LISTEN UP: Remember When Eminem Was Awesome?

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  • Kiss Atlanta has some seriously fun party music, courtesy of the adorably named Australian band New Young Pony Club.
  • Lemony Snicket fans can thank me in the comments: Bradley’s Almanac posts a night of reading and song with Daniel Handler and The Magnetic Fields’ Stephin Merritt. Oh, yes, and Lemony himself plays accordian.
  • Hate Something Beautiful posts two tracks from the upcoming Menomena album — both are must-haves.
  • Check out Explosions in the Sky over at Indie Blog Heaven so that you can pretend to hate them once they get huge.
  • Oh! It’s the an Eminem leak! Over at Idolator! (Warning: It’s kind of a headache giver.)

POLL: Is K-Fed Rich?

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britney-k-fed.jpgAccording to this TMZ report, Britney and K-Fed are planning to release a joint statement insisting that the home sex tape they are rumored to have made together in fact does not exist. Now, to the untrained eye, this is just your garden variety bad news. But anyone who knows anything about celebrity press manipulation immediately recognizes the alternative possibility: that there was a sex tape, and Britney bought it back in order to save what’s left of her public image. So, dear readers, in your amateur celebrity assessment opinions, do you think there never was a filmed account of these two trash cans bumping nasties, or do you think K-Fed is set for life? Vote in our poll, then leave any further theories – or speculated dollar amounts – in the comments section.

Rosie Plays The Gay (Aiken) Card

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If a guy who’s– how do put this– gayish but not openly gay, covers your mouth on daytime TV and you later scold him for it, could that be considered homophobic? According to Rosie O’Donnell, the answer is yes. Today on The View, Rosie called Kelly Ripa out for the way she reacted to Clay’s manhandling on Regis & Kelly. Ripa didn’t take to kindly to the insinuation that she’s a homophobe, so she called in to The View this morning to give her side of the story. Here’s the full video. Start cringing now.

Who’s side are you on: Rosie’s or Kelly’s? And is it even possible to be called a homophobe when the person you’re talking about isn’t even gay? Well, openly gay.

Bad News Bearers: Robert Altman Passes at 81

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altman.JPGOne of Hollywood’s most legendary directors, Robert Altman, passed away last night at the age of 81. The cause of death has not been released. Altman was notoriously secretive about his health, revealing for the first time this March that he received a heart transplant 10 years earlier, but did not want to publicize his struggle for fear of not getting work. Despite the director’s age, he was still busy making his trademarked ensemble films — his last movie being A Prairie Home Companion released this year. He was a juggler of all-star performers, and his cutting satirical style was a refreshing change from the usual shlocky Hollywood fare. If you’re looking for some entertainment this long weekend, get your hands on MASH, Shortcuts or The Player for some of his best stuff.

Paul Scheer Punks Demi & Ashton

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Starveillance, a new show that “takes a hilarious jab at celebrities and pop culture through claymation re-enactments” premieres on E! this January. BWE’s own Paul Scheer lends his voice to Ashton Kutcher in this laugh-out-loud recreation of Demi & Ashton’s first date. You know, something tells me this is exactly how the whole thing went down. Watch it here.

“Is This The Woman Who Broke-Up ScarJo?”

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File this item under a “real noodlescratcher”… while the world reels from the apparent break-up of movie hunk Josh Hartnett and bosomy bombshell Scarlett Johansson, people are beginning to demand answers. Namely, who is the woman who broke-up these two lovebirds? An Australian news website seems more obsessed than most, perhaps because Hartnett is in New Zealand filming 30 Days of Night (somehow not a sequel to his masturbationally challenged epic 40 Days and 40 Nights), and spent the weekend partying with his new mystery gal at a trendy club in Woolloomooloo Wharf, the actual name of a non-fictional place in Sydney.

No, our problem isn’t even that Harnett has found new love, or that he told the paparazzi to get “f**ked”, or that his new movie is about a town attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires (seriously)…. our problem is that we spent a solid 10 minutes trying to figure out who his new mystery woman was, before realizing that is was actually Josh Hartnett himself — his new squeeze posed subtly in the corner. So forget who he’s dating — when did the guy’s ass get so damn tiny? Looks like Scarlett was suffocating him… physically speaking.

Kramer Even Awkwardly Apologizes Hilariously!

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Last night Michael Richards appeared on Letterman live via satellite to apologize for his recent racist tirade. Don’t bother watching the video unless you absolutely need closure; it’s long, it’s rambling, it’s awkward, and it’s slightly more uncomfortable than The Michael Richards Show. You’ve been warned.

While You Were Saying Sorry For Saying the N-Word

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  • After a recent Jay-Z show in Vegas, a drunken Paris Hilton got up to lip-synch through a couple of her songs, but her impromptu performance was cut short after she vomited onstage. Paris’ music apparently has the same effect on her as it does the rest of us.
  • Nicole Richie has fired her stylist. While Skeletor is sad about having to return to Castle Greyskull, he shrugged off the bad news by saying, “Eh, it’s been a good run,” then laughing maniacally.
  • During his wedding reception, Tom Cruise serenaded Katie Holmes with a rendition of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”, which she likely remembered from seeing Top Gun when she was nine. No word on whether Tom slapped a nearby bar-back on the ass and told him he could “ride his tail anytime, Iceman”.
  • The Game was arrested for impersonating a police officer. Authorities caught onto the rapper’s ruse when they observed him harassing himself for no apparent reason, then putting on handcuffs and roughly throwing himself in the back of his own car.
  • OJ Simpson’s wanton molestation of his dead wife salacious book and TV interview deal have been cancelled, leaving us all with no choice but to figure out who killed Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman all on our own.