While You Were Not Seeing the Russell Crowe Movie…

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  • Victoria Beckham hasn’t drunk water in years because she “hates the taste.” Though we know the real reason is because water causes dozens of little Posh Spice’s to spring out of her back. One more thing to cross of our “Victoria Beckham Might Be a Gremlin” checklist. Like she eats after midnight… please.
  • The real Andy Griffith sues a man who changed his name to Andy Griffith in order to be elected mayor. Funny that no one seems to be paying attention to the town child molestor, Opie.
  • Jude Law is single! Jude Law is single! Oh God, we really wish this would’ve happened before he morphed into a creepy old bald guy.
  • Mick Jagger‘s father passed away at 93 years old this weekend. We hope people are “getting off of his cloud” so that he can rest in peace in heaven.
  • Tobey Maguire‘s girlfriend, daughter of Universal Studios head Ron Meyer, gave birth to a little girl on Thursday, officially making the tyke the richest little bastard in America. Congrats Spidey!

Best of the BWE: K-Fed Ex-ed, Nickname Emerges

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To find out what else happened this week, turn into Best Week Ever tonight @11 and all weekend long!

ICYMI: Borat On Martha Stewart On Leno

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borat thumbs up.jpgWe almost did it. We almost made it the entire day without posting about Borat (besides a little mention in the While You Were’s). Almost.

Borat was on Leno last night and, as expected, he was absolutely hilarious. Not so much during his own interview– at this point we’ve pretty much heard it all before– but when Martha Stewart came out for hers. Even if you’re sick of Borat you have to watch this. Watching an uncomfortable Jay Leno try to keep up with this comic genius is too funny for words. And when Jay awkwardly asks Martha if she’s ever had 2 men at the same time? Niiiice. Click below to watch (in two parts).
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UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: Moulin Booo-gue

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What’d you miss while you were working today? Well, for starters, you missed the only ten men on the planet who know the words to “Lady Marmalade” rocking out on The Megan Mullally Show. You heard me: rocking out.

Man, those guys sure were happy, weren’t they? Happy. That’s the only way to describe them. Happy as hell.

The Most Annoying Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Contestant Ever

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MILLIONAIRE1.JPGHere’s recipe for great television: Have a cognitive neuroscientist take advantage of the policy on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire:

Since the producers allow contestants unlimited time to work out answers (as long as they’re not just stalling), I knew that I could employ the most basic of priming tactics: talking about the question, posing scenarios, throwing out wild speculations, even just babbling — trying to cajole my prefrontal neurons onto any cue that could trigger the buried neocortical circuits holding the key to the answer.

Well la-dee-da, Mr. Scientist Man! Judging from his game-playing tactics, he’ll either end up a millionaire, or snag a coveted panelist seat on The View. Read his engaging account of his Millionaire experience here to find out how much he walked away with. For the dumbest Millionaire contestant of all time, click here. For our favorite Millionaire finish of all time, click here. And for the best Millionaire parody, click here.

AD WIZARDS: “The Worst Use of Coldplay Ever”

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That’s exactly what our own panelist Paul Scheer had to say about this commercial for a Star Wars movie marathon on Cinemax, and that kind of accurate statement is exactly why Paul is on TV and you are not. This hamfisted crap has George Lucas written all over it.

ICYMI: Johnny Cash Channels Access Hollywood

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The following plays like a celebrity video yearbook from the “Old West.” It’s the new music video for the Johnny Cash song “God’s Gonna Cut You Down,” featuring Chris Martin, Sheryl Crow, Johnny Depp, Owen Wilson, Chris Rock and Kate Moss’ ass. There really doesn’t seem to be a point to this video, other than celebrities trying to look/be cool. Which is reason enough for us. But would Johnny approve?

LISTEN UP: Whoo! Alright — Yeah, Uh-Huh!

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  • Fluxblog has a new track from The Rapture called “Whoo! Alright – Yeah, Uh-Huh!”, which we actually thought was the name of the hottest new indie band to come out of CMJ.
  • In case you “missed the boat” on the first one, more live versions of the new Modest Mouse tracks are trickling out over at Heartache With Hard Work.
  • Thanks to INDIEBLOGHEAVEN, I learned that Britt Daniel from Spoon recorded a track with Bright Eyes, and I learned that I liked it.
  • There’s a new track from indie rock supergroup Swan Lake up over at indie rock superblog Aquarium Drunkard.
  • I like things that sound old-timey, like Quaker Oats and the Archie Bronson Outfit, whose phonographic recordings are available for your amusement over at Heart on a Stick.