Brian is here to bring you the absolute best of Monday night television, including How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60, a Lifetime Movie, Heroes, and Kevin Federline’s appearance on WWE RAW.
This summer when we were struggling through So You Think You Could Dance marathons and awful reality shows like The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it seemed like television was at an all time low. But then, out of nowhere, the networks got their s**t together. Suddenly, there are too many great shows on TV. How the hell did that happen? With so many must-see shows to choose from, we’d like to help. Here’s a little rundown of what’s happening on TV tonight.
- Jane Seymour guest stars on How I Met Your Mother.
- Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy– a tearjerker starring the loveable girl from Scrubs– airs on Lifetime.
- Sucre turns traitor and escapes with $5 million on Prison Break.
- Whoopi Goldberg returns to Everybody Hates Chris
- Jordan McDeer gets all boozy on Studio 60
- On Heroes we find out who was abducted: Niki or Nathan.
- CSI: Miami gets Halloween on your ass w/ a creepy cursed coffin episode.
Let us know what you’re watching by leaving Comments all night long. We don’t have the time to watch everything, so let us know what we’re missing.
- BEST 4 MINUTES YOU COULD ASK FOR: The first 4 minutes of the Borat movie have hit the web. Probably not by accident. (Filmwad)
- GOOD USE OF 911: If you see anything– from a house to a human being– smoking in Omaha, call 911. (WorldNetDaily)
- OUTTAKES: Can’t get enough of Suri Cruise? Eww. Well, here are some more photos of the
adopted Asiankid. (A Socialite’s Life)
- STRIPPED DOWN TALK SHOW: Conan O’Brien is gonna be bonier than usual on Halloween night. (Gothamist)
- ALLURING PHOTOSHOOT: Scarlett Johansson’s Allure spread has finally hit the web. Finally. (Metadish)
This Page Six story is like that plastic bag floating around in American Beauty, except it is a bag of douche, and it isn’t particularly beautiful. Basically, big-shot movie director Ed Zwick, along with his crack team of douchebag Hollywood “producer”-types, waltzed into an impoverished third-world country, told some underpaid PA’s to round up a bunch of the village’s teenage amputee oppression-victims to essentially play themselves as extras (CGI-ing off limbs ain’t cheap, guys!), then promised to buy said children prosthetic limbs in addition to the standard “background” day rate (probably some sunflower seeds), all in a showy stunt to scare up some good press for this Leo DiCaprio vanity picture that they’re maybe worried might be a little too “Human Rightsy” to fill theater seats. By Hollywood standards, even this absurd level of exploitation wouldn’t be particularly surprising, but things just get audaciously douchebaggy in the part where they DON’T EVEN GIVE THE POOR KIDS THE LIMBS THEY WERE PROMISED. Excerpt from the so-f’d-up it’s-almost-funny story:
Young Nkululo Mnisi – whose arms and legs were cut off by machete-wielding rebels – used to be taunted by cruel classmates as “baboon” because of the way he ran on his stumps and crutches. Mnisi told a South African newspaper that the dream that kept him going was the promise of getting artificial limbs so he’d be able to play soccer like a normal child.
But months after filming ended, Mnisi and his fellow amputees were still waiting. [...]
A rep for Warner Bros. told Page Six, “We’re working on it.”
“Sometimes…there’s so much douchery in the world…that your head feels like it’s going to explode.” Way to go, Team Zwick – you guys are today’s Daily Douchesquad!
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s a 9000-word-long way of saying, “Ugh”. Click the orange “left and right” arrows to flip through them all.
Check out this recent photo of Jude Law. Something about his face/hair looks way different to us. Kind of creeptown, and borderline Cillian Murphy… who has always reminded us of a certain Disney character. We guess we’ll just have to wait for a puppet-ernity test. The mother? Now that should be obvious.
Look what happens when Pete Doherty is able to keep his ass out of rehab & prison for a couple of months. According to Rolling Stone’s Rock & Roll Daily countdown clock, the man’s gone a full 73 days without getting his mugshot taken, and well… it looks like he’s used this time wisely. The Daily Mail reports that Pete and GF Kate Moss are engaged and expecting. Engaged to each other (not in illegal activities) and expecting a baby (not a drug bust.) It’s a proud, incredibly terrifying day for us all.
(Oh, and by the way; the title of this post is a play on a Babyshambles song by the same name. But you knew that already.)
We don’t know how old this DC-area commercial is, and we don’t wanna know how many men Jhoon Rhee had to kill before opening up his own Taekwondo studio. Here’s what we DO know: You will be singing this “Nobody Bothers Me” jingle for the rest of the afternoon, until someone plainly kicks your ass.
You may also enjoy: Jhoon Rhee’s Official Website.
It’s pretty much universally accepted that the best part of Project Runway remains to be Tim Gunn, the stern yet kind taskmaster who, we assume, would be fantastic to spoon with. One would then imagine that the real breakout star of the show would be nicely compensated for his hard work. But, in a quote given to New York Magazine, looks like Mssr. Gunn won’t be leaving his current job anytime soon:
People keep asking me when Iâ€™m going to leave Parsons, but what Bravo pays me could fit in a small piggy bank! Parsons pays the bills.
A small piggy bank? What does that hold… like 11 loads of laundry? We wonder how it compares with Heidi’s take. Which leads us to question if this has anything to do with NBC’s massive budget cuts. Last week, we learned that they pay their models in carbs, and now Tim Gunn is getting the non-sexual end of the shaft. Considering the finale earned Bravo’s best numbers ever, it would be a shame if the network were stiffing its best talent. Then again, we would hope that the most charming man on TV is beating development deals off with a ruby-encrusted stick.
- I’m buying the new My Chemical Romance album tomorrow and nobody can stop me. Not Modern Music, who posted the new single, not Alex who made fun of me when I declared that out loud, not anybody. So there.
- The Music Slut is preparing for the inevitable Courtney Love autobiography by posting the ancient track “Uncrushworthy”.
- Glorious Noise has another track off the new Harry Nilsson/John Lennon cover album by The Walkmen. They don’t disappoint.
- Culture Bully remembers two bands that are no more: Blind Melon & The Darkness. R.I.P, you drug addled one-hit-wonders, you.
- Finally, I don’t plan on actually downloading the two Liz Phair tracks that Zeon’s Music Blog posted today… I just wanted to add them to this list so I could include a picture of her.