BWE’s Christian Finnegan has been blogging like a madman lately, tackling everything from his dad to weight loss to Willie Nelson. Check it out.
Listen, I have something to say to all of the kids out there: don’t do drugs. No matter what you’re friends tell you, getting involved with drugs will absolutely not make you look cool.
Unless you’re a 73 year old musical legend! Try and tell me that Willie Nelson is not the greatest human being on the face of the earth. Nope, you can’t do it. What’s more lovable than the image of a bunch of elderly dudes tooling around the country in a tour bus fueled by french fry grease, sitting around jamming and getting baked? I’ll tell you what: those same elderly dudes on that same tour bus, blitzed out of their minds on ‘shrooms.
[Keep reading Christian's Tower of Hubris here]
Two of our favorite shows are premiering tonight. At 8 pm, NBC brings us their “super-sized” (ugh, those puns they use) 2 hour premiere of The Biggest Loser, the most negatively titled inspirational show in history. And also at 8 pm, America’s Next Top Model premieres on the brand new CW Network, a season opener that is said to be “diva-licious” (read: Pretty girls with GED’s on their periods.) It almost seems too good to be true. Biggest Loser and Top Model head to head at 8! What’s the solution?
We love The Biggest Loser, because they take ordinary overweight people, and turn them into really surprisingly hot people with hearts of gold in a matter of months. (And side note, Matt and Suzy from last year’s season got married yesterday! Tears!) Our plan: To watch Model for some good laughs, tune in to Loser for a good cry, then either pass out or choke to death on chocolate Twizzlers.
After 101 episodes, thousands of segments, dozens of comedians and at least 3 or 4 solid laughs, Best Week Ever has finally gotten the recognition it deserves. An Emmy nod? Nope, f-that. We’re nominated for a Pot Head Award!!!
The nominees for the High Times Stony Awards were announced today, and BWE was nominated for Best TV Show alongside other stoner favorites Chappelle’s Show, Entourage, Family Guy, Saturday Night Live, and (obviously) Weeds. Entourage bested all TV shows with 4 nominations, while the ‘hit’ film Grandma’s Boy earned a Stony-topping 6 nods. And who ever said pot heads don’t know what they’re doing?
The Stonys will be handed out on October 24th by Redman and Doug “Marijuana-logues” Benson (I smell fix!) here in NY. We’re hoping for a statue, but honestly, if we don’t win it won’t be the end of the world. We’ve always considered ourselves more of a show for lushes and drunks anyway.
This November, you best camp out in front of your local newsstand if you have any interest in scoring an exclusive copy of Vanity Fair‘s upcoming issue, featuring the world’s first exclusive shocking peek at Kazakhstani rabble-rouser Borat, aka Sasha Baron Cohen. This is completely true. Borat will be on the cover of Vanity Fair, and, well, we’re rejoicing. One can only pray that the picture will feature his curly-headed moustachioed grin being gently caressed by the lining of Tom Cruise‘s jacket. We’ve never been happier to see a Jewish Jew-hater make it so far.
Also, if you have a moment, read through Borat’s Wikipedia page, which gives a lot of insight as to how Cohen stays in character. Like he never washes his suit, so as to retain that Eastern European aroma. Borat: Putting the B.O. in HBO.
What follows is a dramatization of how things like this happen.
TV EXEC: Okay, we’re set to launch our multi-platform 40 bajillion dollar media marketing blitz to make sure every single soul in America understands that Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is Must Motherf*cking See TV. But what about these iBlogs and MyTubes and YouSpaces I keep hearing about on the World Wide Webernets. Is there anything we can do with that stuff?
TV EXEC 2: What’s a blog?
TV EXEC: Hmm, I have no idea. (hits button on phone) Joshua!
I can’t think of a single relevant reason or excuse to post this video of Elisha Cuthbert from Kontraband. The Girl Next Door came out over 2 1/2 years ago, her newest movie tanked, and every 24 fan on Earth was rooting for her character to inhale some of that toxic gas when it was unleashed in CTU last season. So there’s absolutely no reason whatsoever to post a slightly NSFW compilation video of the hottest scenes from her movies, interviews, and photoshoots. None at all. I’m not going to do it.
Whoops. That was an accident.
Britney Spears’ record producer was recently quoted as saying her new album would “take her to the next level”, causing us to assume that he could only be referring to the various levels of her recent purgatorial prison. But as our entire knowledge of Purgatory and the 7 Deadly Sins was gleaned from what we learned by watching Se7en, we brought in a Britney/Dante specialist to create the following diagram of the levels (or “deadly sins”) demonstrating Britney Spears’ “Earthly Paradise”. Roll your cursor over each level for a complete explanation, but we assure you it’s scarier than anything Dante himself could have come up with.
The gentlemen over at TVGasm point us to Fabio‘s new look. Here is Fabio seen doing what he does best: Shilling a phony spray margarine preferred by anorexics around the country. But hold on a second… Darker locks, stronger jawed… why… I Can’t Believe It’s Not…
All SNL pink-slip speculation can come to a close, as the three cast members cut from the new season have now been made official. The three not returning are (somber and sensitive drumroll please): Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell and Finesse Mitchell. Now, Sanz is a hilarious guy, but is well-known for breaking character mid-sketch — and while some of the sketches certainly needed a boost — once it became predictable, it lost its humor. (Worry not, Sanz still has time to prove himself in movies, next up of which is School for Scoundrels.) And we never really understood Finesse Mitchell… always the same effeminate character and rarely that funny (although the name Finesse seems highly appropriate.)
No, the biggest loss has got to be Parnell, who really used his years on the show to create a great cast of characters and solidify his name as one of the best cast members in the show’s history. (For the record, I felt that way waaay before Lazy Sunday, but it didn’t hurt.) The new season of SNL kicks off this month, and while Variety reports Dane Cook as the host of the season premiere on 9/30,
NBC.com has Steve Martin hosting the real premiere this Saturday, September 23, so you can all breathe a sigh of douche-lief. Dane Cook is hosting the premiere after all. (Fancy graphics confuse us.) So… there’s that to look forward to.
After the jump, relive with us one of our favorite Parnell sketches of all time, the Britney Spears Dance Audition.