Thom Yorke, The Thinking Man’s Britney

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RADIOHEAD.JPGIs Thom Yorke, the fair-voiced lead singer of Radiohead, taking tips on how to emote from Britney Spears? Yorke, whose solo album The Eraser debuted earlier this month, has written a poem composed of lines and snippets pulled from various bad reviews of the CD. The poem is strangely reminiscent of one of the tiger-obsessed ballads penned by Britney Spears on her personal website. And now that we take a closer look, Yorke’s lines look like they were written for K-Fed himself! Check it out:

lacks motivation. full of own self importance.
always shooting his mouth off.
tends to stray from the path…

never was.
never will be again.
the only way is down.
so now ambels around aimlessly.

If you’re one of T-Yo’s robot pals, bring him a cup of hot chocolate, mechanically stroke his back, and keep repeating all that jazz about him being a legend and stuff.

Now YOU Can Own Gary Busey’s Poop!

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Do you ever find yourself reading this blog and thinking, “Gee, I just love these celebrities so much. I wish I could have a piece of them all of my own”? Well, now you can – literally! Our friends over at Cityrag have found the solution to all of your gift-buying problems – a website that sells specimens of celebrity skin and bodily wastes! If you think Sarah Jessica Parker has beautiful skin, just $15.75 will buy you a sample of some of her skin cells! Ever wanted to own a crap taken by Jack Black, Crispin Glover or Burt Reynolds? Now you can! We know that all the possibilities are pretty exciting, so be sure to peruse the FAQs that address concerns such as how these samples are procured, how to guarantee the authenticity of your famous fecal matter, and whether or not the website would be interest in purchasing Courtney Love’s “vaginal fluid”, should you be lucky enough to obtain one. Who needs autographs when you can have poop?

Update: It’s a Hoax! Dammit!

ICYMI: Houston, Having a Problem

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It’s summertime, which means the only television I can rely on is Project Runway and The Office reruns. Then it occurred to me: I miss Being Bobby Brown, the Bravo reality series that followed the crazed antics of Whitney Houston and hubby Bobby. For those of you like me, or those with 19 seconds of company time on your hands, check out this Greatest Hits reel. Sing along to her classic tracks “Hell To The No”, “Aw Hell No”, “Oh Hell– Hell No!”, and her #1 hit single “I Am Not Doing This With Him Todaaaaaay.” (Link via Popsugar)

ICYMI: The Song Of The Summer Is Finally HERE!

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Sorry Rihanna. Step aside Justin. THIS right here is the song of the summer. Written a day after French soccer player Zinadine Zidane delivered the Headbutt heard ’round the world, this track has already exploded in France. It’s titled “Headbutt”, but you find any of those in the video– just a lot of goold old fashioned booty-shaking.

Now good luck getting it out of your head.

SIZZLER: Simon Cowell’s Lover, Revealed!

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cowell.JPGBritish tabloid The Mirror has gotten an exclusive picture of the young lover Simon Cowell has grasped in his vulture talons while his nearly ancient 32-year-old girlfriend is away. The world may pretend to act shocked, but camman, you knew it all along.

In all seriousness, her name is Jasmine Lennard, the 21-year-old the daughter of an ex-Bond girl who has spent nearly the last 20 years of her life in rehab. The article goes into randy detail of Lennard’s coke-addled, orgy-prone teen years, along with a heebie-jeebie inducing account of Cowell’s moves in the bedroom. It’s a little NSFW, if your coworkers could see your thoughts. Oh, and she’s bisexual, which would probably explain the attraction. Have you seen the rack that guy is sporting?

While You Were Summer Loving

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  • The Hoff’s publicist claims The Hoff wasn’t turned away from a British Airways flight because The Hoff was drunk, The Hoff was merely feeling ill. And on that note, how great must it be to act as a publicist for a man who calls himself The Hoff?
  • Michael Jackson has sold his amusement park rides for $500,000. Though it’s going to cost even more to get all the creepy stains removed.
  • Katharine McPhee will visit the White House to meet President Bush. The two will talk about what it felt like finishing second.
  • According to the Chicago Tribune, “Pals Line Up To Back Bass After His Coming Out.” I’m thinking there’s a better way to phrase that.
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will finally tie the knot later this summer or early next fall. It depends on when the M:I3 DVD is released.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, July 27th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, July 27th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night tv, including So You Think You Can Dance?, America’s Got Talent, and Who Wants To Be A Superhero?!

…Of The Day

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  • CONSPIRACY THEORY: Ashlee Simpson was replaced with a better looking model. You know, kinda like they did with Becky on Roseanne. (Collegehumor)
  • BIZARRE COVER: Sounds like U2 is covering a track by Albert Hammond Jr. from The Strokes. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? (The Modern Age)
  • BIGGEST LITTLE BASEBALL CONTROVERSY: If you tell your fans you have the last living Munchkin from The Wizard Of Oz, you better damn well have the last living Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. (Deadspin)
  • DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB: Kevin Federline- Male Model. Don’t worry, it’s only a part-time gig. (J2)
  • 4th TIME’S A CHARM: Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock will have four separate weddings. Kid hopes to remember at least 1 of them. (D-Listed)

ICYMI: Best $5 Ever

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annanicoleweb.JPGFor little more than the cost of a gallon of gas, you could have an entire month’s worth of access to video footage far crazier than anything R. Kelly could come up with on a playground in Bangkok with an endless supply of Viagra. $4.99 might not seem like a lot of money these days, but at AnnaNicole.com that kind of change will buy you a front seat for the greatest freakshow since The Elephant Man’s farewell tour. It’s hard to explain, but there’s something oddly therapeutic about watching Anna Nicole’s little home movies – it’s kind of like Prozak in podcast form. I guess there are just those days when you really need to see a pill-addled bimbo in an airbrushed t-shirt giving rambling culinary tips on the proper way to prepare a peanut butter, mayonnaise and cheese fried sandwich (with “nanners” on it, if she has them). Sometimes jokes are just so unnecessary.