Another day, another likely false break-up rumor started by second-tier gossip rag. Today’s Mad Libs style celebrity loneliness news is thanks to the magazine preferred by monocled gents of the highest regiment, Life & Style, which reports that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are no longer an item. Says one highly-suspect “pal”, â€œTheyâ€™ve tried taking breaks before, so this time she went one step further â€” and ended it!â€ Funny how this “pal” sounds “exactly” like every other fake “news source” in tabloid “history!” says one insider.
Strangely enough, we would be willing to believe that these two have broken up (prove us wrong L&S), but just when you start to believe the hype, the tabs go one step too far. In this case, that Jennifer Aniston actually has her sights set on Matthew McConaughey. Another “friend” rats her out: â€œJen has a mad crush on Matthew.” Hold on — let’s forget about Janiston’s love life for a second — girl, it sounds like you need better friends. “Mad crush”? Whose Myspace blog did they steal that from? Mine? Oh, right. Text me!
Read the entire Press Release after the jump.
I know that Disney’s two-disc special edition of the 1989 film The Little Mermaid is coming out on DVD Tuesday (don’t ask me why I know this, I just do), but I think the folks at Disney may be taking this viral marketing campaign a little too far.
Milagros, whose name means “miracles” in Spanish, was born with a rare congenital defect known as sirenomelia, or “mermaid syndrome,” which left her legs connected from the heels to her groin. But just over two weeks after an operation to separate her legs she took her first unaided steps across the room.
Some people may say that this story showing up on Drudge Report today is nothing but a coincidence. But come on people, this is Disney. If they have to pay a woman to give birth to a mermaid baby only to have its legs separated a week before the release of a 2-disc special edition DVD, dammit, they’re going to do it.
We must admit, we’re pretty impressed with the hooligans over at CollegeHumor, who somehow managed to stay sober long enough to create this hilarious little short film about the tragic nature of global human communication in the Internet age. Anyone who’s ever been skeptical about e-mails from African attorneys in search of someone willing to accept millions of dollars should really watch this.
Wow. Wentworth Miller has deservedly risen to the top of TV’s hottest men thanks to his starring role on the show Prison Break. But take a look at this clip from Popular a few years ago, where Wenty was slightly miscast as an effeminate dance instructor replete with a “Manazon” track jacket. Watching the clip, it’s nice to know that he’d be open to dropping the soap in the prison shower if the script called for it.
(Link via ONTD!)
I’m not sure what Mr. Belding would have to say about this report of an alleged sex tape that graphically depicts Dustin Diamond (known better as Saved By the Bell’s Screech) engaging in 3-way sex with two women and pulling some pretty disgusting moves out of his bag of tricks, inluding the dreaded “Dirty Sanchez”. These kinds of antics are to be expected from the likes of Zach Morris or Jesse Spano (ever see Showgirls?), and maybe even AC Slater (if the threesome were with two other dudes) – but Screech!?! What more of an indictment could our culture receive than the filmed sex acts of a goofy-but-likeable Bayside Tiger? Once the tape finds its inevitable home on the Internets, we’re all going to have to ask ourselves a very serious – and very important – question: will we watch it? Could our fragile psyches really handle the image of Screech giving some groupie (please god let it not be Paris Hilton) a Dirty Sanchez? Such devastating philosophical questions should not even be posed at this early morning hour.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, September 26th! Alan Noah is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing With The Stars, Law & Order, and Nip/Tuck!
If you’re terribly bored and feeling like your daily levels of Mel Gibson Insantity are a little low, you can go to this Apple Trailers page, click on the smallest HD version (480p) of the TEASER, pause at 1:46, and click frame-by-frame (using right arrow key) until you come across this little shot of a Wild-Eyed Gibson hanging out with a few of his Mayan friends that could only be the handy-work of some wise-ass editor (perhaps of Jewish descent?) with an axe to grind. Oy vey!
School For Scoundrels starring Billy Bob Thornton, Napoleon Dynamite, and a slew of amazing comedians (including David Cross, Sarah Silverman, and our very own Paul Scheer) opens this Friday. To celebrate, we’re holding a little photoshop contest.
Click below to get a Billy Bob/ blackboard picture to work with. Then send your creations to firstname.lastname@example.org. Nothing is off limits. We’ll post some of our favorite ones throughout the week, then on Friday we’ll hand out a prize to the best of the best. So get to work… and good luck, you scoundrels, you.