Current Mood: Divorced

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myspacedivorce.jpgSure, you could pay thousands of dollars for one of those highfalutin “publicist” people with their big words and horn-rimmed glasses, but why bother wasting that kind of time and money when MySpace provides you with the perfect forum through which you can publicly announce the demise of your marriage in your own misspelled, gramatically incorrect words? In the past couple of days, the world has been shaken to its core with the news that the holy matrimonies of both Jenna Jameson and Shanna Barker have turned out to be shams, leaving us all wondering just what is left of “family values” in America when a porn star and a gold-digging groupie whose first names both rhyme with “banana” can’t even manage to maintain healthy marriages? Luckily, the answers to these tough questions can be found on their respective MySpace blogs, which Jenna and Shanna have both utilized to incoherently communicate to fans about their true feelings during this tough time. :( :( :(

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: The Hoff’s Looking For Love

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beyonce1.jpgYesterday the anti-Christ that is The Hoff announced that he was looking for a mate. Specifically, a mate who’s more famous than he is. We offered a few suggestions for potential mates/nicknames, and then you contributed a few of your own in the comments (the absolute best one: Lance Bass + David Hasselhoff = Basselhoff). So today we figure it’s time for a contest.

Who do you want to see The Hoff date in order to create the best nickname since Brangelina? Send your photoshops + nicknames to contests@bwe.tv. The best one will get a prize. You can click here and click below to see what we’ve come up so far.

Good luck… and may The Hoff be with you.

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Update: Screech Actually Crazy Woman’s Rape Fantasy

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screech.jpgYesterday, word got out that Dustin “Screech” Diamond was mugged. We pictured a man, 10 feet tall if he was a foot, grabbing Screech by his throat and slamming him to a corkboard, while slashing his denim pockets with laser-beam eyes and stealing the guy’s last $5.

Here’s what actually happened
(shocking parts written in italics): Some insane woman broke into Screech’s hotel room, armed with a mace canister, and made off with a few Playstation games. Then, Screech, very serious about his Playstation games, managed to pin the woman to the door of his hotel room, and grab the games back. Then, the woman screamed “Rape.”

“Rape-ape-ape-ape (echo bouncing off canyons)” is what it must have sounded like in Dustin’s cavernous head. Diamond need not worry of any false accusations, however. Because if Screech were to rape anyone, he would obviously be sporting a dapper Mark-Paul Gosslear mask.

SIZZLER: Robin Williams Finally Relaxing in Rehab

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robin_williams.jpgTruly shocking news: Robin Williams is in rehab… for drinking, and not cocaine abuse. Williams, the laid-back, relaxed comic who made his name as an actor in such classics as Mork and Mindy and Mrs. Doubtfire (No sarcasm intended on the “classics” part), was missing from the premiere of his latest film, The Night Listener. Instead, he was in Oregon, kicking back at the Hazleden Springbrook Rehab Clinic. Williams walks around in a constant state of panic attack, and while his exhuberance brings to mind the Ghost Train from Ghostbusters 2, his publicist insists he went to get treatment for excessive drinking… Cocaine-Infused Red Bull, surely.

First Mel Gibson, then Robin Williams… both actors who portrayed teachers… who’s next? Jon Lovitz? Michelle Pfeiffer? This is a sad game, let’s not even play it.

ICYMI: FOX News Finally Gets Something Right

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A screencap of Alan Holmes speaking earlier on FOX’s politcal gab-fest Hannity & Colmes shows that no matter what the network claims, their fans aren’t always so “fair and balanced”. They are, however, way more awesome.

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PROPPED: Big Brother Is Watching You Whack It

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Thanks to reader coledc for dropping us this true “In Case You Missed It” (and believe me, you’ll wish you had). The very act of appearing on a reality show requires a significant sacrifice of one’s dignity, but on Big Brother 7, cast-member Mike Boogie takes humiliation to a whole new level by getting into a small box for a little “me-time” privacy from the house’s cameras (because nothing gets a man hornier than the claustrophobic sensation of being buried alive), who instead hold hilariously on the immobile box as the dude knocks his own boots. Even by reality TV standards, I think this clip captures human disgrace in ways previously unimagined:

Drop us more awesome stuff (but not too much, or you’ll go blind)!