While You Were Losing Your Liquids

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  • Paris Hilton’s kinkajou bit her on the arm this week. God knows what kind of diseases that poor animal contracted.
  • Porn star Jenna Jameson has been forced to pull out of next year’s Lingerie Bowl for safety reasons. Though experts agree that pulling out still isn’t nearly as safe as abstaining from it all together.
  • Keith Richards is using the brain damage he suffered when he fell out of a tree as an excuse to act mischevious. It gives him a break from his patented 45-year-old “heroin excuse.”
  • Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be in danger of getting evicted from the Chateau Marmont, Hollywood’s legendary party hotel. Employees are already referring to Lindsay as the biggest mess since John Belushi.
  • Actress Emmy Rossum says it’s easy to avoid the paparazzi. And the fact that you just asked yourself “Who the hell is Emily Rossum?” proves she’s right.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, August 10th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, August 10th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night tv, including the Making the Band finale, America’s Got Talent, and Wild ‘N Out!

…Of The Day

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  • SKANK YOU VERY MUCH: Jaime Pressly has unleashed her lingerie line. And her lingerie line has unleashed a whole bunch o’ boobies. (Popoholic)
  • SHOT (THROUGH THE HEART): Bon Jovi still isn’t over his ex, Diane Lane. Probably because she’s the bitch who gives love a love a bad name. (D-Listed)
  • CHALLENGE: Try not to make fun of Brooke Hogan. Seriously. Try not to. Are you trying? Don’t make fun of her. Ahh, forget it, she deserves it. (Mollygood)
  • CREEPY MASCOT: “Franken Friar”, an oversized friar who’s returned from the dead to dance at Padres games. Suddenly the Philly Phanatic seems reasonable. (Deadspin)
  • BANDWAGON: We couldn’t be the only site on the web NOT linking to the Heidi Klum Esquire photos, could we? Nope. (Hollywoodtuna)

ICYMI: Janice Dickinson’s Fall From Greatness

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Check out this clip from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency on Oxygen. First, you have the model they’re interviewing, who I’m convinced is actually one of the Pre-Cogs from Minority Report. Then, you have Janice doing her best impersonation of Alex P. Keaton in the opening of Family Ties, with the kinds of results that are always better appreciated in slow-motion.

(Link via Gawker)

Speaking of Pre-Cogs (and how often can you make that segue?), check out this list of Cinematical’s Seven Bald Chicks.

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: The Hoff’s Looking For Love

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basselhoff.JPGWow. Just wow.

We’ve already gotten so many great entries for The Hoff’s Looking For Love Photoshop Contest that we have to share a few of our favorites with you. First up, Chris Falman’s Basselhoff (left), an entry that’s so wrong… yet so right.

Click here to learn more about the contest, and click below to see a few more of our current faves. Then email your submissions to contests@bwe.tv. Our favorite Hoff-hybrid gets a prize. Thanks, and good luck!

Read more…

LISTEN UP: A Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Looking At Them wants you to visit the Audio Zoo, with animal songs by people like The Walkmen, Aimee Man and Green Jelly (you remember “Three Little Pigs”, don’t you?)
  • Today Indieblogheaven posted new music from future releases by Ben Kweller, Cursive, Pete Droge and Ratatat. Can’t wait for that BK cd.
  • Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming back for another season. A Soundtrack for Everyone is celebrating, posting a bunch of YouTube clips from the show as well as an mp3 of the theme song.
  • On the ten-year anniversary of you no longer caring, Harmony In My Ears looks back at Better Than Ezra. Seriously.
  • And finally, if BTE got you on a nostalgia kick, head on over to Work For It for a few old tracks by Jimmie’s Chicken Shack, Cowboy Mouth and Nada Surf. Do it. I won’t tell a soul.

Sean Preston: Worst Dressed Man!

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Seanpres.JPGEsquire Magazine threw caution to the wind, and voted Britney Spears and K-Fed‘s spawn Sean Preston as America’s Worst Dressed Man. Preston, who is seen around town in decidedly unfashionable onesies, “Everyone know that flaps on the ass went out like 3 years ago,” said one fashion-forward source, who chose to remain nameless. “And have you seen his VDL (Visible Diaper Line)? Not sexy at all!” Of course, Sean Preston was quick to respond: “(Silence)… (Diaper rustling)… (Gurgling)… (Slow, wet farting)… (Giggle).” We appreciate him for his class.

All winky-winky aside, there are some days where we sit here, reading certain ridiculous news tid-bits… the anger, boiling up inside, finally shooting out of our eyesockets and igniting our college diplomas ablaze. We choose not to care, mainly because at this point we’ve completely forgotten how to feel. This is one of those items.

2 Legit 2 Quit!

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hammer2.jpgOh man, I’ve been waiting SOOO long for this day. MC Hammer, the OG of awesome, is back with a hot new hit, and guess what’s it’s called? Hammertime! Thanks to the hip-hop producing genius of Scott Storch (who also gave us the gift of Paris Hilton’s debut album), the world will be rocked with beats we haven’t known since the soundtrack to The Addams Family 2. Dust off your hammerpants, check out the track, and tell us just how legit that sh*t really is!

Caption This! Nick Lachey’s Out at a Fan

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Nick Lachey flashes a smile while beating off killer vermin in NYC.

We know, we know. That was way too nice. But we’re leaving the catty captions up to you! So leave your ideas in the comments section… there are like 47 really obvious ones.

Lindsay Lohan Invests In Needles

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ll24-7401021.jpgA message from Lindsay Lohan:

“Hey everyone! I know we haven’t talked in a while… I’m wrking hrd on my new movie Georgia Rulez (I added the Z, LOLZ!!1) and busy attending charity fundraisers at night and hanging out with my Mom. But the other day I had this graet idea: Tattoos! I love tattoos! They sometimes help me remember where I was the day before. NEWAYZ, I was thinking: I have all this money, all this time, all these fans, and I’m obsessed with tats (I won’t stop til every freckle is covered, I swear, LOLZ.) Then Stavros was like “Linzer, open up your own tattoo parlor!!!” Sorry I’m just so excited, opening a business is a really adult thing to do. I mean, I’m only 20, but people seriously think I’m like 40. Anyway I was thinking that it would be like a place where young girls could get tattooed with their friends, for like birthday parties and stuff, and stay cool and keep hydrated. Smart, right?!

OK, love you all, PLEEZ come to my parlor, it’s gonna be sweet. I have two hospital visits scheduled next week, but TTYL4RLZ. xoxolilo. p.s. Thanks for asking, and yeah, motherf***er, I’m fine.”