LISTEN UP: A Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • If you’re jealous that you aren’t indie enough to be going to the Pitchfork Music Festival this weekend, The Rawking Refuses to Stop has a few tracks from some of the artists on the line-up as a consolation. If you are going to the festival, be sure to use plenty of sunscreen on your pasty hipster skin.
  • Brooklyn Ski Club hits the slopes with the Archie Bronson Outfit, who are actually pretty rockin’ despite having a name that sounds like a vaudeville polka trio.
  • Brooklyn Vegan must have dove to the bottom of the East River to discover his latest treasure chest of indie rock goodness including Arctic Monkeys, Band of Horses, Midlake and more!
  • EC, EU is hogging all the covers with rare tracks from REM, Iron & Wine and more.
  • Based on what I’m hearing over at Awesome Until Proven Guilty, I think I’m pretty hot for the electro-rock sound of Hot Chip.

SIZZLER: The Passion of the Mel

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The-passion-of-the-christ.jpgThe trusty dirt-diggers over at TMZ have just released an exclusive report claiming that Mel Gibson was arrested last night in LA on suspicion of Driving Under the Influence. While details are still sketchy, a spokesman for the Sherriff’s Department reported that Gibson was released this morning, but the investigation is still ongoing. It’s hard to dispute an official booking report, but a holy man such as Gibson surely can’t be guilty of the crimes of which he’s been accused. Sure, he might have been having a late-night communion at a nearby tavern, but he had no choice other than to continuously cleanse himself with the blood of christ to be absolved of his sinful lust for the cocktail waitress in the low-cut blouse. No matter what Johnny Law says, Catholicism is not a crime, and the LAPD shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this blatant religious persecution. After all, what would Jesus do? I think He’d turn the other cheek or, in this case, toss Mel his car keys and a bottle of scotch.

SIZZLER: Lindsay Lohan, Please Report to the Principal’s Office

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LOHANLTRSmall.JPGMessage to Lindsay Lohan: We are on to you and your “heat exhaustion.” (Picture a giant making sarcasm quotes on that one.) So says James Robinson, CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, the company producing Lohan’s latest cinematic venturing Georgia Rule. In an official looking letter (complete with Times New Roman font and company letterhead), Robinson calls Lohan “discourteous”, “unprofessional”, and a “spoiled child”. (Click thumbnail to read.) But most importantly, he says what’s been on the world’s mind for days: Enough with the heat exhaustion b.s. already — STOP PARTYING. PUT. THE STRAW. DOWN. UNSEAL YOUR LIPS FROM YOUR GOLDEN FLASK. You are about to be fired, which is big people talk for you are about to lose a lot of money. Most importantly, they have video of you going down on some dude! And you wouldn’t want that to ruin your reputation, would you, babygirl?

The Weekend Is Here! What’s Up?

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miami-vice-poster-1.jpgOne of them is black! One of them is white! Together they fight crime! It’s Miami Vice!

The Foxx/Farrell action movie is poised to take down Johnny Depp this weekend, but something tells me the Pirates won’t go easy. Granted, everybody in the country has already seen Pirates Of The Carribbean (twice), but I think it’s going to finish on top again. What do you think? And what are YOU spending $11 a ticket on this weekend? Vote now!

Thom Yorke, The Thinking Man’s Britney

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RADIOHEAD.JPGIs Thom Yorke, the fair-voiced lead singer of Radiohead, taking tips on how to emote from Britney Spears? Yorke, whose solo album The Eraser debuted earlier this month, has written a poem composed of lines and snippets pulled from various bad reviews of the CD. The poem is strangely reminiscent of one of the tiger-obsessed ballads penned by Britney Spears on her personal website. And now that we take a closer look, Yorke’s lines look like they were written for K-Fed himself! Check it out:

lacks motivation. full of own self importance.
always shooting his mouth off.
tends to stray from the path…

never was.
never will be again.
the only way is down.
so now ambels around aimlessly.

If you’re one of T-Yo’s robot pals, bring him a cup of hot chocolate, mechanically stroke his back, and keep repeating all that jazz about him being a legend and stuff.

Now YOU Can Own Gary Busey’s Poop!

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Do you ever find yourself reading this blog and thinking, “Gee, I just love these celebrities so much. I wish I could have a piece of them all of my own”? Well, now you can – literally! Our friends over at Cityrag have found the solution to all of your gift-buying problems – a website that sells specimens of celebrity skin and bodily wastes! If you think Sarah Jessica Parker has beautiful skin, just $15.75 will buy you a sample of some of her skin cells! Ever wanted to own a crap taken by Jack Black, Crispin Glover or Burt Reynolds? Now you can! We know that all the possibilities are pretty exciting, so be sure to peruse the FAQs that address concerns such as how these samples are procured, how to guarantee the authenticity of your famous fecal matter, and whether or not the website would be interest in purchasing Courtney Love’s “vaginal fluid”, should you be lucky enough to obtain one. Who needs autographs when you can have poop?

Update: It’s a Hoax! Dammit!

ICYMI: Houston, Having a Problem

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It’s summertime, which means the only television I can rely on is Project Runway and The Office reruns. Then it occurred to me: I miss Being Bobby Brown, the Bravo reality series that followed the crazed antics of Whitney Houston and hubby Bobby. For those of you like me, or those with 19 seconds of company time on your hands, check out this Greatest Hits reel. Sing along to her classic tracks “Hell To The No”, “Aw Hell No”, “Oh Hell– Hell No!”, and her #1 hit single “I Am Not Doing This With Him Todaaaaaay.” (Link via Popsugar)

ICYMI: The Song Of The Summer Is Finally HERE!

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Sorry Rihanna. Step aside Justin. THIS right here is the song of the summer. Written a day after French soccer player Zinadine Zidane delivered the Headbutt heard ’round the world, this track has already exploded in France. It’s titled “Headbutt”, but you find any of those in the video– just a lot of goold old fashioned booty-shaking.

Now good luck getting it out of your head.

SIZZLER: Simon Cowell’s Lover, Revealed!

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cowell.JPGBritish tabloid The Mirror has gotten an exclusive picture of the young lover Simon Cowell has grasped in his vulture talons while his nearly ancient 32-year-old girlfriend is away. The world may pretend to act shocked, but camman, you knew it all along.

In all seriousness, her name is Jasmine Lennard, the 21-year-old the daughter of an ex-Bond girl who has spent nearly the last 20 years of her life in rehab. The article goes into randy detail of Lennard’s coke-addled, orgy-prone teen years, along with a heebie-jeebie inducing account of Cowell’s moves in the bedroom. It’s a little NSFW, if your coworkers could see your thoughts. Oh, and she’s bisexual, which would probably explain the attraction. Have you seen the rack that guy is sporting?