It’s July 27th; What’s up?

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superhero.jpgIt’s a basic cable night. Sure you have new episodes of America’s Got Talent and Big Brother on the major networks, but if you really want to be entertained you have to venture further up the dial. Like up to the Sci-Fi network, which premieres its new show Who Wants To Be A Superhero? tonight. Not to spoil it, but I think the answer is “everybody.”

Meanwhile, Spike continues on their quest to be the #1 Network For Men (who don’t get laid), airing three original shows tonight: The Dudesons, Raising The Roofs, and Women Of Action– an hour-long special about the world’s most irresistable women. I’d say “Count me in,” but I think I’d be revealing a little too much about my social life if I did.

Instead I’m going to be watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on F/X. So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

Us Weekly’s Dark Vision of Hollywood’s Future

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UsWeekly1.JPGIf you’re feeling some late-week lethargy and need something truly terrifying to scare yourself awake, mosey on over to the Us Weekly Blog and gaze in horror at their creepy photo representations of what very young Hollywood might look like in 20 years. By employing some sort of unholy ‘forensic imaging’ witchcraft, they developed animated photographs of celebrity babies (Rocco Ritchie seen above) morphing into the grown-up freakshows they are destined to become. The creep-out results would even make David Lynch squirm.

ICYMI: Borat Joins Other Aliens at Comic-Con

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If there’s one thing we’re still not sick of, it’s Borat, the racist, woman-hating Kazakhstani reporter played by Sasha Baron Cohen (better known as Ali G.) Borat stops by Comic-Con to promote his upcoming movie, reportedly so funny that Seinfeld creator Larry David left a private screening midway through, as he couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard. This segment isn’t half as funny as most of Borat’s dealings, but his description of Kazakhstan’s most famous superhero, Astounding Woman, makes it required viewing.

Your Daily Hoff: Airline Gets Huffy With Hoff

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hoffy.jpgI really can’t stress enough how happy it makes me that David Hasselhoff has finally resumed his rightful place at the forefront of mainstream American culture. Every day is like Christmas Eve when you know that The Hoff is out there, dreaming up crazy new hijinx to dazzle and delight us with. His latest shenanigan is an old Hasselhoff classic – before boarding a flight from London to LA, The Hoff apparently checked a bottle of scotch in his stomach, resulting in a state of beautiful Hoff-like wastedness that the flight crew deemed unacceptable for international air travel. Those uptight Brits – don’t they know that Knight Rider should be allowed to unwind after a stressful morning with a lunchtime cocktail if he damned well pleases?

SIZZLER: Harry Potter Going Nude on London Stage

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Potter.jpgOur favorite source for underage nudity, the New York Post, reports this morning that Daniel Radcliffe, better known to millions of youngsters as Harry Potter, will be “waving his other wand” in a new stage production of the Peter Shaffer play Equus. I know that’s a lot to absorb, so take your time. Harry Potter will play “an emotionally disturbed boy who takes off his clothes and blinds horses,” which is now officially the greatest thing we’ve ever heard. It will also make a nice transition for little Radcliffe into the world of more adult roles involving horse-blinding and nude-prancing. First Dakota Fanning getting raped, now this… what could possibly be next?

We did, however, get a good laugh out of this eerily similar Onion headline: Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus

ICYMI: The Simpsons Movie Clips

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Straight outta Comic-Con, Film Wad has a couple of clips of the looooong awaited Simpsons movie, set to come out next year. The best quote that Simpsons geeks will be echoing for years to come? Homer’s “Why does everything I whip leave me?” Watch it now.

Link via Gorillamask
UPDATE: Apparently sneaking a video camera into a private screening and posting the footage on YouTube is not cool. Who would’ve thunk it? The video’s been removed.

While You Were Debating O-Town’s Sexuality…

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Sex Advice From 90′s Icons

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screech.jpgI learned everything I know about sex in the 90′s. I bet I’m not alone. Thanks to television shows like the aptly named Sex In The 90′s and movies like Blown Away, I left the decade well informed and very prepared. But as nice as it was picking up tips from The Dog Brothers and The Coreys, I never actually received any sex advice from 90′s icons. Until today.

Alexis Tirado and the folks over at Nerve.com lined up some well-known 90′s icons to help out the youth of today. The list includes Dustin “Screech” Diamond, Susan Powter, Jake “Squirt TV” Fogelnest, Dan Renzi from Real World: Miami, and the infamous Wiley Wiggins, best known as Mitch from Dazed & Confused. You’d think Screech would the be highlight of this thing, but no. Mr. Wiggins steals the show.

Did President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky make oral sex more acceptable?
You’re asking me was oral sex less acceptable in the ’80s than it was in the ’90s? I have no idea. I could never get anybody to go down on me when I was ten. All the girls in my elementary school were prudes.

Mine too, Mitch. Mine too. Read the whole thing here.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, July 26th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, July 26th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Rockstar, America’s Got Talent, and Project Runway!

…OF THE DAY

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  • SELF-PROMOTING LIST: Rolling Stone ranks the Top 500 songs of All-Time, putting Bob Dylan‘s “Like a Rolling Stone” and the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction” as numbers 1 and 2. Ranked third? Little known band Oversized Magazine‘s song “Rolly, the Stone that Rolled.”

  • McMIRACLE: Katherine McPhee beats her medically diagnosed McLaryngitis and returns to the American Idol tour. 11-year-old girls and 45-year-old men sigh in relief.
  • REASON TO BUY TIVO: Rosie O’Donnell‘s debut on The View is set for Sept. 5, and her first guest will be Jessica Simpson. You know the poor thing is gonna run off the set in terry-cloth daisy dukes and tears. Jessica that is, not Rosie… we hope.
  • POONMAN: Soundgarden has been slated to write the theme song to the new James Bond thriller, Casino Royale. The song is called “You Know My Name”, and if it’s anything like their anthem “Black Hole Sun”, we’ll be 13, awkward-looking, and friendless.
  • CRINGE-INDUCING PHOTOMONTAGE: The latest issue of Details features a photo-quiz comparing faces of Food Network chefs enjoying a meal to porno stars in the throes of ecstasy. Seeing Rachel Ray make her “O” face is like being groped by a drunk uncle… try to avoid it if you can.