American Idol auditions are right around the corny, and this season is (cue publicist’s dummy) sure to be the best one yet. For the first time ever, producers of the show are giving the American songwriting public a chance to pen the big closing number sung on the show’s final episode. Because we care, we’ve put together a Mad Libs style song entry, so each and every one of you can enter. Get out a pen and paper, write down a word for each number. Then, after the jump, plug it into your new hit song, and mail it off to the show. We’ll let you know which one of you wins in about 7 months time.
1. Object; 2. Location; 3. Body Part; 4. Verb; 5. Adjective; 6. Noun; 7. Verb; 8. Noun; 9. Verb; 10. Noun; 11. Name; 12. Exclamation; 13. Noun; 14. Exclamation; 15. Noun
Some unknown indie-rocker who goes by the name Bob Dylan is the latest musician to use MySpace as a DIY way to get the word out about their music. He doesn’t have nearly as many friends as legitimate talents like Tila Tequila and Dane Cook and his picture is pretty emo, but this Dylan guy’s little songs “Mr. Tambourine Man”, “Like A Rolling Stone”, “Lay Lady Lay” and “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” are available for listening on his profile page so you can decide whether or not he’s worth an add. Here’s what one commenter is already saying about him:
Check out these before and after pictures of Britney Spears from a Glamour Magazine photo shoot taken earlier this year. Spears, who came to the photoshoot looking like a feral child discovered underneath a porch somewhere in Alabama, is airbrushed to near perfection. The hair goes from tranny wig to coiffed, the skin from Edward James Olmos to Almost Perfect. But you know what they can’t airbrush? The vast and infinite emptiness that lay beneath her pupils. The eyes do not lie, people. (via ONTD)
If you signed up for e-mail updates about landscaping from OutsidePride.com, you also signed up for CEO Troy Hake’s angry missives about the homosexuality he witnessed on CBS during the previous night’s episodes of Without A Trace and Cold Case. Normally a mild-mannered purveyor of soil products, Hake suddenly hulks out into a pissed off Pat Robertson when his normal night of god-fearing family entertainment featuring kidnappings and grisly murders solved by heterosexual crime-fighters is interrupted by two consecutive hours of what he describes as “gay feelings” and “lesbianism”. But Troy is no hate-mongering fag-basher:
Now, I am NOT trying to bash homosexuals and I am not a bigot; however, I feel homosexuality is morally wrong and should not be “promoted” as what is the norm for society…If homosexuality was the norm, civilization would have ceased to exist thousands of years ago. Procreation takes a man and a woman. There was Adam and then there was Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Who knew a Lawn Fertilizer salesman could also fertilize our minds with seeds of such genius rhetoric? Maybe he can do something about this Will & Grace show – I hear it’s all about the gays!
New York Magazine has compiled a NYC Map of the Stars, replete with a handy-dandy, easy-to-stalk grid. While the magazine claims that the pinpoints are not the exact locations of the stars, it does encourage readers to hang out at the corner bodegas to try and catch a glimpse of Derek Jeter buying a 40 oz., or to check out what kind of pornography Karl Lagerfeld prefers (Men on Horseback). We know how many of our readers are expert cartographers, and not necessarily creepy fans of celebrity-related things, so please: Enjoy. (Link via Gawker.)
After his band 30 Seconds to Mars performed to a completely uninterested crowd (except for thirty or so eyeliner-wearing message board superfans in the front row) at last weekend’s Lollapalooza Festival, Jared Leto took a long enough break from being totally punk rock in the Fila swag suite to explain to Page Six why he was sporting a pair of decidedly un-indie plastic clogs. After gaining and losing so much weight for his upcoming film Chapter 27, Leto has developed gout, a painful mineral buildup in the joints. Could this also be the reason for his pretentious emo rockstar posturing? Either way, his suffering is as real as the make-up-colored tears streaming down his sad little cheeks.
“Basically I wake up in the morning and every day is the best day of my life. Because I know that I’ve gotten better looking from the night before.”- Usman, One Ocean View
ABC’s Fire Island reality show One Ocean View is two episodes old now, but judging by the bland characters (everyone other than Usman, naturally), contrived drama, and overall borrrrrrrrrrringness of the show, I can’t imagine it lasting that much longer. Now, I haven’t checked the ratings– for all I know it’s the Two & A Half Men of reality shows– but I’d be shocked… SHOCKED… if One Ocean View makes it past episode number 4. I mean, have you seen it? It’s a poor man’s The Hills, full of rock music so generic it makes the Hilary Duff intro on Laguna Beach sound like the White Stripes. You know it’s bad when your friends describe a montage song as a “lame Jet rip-off.” Um, isn’t that a bit redunant?
So the OVER/UNDER is 4 episodes. Will One Ocean View surpass the 4 episode mark? Will it fall short and crap out at three? Or will it survive two more weeks only to get the plug pulled immediately following the airing of the fourth? What do you think? Vote now!
What’s most disturbing about this picture of Cher?
a. Cher looks like a dead fish pulled out of the ocean.
b. Cher spent $48 on a bag full of clothes from Wet Seal.
c. Cher probably takes 3 hours to cross a street.
d. Despite our harmless jibes, Cher still has a great body.
e. Cher was seen in a suburban mall minus an entourage.
(Photo via X17)
Lesson to all you one-legged models out there: Probs best not to date/marry Sir Paul McCartney. McCartney, who was famously married to soft-core porn model Heather “Ilene” Mills, is now in the midst of what’s looking to be a nasty divorce. Most everyone’s favorite Beatle had to freeze his bank account last month after Mills withdrew nearly $2 million. Attorneys now say that McCartney could lose up to a quarter of his wealth, or roughly the GNP of Portugal.
Yesterday, police responded to a call that a strange man was climbing over the wall of McCartney’s property. Turns out, it was Mills’ bodyguard, told to climb over the wall after McCartney went ahead and changed the locks without telling her. How bad must it suck to be a one-legged woman’s bodyguard, p.s.? It’s like “Um, do me a favor? Can you climb over this wall and break into my ex-husband’s house for me? I’d do it… but with the leg and all… so… yeah.” No charges were pressed, but the message is pretty clear: Keep you and your parts off my property.
Who are you guys siding with?