K-Fed & His $50 Million Penis

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“Here’s a note to stars: When you make a sex tape it always comes back to bite you in that certain area you chose to bare on screen. You follow?”

I couldn’t say it any better myself, completely disposable FoxNews anchor. With a rumored Britney/K-Fed sex tape about to rear it’s ugly (and we mean ugly) head, the people over at Fox report Mr. Fed has already been offered $50 million for the 4-hour long tape. Me? I find it hard to believe Kevin Federline has ever worked for 4 hours on anything.

Video via Gawker

While You Were Snorting Your Morning Coffee…

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Best Night Ever: Monday, November 13th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, November 13th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including How I Met Your Mother, Prison Break, Heroes, and Studio 60!

…Of The Day

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  • CALL IT A COMEBACK: Tara Reid looks… good. Wait, what? How are we supposed to deal with this? (Hollywoodtuna)
  • K-Fed finally found a place to go where he’s appreciated: Wal*Mart. Maybe they’ll hire him. (TMZ)
  • THEORETICAL QUESTION: If somebody makes a “You’re with me, leather” reference on a show that nobody watches, did it ever happen at all? Apparently. (Deadspin)
  • GOOD NEWS FOR PEDOPHILES: Dateline has fired 17 employees, making it even trickier to Catch A Predator. (The Huffington Post)
  • GOOD NEWS FOR MUSIC SNOBS: What are your favorite indie-rockers listening to? Now there’s an easy way to find out. (PopCandy)

The REAL Extended Spiderman 3 Trailer!

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First things first, we want to point out the striking similarities between Tobey Maguire as “Evil Spiderman” and Hitler as “Hitler“:

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Moving along! Forget that other Spiderman 3 trailer you saw a few days back… Here is the super-sized, un-cut, kick-ass trailer scheduled to be released in theaters this spring. Parts of it are still animation only, and while it’s not fully glossed over, this trailer is a welcomed donkey punch to your cerebral cortex. Plus, the last frame is so startling and scary that we kind of can’t believe it’s in the movie.

[removed for legal reasons! feel free to search Google Video, though.]

SHOW AND TELL: Stay Classy-O!

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Here are some of today’s most memorable pictures. Click the orange “left and right” arrows to flip through them all.

Justin Seay Enjoys “Gettin’ Drunk”, NASCAR & Racism!

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daily-douch---frat-dude.jpgMeet Justin Seay. This killer college dude-bro is best known for his star-making turn in the Borat movie, in which he gives a tour-de-force perfmance playing himself in a scene that consists of pouring cheap beer down his bloated throat, making matter-of-fact racist remarks about the “good old days of slavery”, and disrespecting women in ways that would make Howard Stern blush. Despite the fact that his dream of becoming the most unlikable human being on the face of the earth has been given a big boost by the box office success of Borat, Mr. Seay claims to now be suffering “humiliation, mental anguish, emotional and physical distress, los sof reputation, goodwill and good-standing in the community” on account of on-screen behavior. Now, I just can’t imagine why Mr. Seay, who so amazingly represents himself all on his own (nice shirt stain, Porky!), would be negatively affected by being featured as one of the very funniest parts of the funniest movie of the year. Furthermore, Seay wasn’t coaxed or tricked into behaving the way he did. He is the living, breathing, eating (lots of eating) embodiment of frat culture in this country (particularly the Southern region of this country), and his special kind of slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, unblinking and unbelievable ignorance is exactly why the rest of us have to deal with so much sh*tty sh*t like Girls Gone Wild, Triple Bacon Double Fried Pizza-Stuffed Cheeseburgers, retarded SUVs, Widespread Panic and America’s Next Top Loss of Dignity every time we turn on a f*cking television. This guy is the Daily Douche because he’s such a total douche literally every single day of his worthless little (okay, not so little) life.

Unemployment Check: Lez Mis with Rosie and Liz!

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LESMISPIC.JPGContinuing with our musical theater theme today… You might think that View co-hosts Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth “Don’t Mame Me” Hasselbeck are bitter enemies when the cameras shut off, but it appears the case is the opposite: When they’re not forced to butt heads about gay marriage and abortion, they’re two unevenly sized peas in a pod! So it was with great enthusiasm that they attended the opening night gala of Les Miserables (Lez Mis?), an event Rosie realized needed to be caught on camera for the show. Watch as the two Bff’s drunkenly slur along to “Castle In A Cloud” on the drive over, and marvel at how, when she’s not spewing factless hate, Hasselbeck seems almost charming.

Also, we are definitely buying tickets to this show… Donald Sutherland* as Jean Valjean? I feel my soul on fire, ya’ll.

*Or his spitting image?

Choose Or Lose: Pam Or Karen?

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jim pam.jpgNow that the midterm elections are over it’s time to start making some very serious decisions. Namely, who are you rooting for Jim from The Office to get with: Pam or Karen?

Lindsay Robertson and Claire Zulkey have chosen sides (Lindsay = Pam, Claire = Karen) and have posed arguments on each others’ blogs. They’ve even made T-shirts. We already know which one we’re ordering… Sorry Pam.

To read Claire’s pro-Karen piece, click here. For Lindsay’s pro-Pam, click here. And to see John Krasinski singing karaoke on Ellen (just because), click here.
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