Elderly Conspiracy Alert: Two Bobs, One Man

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There’s nothing we like better than a little celebrity separated at birth. So when we noticed the beyond striking resemblance between two of our favorite elderly Bobs, we couldn’t help but share it with you, America. Do not donate this resemblance to your local shelter come Thankgiving; it’s uncanny. Which leads us to wonder… is Bob Barker actually Bob Uecker? You never see the two men together in the same place (urologist) at the same time (8 am, 9:30 am, respectively). And they both have the action figure white hairdo and startling permagrin of a man who has seen too much. But man old man, what we’d give to be one of “Uecker‘s Beauties.”

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p.s. Pour a lil’ out for Mr. Belvedere, ya’ll.
p.p.s. If either one of these guys (God forbid) drops in the next 2 weeks, I’m calling out psychic.

ICYMI: Crazy Art Imitates Crazy Life

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famous.jpgIt’s ironic that most people know Britist artist Banksy from tabloid stories about Paris Hilton Pranks, what Brangelina did last Thursday night, and why there are hooded Gitmo detainees in Disneyland, considering that these are the kinds of news sources his art so brilliantly criticizes. Check out these photos of his latest show “Barely Legal” (our favorites after the jump), which includes a pink-painted live elephant standing in a proverbial living room. Take a look and tell us what you think in the comments.

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LISTEN UP: The Indie Rock Strikes Braff

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  • Continuing with our Braff Bash day, Idolator rounds up a few of the latest indie rock rejects from The OC Season Six Soundtrack that have been changing Zach’s life.
  • Stereogum writes a sappy love letter to John Mayer and posts a new song so you, too, can see just how hard he rocks.
  • The Brooklyn Vegan posted a few tracks from Canadian hip-hopper Cadence Weapon, so you should go grab them right…aboot…now.
  • Head over to INDIEBLOGHEAVEN and d-load a couple tracks from Xiu Xiu, then be sure to go check out their new Sega Genesis-inspired music video.
  • I love Okkervil River and so does Said the Gramophone and so should Zach Braff and so should you. Go!

SIZZLER: Future Tara Reid Nip-Slips To Be Slightly Less Tara-fying

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Tara Reid, the big-breasted drunken trainwreck and former host of E!’s Taradise is rumored to have undergone surgery to reinvent herself as simply the drunken trainwreck and former host of E!’s Taradise.

tara.jpgAccording to the new issue of In Touch Weekly, the sometimes actress had surgery on September 7th at a Beverly Hills clinic to replace her implants with smaller ones in an attempt to resurrect her flagging career and her sagging chest!

Sure, Tara’s new implants will help her sagging chest; but her flagging career? We’ve all seen Skinemax, Tara. Considering you’re just a couple of years away from stepping into Shannon Tweed’s shoes for Indecent Behavior 4, you should remember this: On cable TV after 2 o’clock on a Saturday morning, More is More.

What a Croc! And Indestructible Too!

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CROCS.JPGWe are still quite baffled by the fashion trend o’ the sum-sum, Crocs, the plastic bacteria bootie that combines the sleek stylings of a wooden clog with the sophisticated color palette of a Hypercolor scrunchie. Overweight celebrities such as Mario Batali and Mario Batali (who cleans his in the dishwasher, for real) were seen all over the papers sporting their favorite pair of Crocs, and as the trend picked up steam, so did our hatred for mankind. Radar Online took the time to compile everything you ever wanted to know about these Roy G. Biv slip-ons, and whether you love em or hate em, it only goes to prove that with the right marketing, Americans will stop nothing short of poo-shoes to make a fashion statement.

