While You Were Suing YouTube

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  • Nicole Richie reportedly fainted during a shopping trip last week. It’s unclear what made her faint; a lack of food, or the store’s shocking! low low prices.
  • Kelsey Grammer won another Emmy on Wednesday, upping his impressive Emmy vs. Fans total to 5-1.
  • A woman accused of stalking John Cusack for 18 months denies the claim. By following him around and standing outside his window uninvited, she was merely doing her best impression of the actor, not stalking him.
  • Matthew McConaughey’s car is up for auction on eBay. Marijuana in glove compartment sold separately.
  • Haley Joel Osment was hospitalized after crashing his 1995 Saturn into a brick wall at 1 a.m. today. Bloggers urged to forego making “I see dead people” jokes and instead focus on the fact the Oscar nominee drives an 11-year-old Saturn.
  • Maddox Jolie-Pitt has been voted the cutest celebrity child. Man, this is not Haley Joel’s day, is it?

…Of The Day

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  • 100% NOT GAY: Oprah & Gayle. Don’t believe them? Then just watch this clip of Gayle on The View. (ifilm)
  • EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT: The Paris Hilton sex doll. I thought this came out already… it’s called Paris Hilton. (Popbytes)
  • WORSE IDEA THAN ROCKY 6: HIV Positive boxer Tommy “Gun” Morrison from Rocky V wants to fight “Iron” Mike Tyson from Mike Tyson’s Punchout. There will be no winners. (Deadspin)
  • MANNY: Britney’s got a new one. The woman goes through Mannys like cans of Red Bull. (Blog NYC)
  • SUMMER SHOW: If you’re in NY, check out the UCB’s Theatre In The Park tonight, starring Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel and a whole slew of others. Wackiness will most certainly ensue. (Paul Scheer)

Drugs Are Bad, Mmmkay

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What you’re seeing on the left is a picture of Clerks star Jason Mewes from back in 2003 before going to rehab for heroin abuse. What you’re seeing on the right is a picture of the same man, now clean, at the recent premiere for Clerks II. Who needs frying eggs and stupid slogans when you have THAT sh*t?

(screencap via iFilm)

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Stereogum has the dirt on the first track from new album from The Roots, and even tells us where to get a second.
  • Our boy the Brooklyn Vegan gives us the heads up on some gnice gnew mashups featuring the Gnotorious Biggie Smalls and everyone’s favorites, Gnarles Barkley.
  • The Rocking Refuses to Stop wants to take a big deep breath of Golden Smog, and alt-country supergroup featuring members of Wilco, The Jayhawks and Soul Asylum.
  • MOKB reminds us that awesome things come in many Shapes & Sizes.
  • Gorilla vs Bear gets their paws on what might be the hippest mash-up in history: a track blending obscure indie rockers Ghostland Observatory with street-cred goldmine Ghostface Killah. The results are frighteningly cool.

SIZZLER: Hollywood’s Beard-Coast/Stache-Coast Rivalry

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If you’ve ever wondered how freaky Joel Siegel and his porn-stache get, the answer is finally here: Not… really… that freaky at all. As reported in today’s Page Six, movie critic Joel Siegel stormed out of a screening of Kevin Smith‘s highbrow comedy Clerk’s II, screaming while scrambling for the aisle “Time to go! First movie I’ve walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!” (Although, I distinctly remember seeing him flee the theater in the middle of Splash, Too.) The tasteless scene that caused the walkout? Two characters debating whether or not to hire a woman to perform sexual favors on a donkey. Siegel, a famous ass lover and punster, would never tolerate such baseless humor.

Smith retaliates with a long-winded anti-Siegel diatribe on his personal blog (I didn’t get to finish, as I stood up halfway through reading it, announced “I’m leaving”, and stormed out of my office for the first time in 3 minutes.) Then, this morning on the Opie and Anthony Show, Joel Siegal gets the Punk’d-style treatment, when Kevin Smith, on the line anonymously, chides the critic for his unprofessional actions. (You can hear the mp3 here.)

If you want our opinion, Smith should be combing every stache-hair on Joel’s face as thanks for this free publicity. The highlight of the affair will be what headline Siegel ends up pundering. In case he’s a little low on ideas, here’s a few to inspire him:

These “Clerks” Aren’t Worth Checking Out

“Clerks” Are Jerks With None Of The Perks

Silent Bob Should Keep [Bleeping] Mouth Shut

Clerks II — More Like Clerks Doo Doo

All Jokes Aside, I Want To Die

Irrelevant Celebrities Getting Married: So Hot Right Now

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pam anderson.jpgBritney and Kevin are renewing their vows. Paris Hilton swore off sex for a year. Lindsay Lohan has already hooked up with everybody in Hollywood so nothing surprises us anymore. And Nick & Jessica’s post-marital affairs would be a lot more exciting if they didn’t involve That Girl From TRL and That Comedian Everybody Liked Until They Saw Tourgasm. Things are looking bleak for our A-team… which is why the B-team is stepping up.

Yesterday Pamela Anderson stepped up and announced that she was marrying Kid Rock, presumably because Tommy Lee was busy with Supernova and said “pass.” At the same time, somewhere else on this world wide web, Fred Durst– remember him?– announced he was getting married too. Yeah. Sorry ladies. Now, to top that, the news got out today that Eddie Murphy is all set to marry “Scary” Spice Girl Mel B. They say it’s what they want, what they really, really want.

We should enjoy the time we have with these replacement players because you never know what’s going to happen. Paris and Nick could start dating tomorrow and cause a huge media frenzy, leaving Pam, Fred, Eddie and Scary in the dust. So let’s let the B-team relish their time in the sun. They kind of deserve it. Kind of.

Reality Bites: Four Shows to Revamp the Genre

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Every now and again, while sitting through some 12-hour Real World marathon involving performing oral sex while simultaneously puking up your breakfast, memories of the solid sitcoms of yesteryear will flood our memories, the solid laughs, enjoyable storylines, fictional characters more pious and successful than ourselves. When did reality shows all start blending into one another?

So what is it going to take to revamp the world of reality programming? Here are a few ideas that would renew our passion for reality tv.
Read more…