ICYMI: FOX News Finally Gets Something Right

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A screencap of Alan Holmes speaking earlier on FOX’s politcal gab-fest Hannity & Colmes shows that no matter what the network claims, their fans aren’t always so “fair and balanced”. They are, however, way more awesome.

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PROPPED: Big Brother Is Watching You Whack It

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Thanks to reader coledc for dropping us this true “In Case You Missed It” (and believe me, you’ll wish you had). The very act of appearing on a reality show requires a significant sacrifice of one’s dignity, but on Big Brother 7, cast-member Mike Boogie takes humiliation to a whole new level by getting into a small box for a little “me-time” privacy from the house’s cameras (because nothing gets a man hornier than the claustrophobic sensation of being buried alive), who instead hold hilariously on the immobile box as the dude knocks his own boots. Even by reality TV standards, I think this clip captures human disgrace in ways previously unimagined:

Drop us more awesome stuff (but not too much, or you’ll go blind)!

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: The Summer of Love Dunzo

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jenna dave.jpgThe summer of love, this is not.

Maybe it’s the heat wave, maybe it’s the war in the Middle East, or maybe it’s because there’s nothing good on TV, but this summer we’ve been witness to a record number of celebrity break-ups. It’s only August and already we’ve had two MTV reality show couples file for divorce, two more have parted ways, and to top it all off Jude & Sienna are breaking up… again! Throw in big names like Christie Brinkley, Jenna Jameson and Paul McCartney and it’s plain to see that this really is the Summer of Dunzo.

Sometimes when a celebrity couple splits up you’re secretly happy– you never liked them anyway: UPGRADE! But other times you wish they would’ve worked things out and stayed together for the kids you: DOWNGRADE! Who deserves an upgrades and who deserves a downgrade? Vote now!

DAILY HASSLE: Is The Hoff Also The Antichrist?

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hoffdevil2.JPGWhile completing his morning vanity Google (right between showering and breakfast), The Hoff found himself posed with an existentially troubling question: could he possibly be The Antichrist foretold by ancient Christian prophets? Apparently one of Google’s 7,333,600 references to The Hoff (he knows the exact number) suggests that His Hoffness might in fact be the biblically-prophesied Beast of Babylon sent to bring a reign of darkness upon the Earth in a hellish Abomination of Desolation. Could the former Baywatch star be responsible for the trials and tribulations associated with End Times, and if so, why haven’t we read about this in those Left Behind books? Is Knight Rider actually one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and does that make KITT a hell-beast? All I know is that I’m terrified by the awesome power of The Hoff and hope that he never chooses to use his omnipotence for dark or evil purposes (other than America’s Got Talent).

Team Aniston Kicking Team Brangelina’s Ass

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STARCOVER2.JPGThis morning, we were blessed with the news that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn were a-finally engaged. Team Aniston rejoices. They just want to see Jen happy.

Then Star Magazine comes out. Announcing on its cover (in a harsh looking Arial Bold) that Angelina Jolie has moved out of the house with the kids! And that Brad Pitt is “freaking” out! This is like Team Aniston winning the World Series. This is huge.

Although considering that Star also “reveals” that Matthew McConaughey is Jen’s new boyfriend — and now knowing that isn’t true — well, don’t believe everything you read in $1.99 tabloids. Still, we hate to think about those three gorgeous Pitt children grow up without Brad. We’re dying to see what kind of Daddy issues Shiloh ends up with.

ICYMI: The Symphonic Sounds of Donkey Kong

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Our friends at Double Viking brought this clip to our attention, a musical medley of classic 8-bit video games, taken from a performance by the Video Games Live Orchestra. What can we say, we’re suckers for pretty much anything pertaining to poor graphics and simplistic gameplay. But still, this is pretty awesome:

While You Were Misspelling ‘Wednesday’

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  • Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are officially engaged! Vaughniston for life!!! Or at least until he wants kids.
  • Tom Cruise will release pictures of baby Suri shortly. They finally found a child actor to play the part.
  • Newly single Dave Navarro is reportedly dating porn star Jenna Jameson. BWE congratulates Dave for rebounding with the one woman who could make Carmen Electra insecure.
  • Lindsay Lohan has admitted that she lies to the press about her love life to make things interesting. But everything she says about not doing drugs is totally, totally true.
  • Diddy has given Justin Timberlake permission to use his catchphrase, “sexy.” Whew. The last thing you want to do is use the word “sexy” without the expressed written consent of a man who calls himself Diddy.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, August 8th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, August 8th! Alan is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Fear Factor, Rockstar:Supernova, and Last Comic Standing!