- Madonna insists that she followed proper procedure in order to adopt a baby African boy. She’s been sending that “less than the price of a cup of coffee” money to Africa for years and dammit, she’s ready to collect.
- Chris Rock’s mother is set to sue the chain restaurant Cracker Barrel for racism. Weird. I always thought it’d be a white person suing Cracker Barrel for that.
- Vince Vaughn has threatened to sue the tabloids that reported he was cheating on Jennifer Aniston. Not because they’re wrong, but because they’re being total cockblocks.
- Tom Cruise is desperate to star in a film with British heartthrob David Beckham. He wants it to be a cross between Mission Impossible and Screeched!
- Heather Mills is accusing estranged husband Paul McCartney of repeated violence against her. Paul denies it, noting that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, October 17th! Giulia is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing With The Stars, Hip Hop Honors and True Life!
- WESLEY SNIPES FINANCIAL TIP:
Always bet on black.Always pay your taxes. (Reuters)
- OH, JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP ALREADY: Earth to Madonna – we all stopped caring back around Swept Away, so just don’t forget to turn the light out when you’re done doing your little attention dance, m’kay? (Madonnalicious)
- LITERARY NIP-SLIP: She may not be Lindsay Lohan, but Amy Sedaris‘ cleavage-enhanced book reading inevitably resulted in a bookish boner or two. (CC Insider)
- CORPORATE HACK: The Belush says he loves doing corporate comedy gigs because the audience “has been fed and liquored up, and they’re ready for a good time”. Curiously, he makes no mention of the money they pay him. (Page Six)
- ENDED BIDDING: An eBay auction for a date with Paula Abdul ended without a single bidder. I guess the $26,000 starting price, the $500 shipping costs and the mandatory $367,890 bar tab was just a bit too steep. (TV Squad)
- UMPTEENTH REASON YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING ‘THE WIRE’: Clay Davis’ ability to stretch out a vowel. (YouTube)
It’s rare that an advertisement is capable of being both effective AND entertaining, but this second installment of the color-crazed Sony Bravia campaign really pulls it off. While it lacks the hypnotic laid-back indie-vibe of the original “billion bouncing balls” spot, the sheer spectacle of this one more than makes up for it. Enjoy!
Hey, Brandon Flowers – could I have a word? Yeah listen, I thought “Mr. Brightside” and some of those other over-played radio hits you wrote a few years ago were pretty catchy and all, but you really need to cool it with all the self-aggrandizing smack-talk about other dandy bands who also wear make-up. Telling everyone who will listen how much better you are than The Bravery, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco and Green Day won’t change the fact that The Killers are the same brand of shitty emo mall-rock as the rest of them, no matter how many times you tell us – or yourself – that it’s not. Making fun of those other eyeliner-loving assclowns is easier than Paris Hilton on ludes, and dude, seeing as how you’re just Jared Leto without the acting gigs, I’d wait and see whether other people actually agree with your claim that Sam’s Town “is one of the best albums of the last 20 years” before continuing with your smack-talking crusade against every other musician who’s as generic and forgettable as you are. Also Mr. Not-Very-Bright, somebody told me that you’re today’s Daily Douche.
Sick of Donald Trump ? Well, too bad. According to the publisher of Trump’s quarterly magazine, The Donald is producing a pilot for a Trump cartoon. We have to ask: Why bother?
Years ago, in a Jerry Seinfeld-hosted segment, Spy magazine asked “What if Donald Trump were to get his own Saturday morning cartoon show?” It’ll probably look something like this.
Ah, Spy magazine. How you make us long for The Funny Years.
5 Years Ago, Steve-O doing whip-its on The Tom Green Show while drunkenly babbling (when did he start sounding like Yoda?) to Carson Daly about how his buddy Bam Margera once nailed Jessica Simpson might have been white-hot A-list must-see-TV. But in its attention-desperate, straight-to-the-Internet, crackhead-on-my-couch incarnation, this is just really f*cking sad. This could only be more depressing if Matt Pinfield were giving Kennedy a Dirty Sanchez while Pauly Shore danced around them singing one of his “Weasel” songs.
By now you’ve probably seen the video of Kevin Federline getting bodyslammed on last night’s episode of WWE Raw. It’s a beautiful thing, and it deserves to be watched over and over and over again.
Bono’s right: it’s a Beautiful Day indeed.
Boxer-slash-videogame character Mike Tyson is about to embark on a worldwide boxing tour where, he announced, he very well might step into the ring and fight women. Tyson, whose career record against the female race is 1-0 (with a lengthy prison sentence), wants to go up against female boxer Ann Wolfe, despite the fact she has a much better left-hook than Robin Givens.
By the way, the best part of this article about Tyson’s tour is, without question, this line:
The man who vowed to eat Lennox Lewis’ children and bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear has said he’s in no mood for a comeback.
Buy your tickets today, folks.
- Stereogum has the first new pop song from Cat Stevens in almost 30 years, and even though he’s converted into Yusef Islam, my man Cat is still riding high on the Peace Train.
- Listen Yusef, with a name like The Citizens, you probably never have to worry about being arrested at an air-port as a terror suspect, and your songs would still be written about on I Guess I’m Floating.
- The Klaxons might not be Muslim, but they’re terrorizing the airwaves over in Britain, and it looks as if they’re set to invade the US, starting with The Sandwich Club.
- The Rich Girls Are Weeping has some more cutesy shoe-gazing Swedish pop since you kids love that stuff so much, this time from Suburban Kids With Biblical Names, which is seriously an amazing name.
- Mars Needs Guitars knows that you need an Autumn Music Mix. Yay, leaves!