Do not adjust your monitors: This photo of Nicole Richie is literally actual-sized. I know it’s old news to rehash about how skinny Nicole Richie is, coke-addled, walking dead, etc etc. But honestly, I see pictures like this and I think: How could her friends and family not hotfoot this girl to a hospital bed? You could basically tie a helium balloon to her back and push her in the direction of a clinic.
What’s MORE infuriating is that they actually make clothes that fit this skinny bitch! It’s like these designers were inspired by all the haute couture in Schindler’s List or something. OK, we swear, last weight-related post of the day. (Our shoelaces are crossed, p.s.)
1. If there is one thing that can thwart terrorism and heal the wounds it has already inflicted, it’s Will Ferrell running around in his underwear, screaming maniacally – $23 million
2. In a world constantly facing the threat of terror and violence, we really need more of these movies about troubled teens forming unlikely romances with wealthy peers through the power of dancing. Nobody puts Bin Laden in the corner…except Step Up! – $21 million
3. After their 9/11-exploitation action movie failed to open to the blockbuster numbers they were hoping for, studio bosses are starting to reconsider their plan to open a “hijacked plane suicide mission” simulation ride next summer at Disneyland. Guess Oliver Stone should have listened when producers told him that Captain Jack Sparrow would make an excellent terrorist villain – $19 million
4. CGI animation, talking animals, celebrity voices – you either love this crap or you don’t. Jihad! – $10.1 million
5. Only things scarier than Al Qaeda are low-budget remakes of Japanese horror movies that feature lots of shots of creepy-looking kids standing in bizarrely-lit hallways – $8.5 million
If there is one camera angle that is universally unflattering, it’s the telescopic lens in the vagines angle. It’s the angle that catches every physical imperfection, every chin, every fold, and it is one to be avoided. Then again, when you’re a famous pop star — Jessica Simpson no less — the angle shouldn’t really matter. You’re not supposed to be eating food anyway, so anywhere the lensman goes should be flattering, right?
Well, ladies, rejoice this morning: Jessica Simpson has a FUPA. Or, as some of our classier readers prefer to refer to it, a Gunt. These pictures from last week didn’t convince us that Jessica drowned her post-divorce sorrows in any actual caloric intake… but this highwaited, belted shorts situation she’s wearing does nothing to support her anorexic cause. We’re secretly hoping she gets huge.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, August 13th! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Simple Life, The Girls Next Door, and Big Brother!
Here is what we learned this week, kids:
Have a good weekend, all!
We thought our take on the Mac vs. PC Ads was funny, but these parody videos are getting out of control! However, this one puts a pretty hilarious spin on the whole cool/uncool techie thing, using a frumpy girl and hot chick to illustrate why Nintendo’s Wii game system is far superior to the new Playstation 3! Why didn’t we think of that?
I don’t know why I love this video so much, but I just do. Hear what this group of random celebs (James Blunt, Pete Doherty, Madonna, Bono & Michael Moore?) has to say about not being able to attend the Pop Video Awards in London. Oh those cheeky Brits!
On this week’s edition of the iPod shuffle, we have music blogger Rachel Hurley, the proprietor of Scenestars. As always, we had her shuffle her iPod and give us the first five resulting songs so that we may judge her. So let’s just see what these super-cool music bloggers are listening to these days (something tells me it’s all going to be Arctic Monkeys and Arcade Fire). Be sure to do your own shuffle and leave your results in the comments!
1) “Speak To Me”, Jamie Randolph
2) “Stop”, Harlan T. Bobo
3) “Regime”, Snowglobe
4) “The Blower’s Daughter”, Damien Rice
5) “La Cienga Just Smiled”, Ryan Adams
Why am I not surprised that I’ve never even heard of half of these songs?