(Rick Santorum’s son, via Wonkette)
What better way to tell America how you feel than to pull the old “pushing up your glasses while simultaneously giving America the middle finger” trick during your father’s televised concession speech? Look’s like the schoolyard is gonna be a lot tougher when Daddy’s not a Senator anymore, eh?
Sorry. We’re still getting over having to explain to our mother the other definition of Santorum. Google the guy’s name alone, and you’ll know what we mean. (Shudder.)
The name of the show is Best Week Ever… however when your wife leaves you, your debut album sells only 6,000 copies and there’s such little interest in one of your concerts that the venue is literally giving tickets away… yeah. Um. Hmm. Not sure what to say. Hey! Look at this cool logo! At least one good thing came out of all this! Cheer up K-Fed, it can only get better!
After last week’s amazing LOST, and considering that tonight’s will be last episode for the three miserable months between now and February 7th (way to ruin the Holidays, guys), we can’t tell you how freakin’ stoked we are for tonight’s hour of frustrating-but-amazing goodness. Last week the Losties dropped some pretty big bombs on us, not the least of which was the chilling message found in Juleit’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues” cue-card homage. We’ve looked at the cards over and again, and made a few even more shocking discoveries!
Ayayay! So much pain in Hollywood these days! It is no secret that I’ve always had a mini-fetish for animals in casts. A tiny animal, small cast, sad face… what’s not to love? Which is why we a-literally died when we saw Nicole Richie hoisting her pet cat in all his broken-pawed glory. The cat survived an incredible 10-story suicide attempt last week, and is now back to the lizard-like embrace of its owner. We feel bad for the feline, but being Nicole Richie’s cat ain’t such a bad gig: The two can share jeans, spoon on cold nights, and split a single serving of Tender Vittles for breaky, lunch and dindin. Pop Quiz — can you tell the difference between Nicole’s arm and her cat’s paw? If you know anything about eating disorders, you know the fur isn’t an immediate giveaway.
We wish her cat a speedy recovery, and offer up one tip: Next time, aim the barrel of the gun towards the brain. It almost never fails. (Photos via X17 Online.)
This is way more entertaining than it should be. YesButNoButYes has a list of 10 videos showcasing what celebrities do what they’re drunk. You’ve seen most of them before: Affleck groping, Ashlee ordering, Kiefer tackling, Britney marrying, etc. They never get old.
Link via Gorillamask
***WE BREAK FROM BRITNEY COVERAGE FOR THIS RELATIVELY UNIMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT***
As the left-leaning people of this country are experiencing a collective orgasm over last night’s election results, and Donald Rumsfeld’s subsequent announcement that he will be resigning from his position of Secretary of
Defense Destruction of Civilization As We Know It, we’d like to send some well-deserved proppers to our friends over at the CC Insider Blog for scooping the entire news media and breaking the big bye-bye-Rumsfeld story last night when Matt Drudge was still crying himself to sleep on his huuuuge pillow. Icing on the delicious cake of democracy.
***WE NOW RETURN TO OUR PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED FED-EX PROGRAMMING***
Proving once and for all that PC’s have a better shelf life than Mac’s, Apple has ditched Justin “I’m a Mac” Long in a new series of ads.
A rep for Long told Radar that the reason Justin won’t be reprising his role as Mr. Mac is because “Justin’s a movie star, not a commercial guy.” She’s right. Though if he keeps making movies like these, “commercial guy” is going to sound really good in a couple of years.
No word yet as to who will be taking on the role as the new Mac guy. We recommend Nick Kroll, naturally.
Today Gawker posted a photograph of a woman who has clearly earned the title of “Anderson Cooper’s #1 Fan.” It reminded us of our favorite celebrity tattoo: the Adam Duritz Back-Tat. With all the bad celebrity ink out there, it’s clear that somebody has to start documenting it. That’s why we present to you The Adam Duritz Back-Tat Hall Of Fame. Do you have a picture of a celeb permanently sketched into your body? Send it to us today! You’ll be in good company; here’s the inaugural HOF class (click to enlarge):
Weird Al Tat via Type Brighter
Maddox Jolie Tat via CityRag
Send your nominees to firstname.lastname@example.org
As we scramble to make sense of the divorce bombshell the Spederlines dropped on us yesterday, and with shocking developments still breaking, here’s what we’ve been able to ascertain about the sequence of events thus far:
- Britney mysteriously appears on Letterman for another one of her random PR stunts, faking us out by seemingly heralding her return to hotness, though in light of latter events, it would actually appear as if she was very publicly clearing her throat to get our attention so that she might set into motion “Operation Fed-Ex”.
- Out of nowhere, while we’re all looking the other way at Election Day coverage, TMZ quietly posts an exclusive report that Britney has filed for divorce. Our minds are blown and our worlds are rocked like Pearl Harbor and the JFK Assassination happening simultaneously.
- Ten minutes later, we’re looking at the actual divorce filing papers, along with a genuine copy of their prenuptual agreement. We have no idea how we’ve obtained these documents so quickly, we no longer care about the United States electoral process, and it is starting to dawn on us that maybe this is all playing out like a carefully designed plan, the type concocted by, say, a high-powered entertainment attorney.
- Fifteen minutes later, Us Weekly is running a surprisingly detailed account of the personal events leading up to the destruction of this most sacred of marriages. We’re now, perhaps naively belated, totally positive that this stuff isn’t all happening by coincidence.
- Coincidentally, we stumble across more evidence of Kevin Federline’s unbearable awfulness. While it is in no way related to the situation at hand, we post it anyway.
- We imagine that K-Fed was “chillin” (probably in a wife-beater, and probably high) yesterday when he heard the news that Britney was closing the mine-shaft from which he’s been digging his gold. Kevin immediately puts down his morning bowl of Olde English and Frosted Flakes, and leaps into action by retreiving a Cubic Zirconia-encrusted suitcase and depressing the red Doomsday Button that triggers his long-planned – and recently legalized – Fail-Safe scenario.
- This morning, footage of what appears to be either Britney Spears (or her evil – and awesome – twin sister) giving an enthusiastic BJ appears on the Internets (NSFW, obvs) with frighteningly coincidental timing.
If this were the pop culture equivalent of 9/11, think of BWE.tv as CNN. We’re indefinitely going to be “All Britney, All the Time”.