Memo to the NY Post: If you’re going to include this picture of Scarlett Johansson from Allure magazine in your newspaper, please give the reader fair warning. Something along the lines of “Alert: When you turn the page you’re going to see a semi-nude photograph of the sexiest woman alive (who also happens to be a role model for sexual health. Make sure you’re not eating or drinking anything, for you’ll surely choke, and if you’re a man on the subway, make sure you’re not standing too close to anybody. For obvious reasons.”
We haven’t seen this photo anywhere else online today, so you’re just going to have to enjoy this low-res scanned image. Or you can go buy The Post. It’ll probably be the best $.25 you spend today. Just make sure you’re prepared. You’ve been warned.
While you’re busy splashing fur-bedecked magazine editors with red paint and insisting that chickens each be handed a plush studio-cage, there are live animals – LIVE – who are being tortured out in the open, for all the world to see, and you guys don’t intervene. Look at this pug held by Paris Hilton, clearly being squeezed to death both physically and intellectually. Either this lil’ guy has Graves’ disease, or it’s exhibiting classic “warning signs” in the realm of “I only have a few more hours to live.”
For God’s sake, the pup even tries to slap her himself — and fails.
Please, unzip your bloodstained cow costumes, take a long look in the mirror, and hotfoot it to LA where hundreds of toy animals are experiencing this torture on a daily basis.
The World Including, But Not Limited To, Blind People
When you woke up Monday morning to discover that North Korea is testing real working nuclear weapons, your mind might have been sent reeling with all the fears and questions such a scenario presents. Well, if there’s one person who understands the nuances of global military conflict and diplomacy, it’s the man who brought us Airplane!, Top Secret!, The Naked Gun! and the last 3 Scary Movies(!). Yes, screwball film director David Zucker made a campaign ad outlining all the vaudvillian, slapstick ways in which the Democrats (namely, Madeleine Albright in drag) have single-handedly allowed evil to thrive in the world. For some reason, the Republicans never chose to run the ads, but thanks to the wonders of YouTube, we can all enjoy it here to today. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you just might learn something. But mostly you’ll cry.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, October 10th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing with The Stars, Law & Order and Nip/Tuck!
The most disgusting sentence, and accompanying mental image, we’ve seen all day has to come from this Page Six item, describing the puppy love between director Quentin Tarantino and his newfound paramour, “Hot Young Asian Woman”:
At the after-party at the Hollywood Roosevelt, the woman “tripped and fell flat on her face.” She later sucked Tarantino’s fingers while he ate sliders.
The word you’re looking for isn’t actually a word – it’s the sound of you hurling tiny hamburgers all over the keyboard in front of you. That’s why a certain Reservoir Horn-Dog is today’s Daily Douche.
“No, I’m glad we’re doing this too. Now, do you have any more questions SugarTits?”
Obviously we can’t wait for Mel Gibson’s interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC. What do you think he’s going to say? Leave your Captions in the Comments now!
We’ve never been huge bunny people, not since our roommate in college brought one home, only to discover it was pregnant, and then to watch it give birth to a still litter. But we can’t deny that we crack up laughing every time we watch this Skittles Commercial, featuring an operatic singing bunny and a veeeeery familiar voiceover artist… oh, no, we just tasted the rainbow a little bit in our mouth.
With thanks to Bex Schwartz!
Speaking of Halloween Costumes, your friends here at BWE contributed our own idea to AOL’s annual list of Celebrity Halloween Costumes. And who else would we have suggested other than He who makes our lives Hoffish week in and week out here on this little blog of ours? It’s never too early to start planning your get-up for the big night, which is now only about 3 weeks away. Dracula, Wolfman, Frankenstein and the rest of The Monster Squad have been done a bajillion times (except for Scary German Guy, who’s always an excellent choice), so it might be time to think about dressing as something truly scary, like the Olsen Twins. So check out AOL’s site for our Hoffoween Hoffstume and some other truly monstrous suggestions.