Sometimes I wonder if The Hoff is holding a team of LSD-fueled film students prisoner is his Fortress of Hoffitude, forcing them to constantly produce bizarre video segments he then uses as part of his evil plot to take over the entire Internet and claim it in the holy name of Hoff. His latest Quicktime hallucination comes in the form of a commercial spot for some company called Pipex that claims to be an Internet service provider, but in all likeliehood is just another Hoff-controlled part of his masterplan to completely blow our minds.
In celebration of BWE’s 100th episode, all week long we’re counting down our Top 5 favorite celebrities that we love to talk about. We started the week with #5 Paris Hilton before working our way up to #4 TomKat. Today, we give you 100 seconds of #3; Everybody’s favorite FireCrotch, Lindsay Lohan.
Don’t forget to check out our 100th episode this Friday night at 11.
OMGGG! The Pussycat Dolls are hiring a new member! Aieee!!! And the best part? The hiring process isn’t going to be behind closed doors, but aired on the hot new network The CW as part of a new reality series (wait for it) The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. So if your Dad is always telling you you’ve got the rack to make it big, or your friends can’t get enough of your slow-motion writhing, or if you can’t read or write, or if your boss is constantly congratulating you about how good you are at oral, or if you have the ability to write songs that have no melodic quality whatsoever but are as catchy as mouth herpes, or if you can’t sing, or if you just bought some dental floss but haven’t had the occassion to wear it, then this is definitely the job for you! Good Fu– Luck! Good Luck!!
(This post brought to you by a jealous bad dancer who was paid $.25 by her childhood bully to dance the Roger Rabbit at the bus stop, purely for comedic effect.)
Having picked the gossip bone clean, the media’s first feeding frenzy of Mel Mania is finally over, meaning we can now enjoy the more introspective second course of coverage in which we turn our attention from the three ring circus of the scandal itself to the comical sideshow players surrounding it (or in this case, reporting on it). Nobody is more amused by this smorgasbord of sensationalism than Jon Stewart and The Daily Show, who take this hilarious look at what happens when news programs have a very big story, but very little video footage to support it.
The folks over at Defamer discovered the MySpace page for the upcoming Oliver Stone move World Trade Center. Sure, some might consider this to be in poor taste, but honestly with all those horrible emo bands out there this isn’t even the most offensive thing I’ve seen on MySpace today.
Currently the WTC only has 133 friends, which is kind of shocking; I could’ve sworn that 9/11 was more popular than that. Right now the best comment on the page is courtesy of a lovely young woman named mmmBUTTER, who states “thys movie l0oks pimp. ima definitely see it!!” Expect to see that quote in Variety real soon.
So add WTC today! I always knew there was some sort of connection between Tom and September 11th.
Message to Jews: Buckle up for the best Yom Kippur ever. Never will the taste of your own dry saliva seem sweeter than when Mel Gibson is delivering the keynote address at your temple. Los Angeles Rabbi David Baron had the foreskin to invite Gibson to speak at his synagogue on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The L.A. Temple of the Arts boasts the largest number of Yids in the entertainment industry (making it also the headquarters for at least half-a-million conspiracy theories), and would be the ideal Semitic Debutante’s Ball for Gibson to “come out” at. What makes the invitation so appealing are the possibilities… Gibson, tanked on Manischevitz and gefilte fish, cracking his awkward opening joke — “Boy, is it just me, or is it an oven in here?” — following that up with some delightful Lethal Weapon-esque stigmata comparison, and capping it off with a heartfelt apology, given while running his hands over the head of the Rabbi’s wife checking for… lice. He’s like your crazy, racist, Malibu-owning Uncle you love to hate. I’ve already cleaned my fridge and reserved my ticket in anticipation. (Image courtesy of the Mel Gibstein t-shirt.)
Take a look at today’s round of “Celebrity Math.” It’s A Beautiful Mind-style doozy.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, August 1st! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Rockstar, Last Comic Standing, and The Real World!