If a Dennis Rodman Babbles Insanely In the Street and TMZ Isn’t There To Film It, Did It Really Make a Sound?


Daily Douche - rodmandouche.jpgAfter viewing this unnecessary clip over at TMZ, one might conclude that Dennis Rodman is on the rebound (hey-O!). Standing outside a heavily-trafficked Hollywood hotspot, apropos of nothing, the full-time freakshow with a passing interest in basketball launched into the following impromptu dissertation on the various women he’s been romantic with over the years:

“All the girls I’ve loved before, I’ll f*** ‘em all. Every bitch that’s f***ed me, like this one, I’m gonna give it f***’n hell brotha.”

Um…okay? Well Dennis, I’m not really sure what in the hell you’re talking about, but I can safely assure you that we all stopped giving a sh*t about your “wild man” antics somewhere between Carmen Electra and Double Team. Standing outside The Ivy and rambling about “f*cking b*tches” isn’t rebellious or edgy – it’s something we expect from crazy street people, which is exactly what you like here. So for your tragic misconception about the public’s continued interest in your moronic behavior (and, what the hell, for old time’s sake), I am pleased to award you the honor of being today’s Daily Douche, along with all the undeserved attention this distinction will bring you.

Jessica Simpson- The More You Know


jessica-simpson-blockbus-11.jpg“I’m a cheesy pop star. I am. I sing pop music, pop music is cheesy.”

Jessica Simpson was recently interviewed by Jane magazine. The folks over at Janemag.com have some audio outtakes from her interview. So head on over there right now to learn more about Jessica than you ever thought you would. Fun facts like:

  • Dolly Parton is her idol.
  • She’s into photography.
  • Listens to Judy Garland’s “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” every single day.
  • She sees a white butterfly every single day but she can’t figure out what it means.

I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that knowing these things may save your life someday. You’re welcome.

AD WIZARDS: High Interest Loans Are Dope!


Yo, homies! Do u wanna pimp yo’ ride with some hot new stunna wheelz, but keep gettin’ smacked down because of your wiggity-whack credit from that bangin’ system you dropped all the cheese on? Well your homedogs over at 1-800-MAJOR-LOAN roll so deep with getting you a bangin’ rate on a major loan up in this b*tch, they’ll even bust out some dope flow skillz and tag a brick wall or two. Word? Just don’t hate on the high interest rates!

Countdown Till 11/7: Attack Ad Of The Day


You know the one thing we’re going to miss after the election is over next Tuesday? Humorous attack ads like this one. Ron Kind is the Wrong Kind… unless of course you want a guy who “pays for sex, but not for soldiers.” Um… can I get back to you with an answer on that one? Thanks.

Clip via Wonkette

Have Yourself A Merry Lohan Christmas!


lohanxmas.jpgAs it’s never too early to get yourselves in the Holiday Spirt, we direct you over to Amazon, where you can pick up Ali Lohan’s Christmas Album, Lohan Holiday (swear to god), while supplies last. Yes, nothing will bring the happy holiday cheer to your house quite like this treasure of twelve Christmas Classics as sung by Lindsay’s lesser-known little sister. Tracks include:

  • “I’ll Be At Hyde For Christmas”
  • “I Saw Mommy Giving Santa Claus a Handjob For Magazine Publicity”
  • “White (Powder) Christmas”
  • “Grandma Got Runover By Some Paparazzi”
  • “The 12 Grams of Christmas”
  • “Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Firecrotch”
  • “Lindsay the White-Nosed Sister”
  • “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two More Drinks”
  • “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Anorexia”
  • “O Come On, Not Again!”
  • “Silent Treatment Night”
  • “Away In the Rehabilitation Facility”

It’s a Lohan Christmas Miracle! Preview the lyrics to our personal favorite, “Have a Lindsay Lohan Christmas”, after the jump!

Read more…

Totally Orgasmic


Sometimes VH1 makes me angry. They have this movie Totally Awesome premiering this weekend and by all accounts it looks pretty decent (and by “pretty decent” I mean “hopefully better than “Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story.“) But then I go and find this clip of a hot chick playing with her nipples and faking an orgasm on camera and it’s tagged “Deleted” & “Censored”?!?!? What’s the hell is that all about? Come on VH1! Grow a pair!

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this scene was removed from the final cut because it didn’t contain as much nudity as the rest of the movie. Now that would be Totally Awesome.

SIZZLER: Bin Laden Targets Brangelina? This War on Terror Just Got Personal!


brangelinacrosshairs.jpgIt’s time to raise the terror alert to the hot pink “Celebrity Danger” level, because according to this report, our beloved Brangelina is in danger of being attacked by al-Qaeda! In what might be the terrorist organization’s most brazen move since September 11th, the threat to the well-being of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is so significant that they’ve been put on “Y category security” (whatever that means) by the government of India, where Angelina is currently shooting the film A Mighty Heart. Once the crippling terror wears off, we’re left wondering how President Bush will retaliate to this obscene attack on everything this country holds dear. We need to be tough, none of this pus*y-ass “invading and demolishing a country that had nothing to do with it” stuff – it’s time to nuke India, people. We must take a firm stance and tell these heathen cowards once and for all – you can terrorize our people, but not our famous people!

Jack Is In The Basement Mixing Up The Medicine


lost.jpg[Spoiler Alert (I think)] On last night’s episode of Lost Juliet did her best Weird Al Yankovic as Michael Hutchence as Bob Dylan impression in order to… you know, I’m not going to say anything, I know how crazy you Lost fans get.

As a guy who doesn’t regularly watch Lost but does love a good Dylan homage, I have to ask the question: Who owns this move? If you click below you can watch 3 incarnations of it, including the original “Subterranean Homesick Blues”. Which one is your favorite: Bob, Mike, or Weird? [pic via Idolator]

Read more…

Ladieees!: Brad Pitt is in Boxers, and He’s Angry.


pitt1.JPGWe’ve got to hand it to Vanity Fair: They’ve got serious chram. The magazine scrapped its original plan to put Borat on their December cover, instead opting for a near-nude photo of Brad Pitt standing in an alley wearing boxer shorts, parading the picture on the cover of their Art Issue. (We would categorize it as “God’s Fantastic Glory Issue”, but let’s continue.) Turns out the photo was a still taken from a short video directed by portrait artist Robert Wilson, a photo Pitt never authorized for Vanity Fair‘s usage. While we add Graydon Carter to our Christmas list as a thank you, you can actually see the entire short video here in high definition. It’s borderline Brokeback 2, but we’ll deal with that.