Is There Any Hope for Hollywood Hipster Love?

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BILSONBRODY.JPGThis morning, we’ve learned some awful news through the gossip grapevine: Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson, the ultimate in starry-eyed hipster cardigany adorableness, are going through a “rough patch.” (SOUL-EXHUMING SIGH.) The couple, who as the world knows took their fairy-tale relashe from The O.C. to real-life proportions, have been going strong for the last few years, and were even reported to be enaged. So what went wrong? Two fish-lipped words: ZACH BRAFF. Bilson has been gabbing with Braff non-stop, and it’s filling Seth Cohen with an anger usually seen in fake-father Browzy LaRue.

You know, we were willing to give Zach Braff a chance. Sure, he made possibly our least favorite faux-wacky movie pre-Life Aquatic. And sure, he has only one facial expression. But, hey: He’s had his moments. But let’s add another memo to our growing anti-Braff collection: If you break up our favorite Hollywood hipster couple, you are not only a major traitor, sir, but you will also become reviled by your current fan base. So please, do us a favor, do yourself a favor, put down your phone, and continue on with your quest to be peripherally annoying.

LISTEN UP: Let’s Take a TO

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  • Gorilla vs Bear rallies behind Terrell Owens in this dark time, and shows solidarity by posting a track from TO’s rap debut, “I’m Back”. Ironically, his rap skillz make me want to end it all with pills.
  • Aquarium Drunkard gazes deeply into several different versions of the Velvet Underground classic “Pale Blue Eyes”.
  • Muzzle of Bees has a track from the latest album of whiskey-drenched anthems by Lucero, and I highly reccomend you go listen to it.
  • Head over to Musicisnotdead and say hello to “Goodbye”, a nice little track from newcomers The Postmarks.
  • As much as Brooklyn Vegan seems to love Grizzly Bear, lets hope he doesn’t end up suffering the same fate as that crazy dude in Grizzly Man.

Pete Doherty Checks Out Of Rehab, Performs With Band, Duets With Girlfriend, Probably Does Drugs: All In The Same Day

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The title says it all. Here’s a video from Monday’s Babyshambles show in Ireland. The video is shaky and blurry and you can’t really make out what’s going on… so in a way it’s kind of like being Pete Doherty. Keep your eyes open for a cigarette smoking Kate Moss hopping on stage and singing at the halfway mark.

Vid via Stereogum.

President of Kazakhstan Goes Mel Gibson Cray-Cray

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BORAT23.JPGThere is something to be said about becoming so defensive over a joke that in a way, you kind of prove that maybe, in fact, the joke is kind of true. Something can also be said when instead of just straight up denial, you go ahead and make a $40,000,000 movie about allllll the reasons the joke is false. Such is the case in the showdown between Sasha Baron Cohen’s Borat character, the famed Kazakhstani reporter with a penchant for making love inside of his sister, and the government of Kazakhstan. President Nazarbayev of the Kazakh nation is so worried that Borat’s incestuous slandering is going to kill their image, the man is commissioning a $40 million dollar propaganda movie proving the stereotypes false. The movie, entitled Nomad, will follow the journey of a warrior (who loves chickens and prostitutes) “born to unite the Kazakh tribes and free them from the Jungar occupiers of western Mongolia,” i.e. Sleepless in Seattle 2.

Well that seems reasonable to us. Gathering up all the pocket change and gold fillings of the peoples, and funnelling it into a Miramax release that approx 1 person will pay to see: President Nazarbayev. After the jump, check out this video of Borat actually meeting said President at the MTV European Music Awards! Maybe the movie isn’t such a bad idea…

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CAPTION THIS! The George W. BushPlug

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From the website: Because he wants to find out as much about you as possible and to get inside your most personal business, we figured we would offer you the opportunity to show him where the sun don’t shine.

You can buy the Bushplug here. And thanks to Fleshbot… for oh so many reasons. Leave your Captions in the Comments now.

FIZZLER: Jen & Vince Are Over Says Encyclopedia Britannica!

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JENVINCE.JPGAnother day, another likely false break-up rumor started by second-tier gossip rag. Today’s Mad Libs style celebrity loneliness news is thanks to the magazine preferred by monocled gents of the highest regiment, Life & Style, which reports that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are no longer an item. Says one highly-suspect “pal”, “They’ve tried taking breaks before, so this time she went one step further — and ended it!” Funny how this “pal” sounds “exactly” like every other fake “news source” in tabloid “history!” says one insider.

Strangely enough, we would be willing to believe that these two have broken up (prove us wrong L&S), but just when you start to believe the hype, the tabs go one step too far. In this case, that Jennifer Aniston actually has her sights set on Matthew McConaughey. Another “friend” rats her out: “Jen has a mad crush on Matthew.” Hold on — let’s forget about Janiston’s love life for a second — girl, it sounds like you need better friends. “Mad crush”? Whose Myspace blog did they steal that from? Mine? Oh, right. Text me!

Read the entire Press Release after the jump.

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Disney’s Most Bizarre Promotion Ever

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mermaid.jpgI know that Disney’s two-disc special edition of the 1989 film The Little Mermaid is coming out on DVD Tuesday (don’t ask me why I know this, I just do), but I think the folks at Disney may be taking this viral marketing campaign a little too far.

Milagros, whose name means “miracles” in Spanish, was born with a rare congenital defect known as sirenomelia, or “mermaid syndrome,” which left her legs connected from the heels to her groin. But just over two weeks after an operation to separate her legs she took her first unaided steps across the room.

Some people may say that this story showing up on Drudge Report today is nothing but a coincidence. But come on people, this is Disney. If they have to pay a woman to give birth to a mermaid baby only to have its legs separated a week before the release of a 2-disc special edition DVD, dammit, they’re going to do it.

ICYMI: The Epic Tale of Gwammi Mufasta

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gwammi2.JPGWe must admit, we’re pretty impressed with the hooligans over at CollegeHumor, who somehow managed to stay sober long enough to create this hilarious little short film about the tragic nature of global human communication in the Internet age. Anyone who’s ever been skeptical about e-mails from African attorneys in search of someone willing to accept millions of dollars should really watch this.