ICYMI: “White and Nerdy”, But Cool

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Weird Al Yankovic seems to be in the midst of a late-career renaissance that could be considered the novelty-song equivalent of Bob Dylan’s own return to relevancy. Al has emerged from recent obscurity to bring his likable-but-goofy sense of humor to the Internet Age. Here’s his latest music video, at which I found it difficult not to chuckle:

David Beckham Seizes the Day!

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David Beckham is having quite the week. It was reported today that following his dismissal from England’s soccer team last month, Beckham rang up Tom Cruise for some support in the arena of failure. (Which sounds like some sort of homoerotic fan fiction, but there it is.) But things aren’t all bad for the soccer star. No, in fact, following an interview at Radio 1 in London, Beckham stopped outside to sign some autographs, and dropped a hint that he’s planning to star in a remake of one of the most beloved children’s movies of all time… Beckham an actor!

Find out what what movie it is after the jump!

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A Citizen On Patrol

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guttenberg.jpgComedian Dave Rubin was lucky enough to run into actor/legend Steve Guttenberg over the weekend at a train station in Connecticut. It was there that The Gute confirmed that yes, Police Academy 2007 is in the works, and said the words we’ve been waiting to hear for over 20 years:

“All your questions will be answered.”

That’s right people– ALL of your Police Academy-related questions will be answered in Police Academy 2007! Like why is Hightower so tall? Answered! How come Hooks is so soft spoken most of the time when she’s such a great screamer? Answered! How does that one funny black guy make all those neat sounds? Answered! And most importantly, what the hell do the ladies see in Steve Guttenberg? Answered at last.

Police Academy 2007. It couldn’t come soon enough.

Today’s NAMBLA Round-Up: Paris Pulls a Letourneau

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Paris Hilton has been supes busy shooting her new music video and getting fake-arrested these days. But screencaps from the video from her new single, “Nothing in this World”, are, well, spine-chillingly creepy. The video, which borrows its plot from the painfully underrated movie The Girl Next Door, shows Paris gallavanting around a classroom in hooker shoes and tweed corsets, teaching young girls how to teabag and young boys how to conspicuously hide their erections. But check it out: The boy Paris seduces in the video doesn’t look a day over 12! Maybe she’s really basing it on The Mary Kay Letourneau Story? Either way, nothing like a mildly-aroused pre-pube to spoil your lunch plans, eh?

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On second glance, is that little boy actually Borat‘s grandson, Boltok?

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We think it is! See the rest of the pictures here. And click here to hear the single.

Elderly Conspiracy Alert: Two Bobs, One Man

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There’s nothing we like better than a little celebrity separated at birth. So when we noticed the beyond striking resemblance between two of our favorite elderly Bobs, we couldn’t help but share it with you, America. Do not donate this resemblance to your local shelter come Thankgiving; it’s uncanny. Which leads us to wonder… is Bob Barker actually Bob Uecker? You never see the two men together in the same place (urologist) at the same time (8 am, 9:30 am, respectively). And they both have the action figure white hairdo and startling permagrin of a man who has seen too much. But man old man, what we’d give to be one of “Uecker‘s Beauties.”

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p.s. Pour a lil’ out for Mr. Belvedere, ya’ll.
p.p.s. If either one of these guys (God forbid) drops in the next 2 weeks, I’m calling out psychic.

ICYMI: Crazy Art Imitates Crazy Life

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famous.jpgIt’s ironic that most people know Britist artist Banksy from tabloid stories about Paris Hilton Pranks, what Brangelina did last Thursday night, and why there are hooded Gitmo detainees in Disneyland, considering that these are the kinds of news sources his art so brilliantly criticizes. Check out these photos of his latest show “Barely Legal” (our favorites after the jump), which includes a pink-painted live elephant standing in a proverbial living room. Take a look and tell us what you think in the comments.

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LISTEN UP: The Indie Rock Strikes Braff

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  • Continuing with our Braff Bash day, Idolator rounds up a few of the latest indie rock rejects from The OC Season Six Soundtrack that have been changing Zach’s life.
  • Stereogum writes a sappy love letter to John Mayer and posts a new song so you, too, can see just how hard he rocks.
  • The Brooklyn Vegan posted a few tracks from Canadian hip-hopper Cadence Weapon, so you should go grab them right…aboot…now.
  • Head over to INDIEBLOGHEAVEN and d-load a couple tracks from Xiu Xiu, then be sure to go check out their new Sega Genesis-inspired music video.
  • I love Okkervil River and so does Said the Gramophone and so should Zach Braff and so should you. Go!

SIZZLER: Future Tara Reid Nip-Slips To Be Slightly Less Tara-fying

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Tara Reid, the big-breasted drunken trainwreck and former host of E!’s Taradise is rumored to have undergone surgery to reinvent herself as simply the drunken trainwreck and former host of E!’s Taradise.

tara.jpgAccording to the new issue of In Touch Weekly, the sometimes actress had surgery on September 7th at a Beverly Hills clinic to replace her implants with smaller ones in an attempt to resurrect her flagging career and her sagging chest!

Sure, Tara’s new implants will help her sagging chest; but her flagging career? We’ve all seen Skinemax, Tara. Considering you’re just a couple of years away from stepping into Shannon Tweed’s shoes for Indecent Behavior 4, you should remember this: On cable TV after 2 o’clock on a Saturday morning, More is More.

What a Croc! And Indestructible Too!

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CROCS.JPGWe are still quite baffled by the fashion trend o’ the sum-sum, Crocs, the plastic bacteria bootie that combines the sleek stylings of a wooden clog with the sophisticated color palette of a Hypercolor scrunchie. Overweight celebrities such as Mario Batali and Mario Batali (who cleans his in the dishwasher, for real) were seen all over the papers sporting their favorite pair of Crocs, and as the trend picked up steam, so did our hatred for mankind. Radar Online took the time to compile everything you ever wanted to know about these Roy G. Biv slip-ons, and whether you love em or hate em, it only goes to prove that with the right marketing, Americans will stop nothing short of poo-shoes to make a fashion statement.

Oh, and may we add: They’re completely undestructable. A billion years from now it’s going to be roaches in mini-Crocs roaming the deserted post-apocalyptic earth.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Bad, Braff and Beyond

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braffbeyond2.jpg1. We smell what the Rock is cooking, it’s just too bad that it smells like a cliche-ridden “troubled teens overcoming life obstacles through sports” movie we’ve already seen 400 times – $15 million

2. It’s mind-blowing how people still call Brian DePalma an “auteur” considering his last three movies were Femme Fatale, Mission to Mars and Snake Eyes. And now this$10.4 million

3. Obligatory animated CGI movie I’ve never heard of$6.1 million

4. Who needs to have introspective “What does it all mean? Why am I so sad? How do I make sense of my life? Why is Sufjan Stevens so amazing?” thoughts when Zach Braff can do all that for you in a single symetrically-composed sullen-stare-directly-into-camera close-up? – $4.702 million

5. Obligatory sh*tty horror movie I’ve never heard of$4.7 million