ICYMI: Do Your Job!

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It been a long time since the brilliance of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show has been some kind of secret, but certain nights they manage to outdo even themselves. This segment, in which Jon laments the double-speak applied to President Bush’s ever-changing job description, hits the ball way out of the park.

ICYMI: Take Me Home From The Ballgame

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There are a few things that could ruin a postseason baseball game: bad weather, obnoxious fans, Alex Rodriguez, and perhaps worst of all: A painful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

Over the years there have been too many horrendous performances of our National Anthem and “God Bless America” at games. Idolator has decided to compile a list of these disasters in the “Hey, It’s Enrico Palazzo!” Hall of Fame. Michael Bolton, Liz Phair, Steven Tyler, Jimmy Buffett and, yes, Scott Stapp, make up the inaugural class. And there are YouTube clips. Yes. There are YouTube clips.

The Amazing Race: Leg Puns Run Amock

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PETERSARAH1.JPGIf you haven’t been watching The Amazing Race this season, you might not be familiar with Sarah and Peter, the creepy Father/Daughter/Oh-Wait-They’re Dating couple. Simply put, Sarah is a tiny blonde musculatory powerhouse who only has one leg, and in what sounds like an adorable pairing, Peter is a clinical prosthetist (cue awwws). And if this is a match made in heaven, then the Gods must be crazy, because Peter might actually be a sociopathic murderer. Besides treating Sarah like a little girl (and granted, she looks like a 13 year old on roids), he’s also incredibly condescending. And worse, he makes the poor girl perform all the difficult challenges, while being the first one to use the handicap card! Needless to say, when host Phil Koeghan talks about each “leg” of the race, we look at the floor while nonchalantly caressing our calves and weeping.

Last night took this hypcorisy to a whole new level. The teams found themseles in beautiful Vietnam, and were hit with a Roadblock — a task only one member of the twosome can complete — and specifically requested the team member with strong arms and legs to complete it. Ne’ertheless, Peter gallantly volunteers Sarah to complete the task, bolstering her confidence with creeptown compliments. And God bless the editors of this show, who brilliantly spliced together footage (we’re really toeing the line) of lil’ Sar, hoisting her disabled way up a cliff while crying, and Peter, literally reclining on a boat and sipping from a soda can.

The entire episode was thrilling, and sadly Tom and Terry, aka The Even Gayer Hobbits, were eliminated. It’s not too late to get into the season; in fact, it looks like the best is yet to come. We just hope Peter gets his!

ICYMI: 30 Rock n’ Rolls on NBC.com

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Ninja Expert and BWE panelist Judah Friedlander is just one of the stars of the highly publicized SNL-takeoff show 30 Rock, premiering this week. NBC.com posted the entire episode today, so if you’re too impatient to wait until Wednesday for the broadcast premiere, or if you’re bored at work and want to watch TV on the company dime, head over there now. Come on. Like you have more important things to do.

Bump Alert! Sharing the Limelight Edition

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Looks like Mr. Britney Spears, aka Kevin Federline, aka Cornrows McGillicutty, is a leeetle sick and tired of all the attention lavished on his fetus producing wife, and has begun sporting a sizeable baby bump of his own. Check out Federline casual preggers swagger and new father glow while shopping in L.A. over the weekend. While the crafty dancer-turn- rapper-cum-actor is trying his best to hide the fashionable bump with an oversized Fred Segal cotton maternity tunic and lit Marlboro Light (filled with bubble gum, surely), there’s no getting it by us: Looks like the Spears’ are going to have to their unexperienced hands full in less than 6 months! Well, that, or K-Fed is supes constipated, in which case you can expect a “delivery” anywhere from 3 to 5 days from now.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: The Wheel World: Tinseltown

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CARSONDALY.JPGLately, and perhaps thanks to Lance N’ Matt N’ the Gang, cycling has become the preferred means of travel for celebrities on the go. Some faymies like to ride their banana seats for kicks, while others take the sport seriously, spandexing themselves from head 2 toe. And because it doesn’t look like this trend is ending anytime soon, we want to know what you think. Take a look at these celebrities and UPGRADE! if they look adorable and/or super-trendy on their wheels or DOWNGRADE! if they should hang up their bikes and make-up with their chauffeur.

Vote now!

SIZZLER: Paris & Nicole Together Again

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hilton_richie.jpgAccording to TMZ.com, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have FINALLY put their feud to rest. The pair put their differences behind them and reunited, leaving many Americans wondering which public feud they’ll start paying attention to next. Right now the two big frontrunners are Paris Vs. Shanna Moakler, and North Korea Vs. The World. It really could go either way.

But why did Paris and Nicole end their feud now? Perhaps the secret lies in that tiny bag of a green, leafy substance that was spotted in Paris’ purse. We’re not sure what it is– green tea? oregano? bird food?– but whatever it is, maybe it contains a magic secret ingredient that calmed Paris down enough to realize “Hey man, life is too short to have enemies. Maybe I should let bygones be bygones and just be cool… yeah. Hey, is anybody else starving? Let’s go to Taco Bell”

To see a CU of the bag click below. Or meet me by the fountain in Washington Square Park in an hour.
Read more…

ICYMI: The Moustache Behind the Voice

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You’ve seen him before, recently co-starring in a clever little Geico commercial that was sadly overshadowed by Little Richard‘s insanity. But voiceover artist Don LaFontaine is more hilarious/influential than he’s ever given credit for — the guy wrote the famous opening lines “In a world”, for God’s sake. Check out this ABC interview with the orbishly handsome vocal maestro, and discover the power behind the voice. We would easily pay $10 to see I’d Like a Can of Peas, Please, and we have a feeling Miramax is already on it.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Dearly Departed

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thedeparted.jpg1. Hey, now that Heavyhands Hackis has his shiny new Oscars for subtly illuminating the complexities of contemporary urban race relations in Crash, maybe you geniuses in the Academy might want to think about throwing one of those statues Marty Scorsese’s way – $27 million

2. You’d think that with all the scary shit going on in the news right now, moviegoers would just save their ten bucks, skip Homicidal Maniac Killers 29, and get the bejeezus scared out of them from the comfort of their living room. FoxNews has terror On Demand – $19.1 million

3. Kids sure are suckers$16 million

4. “Shitty movie with a hacky comedian and a fame-whoring tabloid queen that I don’t want to see” of the month$11.8 million

5. I said it after 3000 Miles to Graceland, Dragonfly, Open Range, The Upside of Anger, and Rumor Has It…, and I’ll say it again: Kevin Costner is BACK! – $9.6 million

ICYMI: K-Fed Gets His Acting On

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Kevin Federline– not satisfied with just being a bad rapper and bad husband, has added “bad actor” to his resume (note: Just pretend K-Fed has a resume. We know it’s unlikely… so just pretend). Kevin makes his acting debut on CSI this Thursday, and here’s a clip of his sure-to-be-Emmy-nominated performance.

We’re shocked he’s taking on the role of an annoying, unlikable, white homeboy. The man has mad acting skillz (with a ‘z’), yo.