Sure it’s Shark Week, but who cares? It also happens to be The Summer of The Hoff so there’s no way you should miss America’s Got Talent tonight. According to The Hoff’s blog, he’s amazed by how many of the acts have improved throughout the duration of the show. And if THE HOFF is amazed, you know that some amazing s**t is going down.
Also on tonight, another installment of Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes and an all new episode of So You Think You Can Dance? So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
To many people, Jon Stewart is a lot of things: Brilliant, Hilarious, Adorable, Causer of All Wars. (See this clip for further proof.) But to a small group of New Yorkers, Jon Stewart is the ultimate thing: God. The Idol Chatter blog spotted a group of enthusiasts sporting long white robes and signs informing us heathens that “Jon Stewart Is God.” The zealots (who call themselves the “Jonsons”) are backed up by a water-tight argument: Jon Stewart “is not a man because no man can be consistently that funny. He is not an animal because he is way too articulate. He is not a plant because… well… he moves too fast.”
We sincerely hope that these people are not joking — the more we think about this religion, the more we begin to believe. And look at their conviction! They even rounded up a sub-par college a capella group (aren’t they all?) to record the soon-to-be hit song, with the surprisingly titled “Jon Stewart is God.” T minus 3 hours til “WWJSD?” shirts hit the market — and no, these do not count.
Check out this picture of Tom Hanks and Ron Howard taking in a baseball game recently. Believe it or not, there is a third leg to this power-celebrity tri-pod. Who do you think it is? Who’s most likely to be hanging out with these brahs? We’ll have the answer up tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder if The Hoff is holding a team of LSD-fueled film students prisoner is his Fortress of Hoffitude, forcing them to constantly produce bizarre video segments he then uses as part of his evil plot to take over the entire Internet and claim it in the holy name of Hoff. His latest Quicktime hallucination comes in the form of a commercial spot for some company called Pipex that claims to be an Internet service provider, but in all likeliehood is just another Hoff-controlled part of his masterplan to completely blow our minds.
In celebration of BWE’s 100th episode, all week long we’re counting down our Top 5 favorite celebrities that we love to talk about. We started the week with #5 Paris Hilton before working our way up to #4 TomKat. Today, we give you 100 seconds of #3; Everybody’s favorite FireCrotch, Lindsay Lohan.
Don’t forget to check out our 100th episode this Friday night at 11.
OMGGG! The Pussycat Dolls are hiring a new member! Aieee!!! And the best part? The hiring process isn’t going to be behind closed doors, but aired on the hot new network The CW as part of a new reality series (wait for it) The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. So if your Dad is always telling you you’ve got the rack to make it big, or your friends can’t get enough of your slow-motion writhing, or if you can’t read or write, or if your boss is constantly congratulating you about how good you are at oral, or if you have the ability to write songs that have no melodic quality whatsoever but are as catchy as mouth herpes, or if you can’t sing, or if you just bought some dental floss but haven’t had the occassion to wear it, then this is definitely the job for you! Good Fu– Luck! Good Luck!!
(This post brought to you by a jealous bad dancer who was paid $.25 by her childhood bully to dance the Roger Rabbit at the bus stop, purely for comedic effect.)
Having picked the gossip bone clean, the media’s first feeding frenzy of Mel Mania is finally over, meaning we can now enjoy the more introspective second course of coverage in which we turn our attention from the three ring circus of the scandal itself to the comical sideshow players surrounding it (or in this case, reporting on it). Nobody is more amused by this smorgasbord of sensationalism than Jon Stewart and The Daily Show, who take this hilarious look at what happens when news programs have a very big story, but very little video footage to support it.
The folks over at Defamer discovered the MySpace page for the upcoming Oliver Stone move World Trade Center. Sure, some might consider this to be in poor taste, but honestly with all those horrible emo bands out there this isn’t even the most offensive thing I’ve seen on MySpace today.
Currently the WTC only has 133 friends, which is kind of shocking; I could’ve sworn that 9/11 was more popular than that. Right now the best comment on the page is courtesy of a lovely young woman named mmmBUTTER, who states “thys movie l0oks pimp. ima definitely see it!!” Expect to see that quote in Variety real soon.
So add WTC today! I always knew there was some sort of connection between Tom and September 11th.
Message to Jews: Buckle up for the best Yom Kippur ever. Never will the taste of your own dry saliva seem sweeter than when Mel Gibson is delivering the keynote address at your temple. Los Angeles Rabbi David Baron had the foreskin to invite Gibson to speak at his synagogue on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The L.A. Temple of the Arts boasts the largest number of Yids in the entertainment industry (making it also the headquarters for at least half-a-million conspiracy theories), and would be the ideal Semitic Debutante’s Ball for Gibson to “come out” at. What makes the invitation so appealing are the possibilities… Gibson, tanked on Manischevitz and gefilte fish, cracking his awkward opening joke — “Boy, is it just me, or is it an oven in here?” — following that up with some delightful Lethal Weapon-esque stigmata comparison, and capping it off with a heartfelt apology, given while running his hands over the head of the Rabbi’s wife checking for… lice. He’s like your crazy, racist, Malibu-owning Uncle you love to hate. I’ve already cleaned my fridge and reserved my ticket in anticipation. (Image courtesy of the Mel Gibstein t-shirt.)
Take a look at today’s round of “Celebrity Math.” It’s A Beautiful Mind-style doozy.