk rock. However, they probably stopped thinking that somewhere around the time a large toothless soccer hooligan who resembles Vinnie Jones shouted, “Oy! What kind of tweedybird shite is this bollocks!?!” before throwing a half-full bottle of Boddington’s Ale at the lead singer’s face. Now THAT’S punk rock.

(via Rock & Roll Daily)

The Worst Near Nip Slip In The History of Mankind

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Some things don’t need explanation. In this case, the only thing we will say is that the tailor responsible for sewing those fettucini straps on Aretha Franklin should get his own bronze at the Vatican. We don’t know want to know what kind of prunes Aretha is hiding in that dress. Related question: Can battery acid in the eyes erase memories?

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