Oh, and may we add: They’re completely undestructable. A billion years from now it’s going to be roaches in mini-Crocs roaming the deserted post-apocalyptic earth.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Bad, Braff and Beyond

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braffbeyond2.jpg1. We smell what the Rock is cooking, it’s just too bad that it smells like a cliche-ridden “troubled teens overcoming life obstacles through sports” movie we’ve already seen 400 times – $15 million

2. It’s mind-blowing how people still call Brian DePalma an “auteur” considering his last three movies were Femme Fatale, Mission to Mars and Snake Eyes. And now this$10.4 million

3. Obligatory animated CGI movie I’ve never heard of$6.1 million

4. Who needs to have introspective “What does it all mean? Why am I so sad? How do I make sense of my life? Why is Sufjan Stevens so amazing?” thoughts when Zach Braff can do all that for you in a single symetrically-composed sullen-stare-directly-into-camera close-up? – $4.702 million

5. Obligatory sh*tty horror movie I’ve never heard of$4.7 million

The Amazing Race Wars: The Real Controversy

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amazing race.JPGWhile sponsors are busy pulling out of Survivor: Race Wars like an unprotected teen’s first time (groan, we know), there is a much more sinister racist beast lurking in the primetime CBS listings: The Amazing Race 10. The Amazing Race, for those of you recently let out of a predator’s underground tunnel system, pits 12 teams of 2 people against one another in a race around the world, hosted by the hottest besweatered man after young Cosby, Phil Keoghan. Each season, the 12 teams are diverse and interesting and autistic enough to create some genuine drama. (The season with the midget was effing geen.) But this season, casting directors outdid themselves in covering every. single. race-base amongst the 12 teams. And (SPOILER ALERT), is it just coincidence that the two teams booted off just happened to be brown people? We wonder. If you missed it, please, peruse the cast with us:

  • Bilal & Sa’eed: Two Muslim friends who swore that they would stop and pray no matter where they were or what they were doing. Well, Allah-dee-dah. (Is punning allowed?) When the other teams began referring to them as “The Beards”, we though — Are Katie Holmes and Kelly Preston on the show? And while it would have been interesting to watch them continue in the race, if only to see whether or not they were considered a flight risk, alas they were the first team to get eliminated… We’re calling foul play.

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Hey, What Kind of Movie Is This!?!

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The studio behind Employee of the Month took a pretty interesting approach to selling their movie to “the kids on the MySpace”, with the following ad currently appearing on the front page. I suspected this movie would be full of plastic sex objects who can’t act, but I didn’t realize it was actually hardcore porno…

UPDATE: My obvious (and rather poor) photoshopping of the first panel of the ad somehow made it appear that they were salaciously using sex to sell their movie, which they clearly would never think of doing. For clarity, the ad actually reads, “Dane Cook is HARD at work”, not “Dane Cook is HARD”. There’s a difference. Also, the Jessica Simpson part reads exactly as displayed.

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ICYMI: Norm MacDonald in “It’s Never Too Soon”

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There has been a lot of debate lately as to whether or not it’s too soon to make fun of the death of Steve Irwin. Well, those dying to crack a couple of stingray jokes at your office birthday parties should breathe a sigh of douche-lief, because Norm MacDonald has finally made Steve Irwin’s death humorous. So get out your arrow headbands and sharpen your pitchforks, cause you’ve got a boatload of material to catch up on.

While You Were Watching Zach Braff Mope

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  • Four undercover Martha Stewart operatives were exposed on – and immediately banished from – the set of Rachel Ray’s rival new cooking show. Now that these two homemakers have already hit the matresses for a full on gang war, how long before someone gets iced like a delicious ginger-apple tea?
  • After a public screaming/fortune-cookie-hurling match at her mother’s birthday dinner that climaxed with telling mommy to “go to hell”, Lindsay Lohan drank away her maternal misery at an NYC Fashion Week party, outside of which she fell down and broke her wrist. When released from the hospital, LiLo then mowed down a few Times Square tourists, started a forest fire in Central Park and flew her private jet into the Statue of Liberty. She’s sort of like the Paul Bunyan of partying.
  • Victoria Beckham bent it far enough for her nip to slip out. Very posh.
  • What better way to honor the memory of one’s tragically departed son than by squeezing a final couple hundred thousand bucks out of his lifeless corpse? This, and other helpful tips can be found in the “Anna Nicole Smith Guide to Living”.
  • Mel Gibson’s daughter married guitarist Kenny Wayne Shepherd on Saturday. Mazel Tov!