1. Victory! Guys, we did it. This just shows that we have the power to use irony and the Internet to make our voices heard, and make a Hollywood studio lots of money on a flick that would have otherwise gone straight to late-night Showtime. Weeeee! – $15.25 million
2. Will Ferrel’s bare ass is almost as pure box office gold as pirate movies starring Johnny Depp. Maybe they’re putting together a “Swashbuckled: the Rime of Baron von Bareass” project as we speak! – $14.1 million
3. I can’t believe this epic, completely philanthropic tribute to America is already down to number three. You freedom-hating French commie fags clearly want the terrorists to win – $10.8 million
4. Maybe if they would have come up some sort of ironically obvious title like, “Nerds Invent Their Own College Then Hilariously Overcome Tremendous Odds to Surprise Everyone In the End By Actually Succeeding”, the Internet would have latched onto it and shot it to the top of the chart. You win some, you lose some – $10.1 million
5. Dance like nobody’s watching! Oh wait, nobody IS watching - $9.9 million
The New York Post really outdid themselves with today’s cover. What better way to honor a possible murderer/probable child rapist/definite insane gay-face than by referencing this weekend’s number one box office smash sensation, Snakes on a Plane? It’s no N.Y.P.D. Jew, but it’s close.
For the record, we caught Snakes on a Plane this weekend, and can truly say without a rail of sarcasm that it’s the best movie of the summer. Won’t you join us in helping to coin the best catchphrase of the year? “Get off my d**k!”
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, August 20th! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including Big Brother, Girls Next Door, and Flavor of Love!
Just because it’s August, doesn’t mean there weren’t some incredible revelations this week:
Have a great weekend all!
I know we live in an age in which we prefer our celebrity hijinx to be on convenient YouTube clips, but sometimes the magic happens off-camera and there’s nothing you can do about it, which is why we salute NY Post writer Mandy Stadtmiller for her painstaking trascription of what can only be described as the Most Amazing Celebrity Encounter Ever. Her front row seat to the carnival of human insanity that is Andy Dick inspired her to a write a one-act adaptation of the time they spent together, and the result is a work of such power and beauty, it could never possibly be realized by mere mortal. If this interaction had been captured on video and uploaded onto YouTube, the entire Internet would have exploded before even one of us had a chance to watch the clip (which undoubtedly would have immediately rendered the viewer blind and brain-damaged). Put on your reading glasses and take the time to pore over one woman’s brush with the supernatural.
Check out these comparison shots of Nicole Richie… doesn’t it look like she had a little help in the nose shaping department?
And we’re not the first people to notice, either. Or is it possible to lose 3 pounds from your nose from constant cocaine use alone?
Our friends over at CRACKED have compiled a pretty YouTubular list of the “5 Most Obviously Drug-Fueled TV Appearances Ever”. These are really fun to watch, but some glaring omissions include The Hoff on American Idol, Alan Thicke on that celebrity cooking show that got cancelled, and Liz Taylor on pretty much every Academy Awards program in the last 50 years. Here’s a sneak peek, but be sure to enjoy them all – and say no to drugs (especially if you’re Crispin Glover)!
If you are not a fan of pornography, or if you have an actual realtown day job, might we suggest that you stop reading this post immediately. For the rest of you, divert your attention away from the porno flick you’re watching and check this out! The nakies world of filmmaking has responded to the highly successful YouTube phenomenon with their own herpes-infested version: Pornotube. All the videos are free, and uploading your own amateurish clips couldn’t be any more simplex, too. We have literally spent hours surfing through their clips (research, folks, relax), and let us tell you there is some high quality porking going on, involving oodles of girls who were likely-to-obvs molested by their dads, and men who just love to get laid. File Pornotube under “ideas we wish we had if we weren’t so busy watching porno.”
And for those readers under 18, don’t even try going to the site. There’s a highly clever barrier set up to prevent your perusal, so clever, in fact, that one would have to lie about their age to get past it. Saw-rryyyyy.