White Powder Trailer: Cocaine Cowboys


Cocaine Cowboys isn’t what you think. It isn’t a movie about Paris and Lilo on horseback. Nor does it have anything to do with Whitney Houston and the Superbowl. The movie is a documentary about Columbian drug trafficking, being billed as the “real” Scarface. The best part? While buzz on the movie is good (so good you just wanna rub the film strip along your gums), unsurprisingly many of the folks in Miami interested in seeing the movie aren’t that interested seeing it at a swanky art house. As a result, the bootleg DVD is a runaway hit at flea markets across the area. But instead of throwing a fit, the filmmakers have embraced the attention, making short films (available on Youtube) interviewing the very thieves profiting off their work. Kudos, guys, way to avoid getting your throats slashed. Check out the trailer, and make sure to blow your nose before your boss comes back.

Seinfeld’s Bee Movie Releases Live Action Trailer


BEEMOVIE.JPGIt’s no secret that we’re still suffering from Seinfeld withdrawal. The show now airs 4 times daily here in New York, and it’s barely enough to keep our kvetching urges at bay. When Jerry Seinfeld made an appearance at Comedy Central’s Night of Too Many Stars benefit, we nearly lept to sweet death from our mezzanine seats out of pure happiness. So you can understand our enthusiasm regarding this live action preview for the upcoming animated jaunt Bee Movie. Seinfeld + Bee Costume + Chris Rock = Excellent Friday afternoon trailer. (via Cinematical)

Finding Positives In The Negatives: Borat


borat.jpgBelieve it or not, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is currently the highest rated movie over at Rottentomatoes.com. It sports a 95% “fresh” rating, edging out Scorcese’s The Departed and, yes, even Saw III. However, rather than read the 80 positive reviews, we decided to focus solely on the 4 negatives. Here’s what they have to say:

“Their humor is mean, not funny. Cohen spends the movie gladly accepting the kindness of strangers who accept him, despite his outlandish appearance and demeanor, then he takes advantage of their good graces by turning them into laughing stocks for his audience.”
-Edward Douglas, comingsoon.net

“It also should be noted that “Borat” is extremely scatological and raises the bar once again on what a mainstream studio comedy thinks it can get away with in terms of nude and crude sex humor.”
-William Arnold, Seattlepi.com

“He says much to offend the people with whom he comes into contact, particularly people who have been for centuries the butt of cruelty now here, now there, now in this century, now in that.”
-Harvey S. Karten, ShowBiz Forum

Unfortunately, oneguysopinion’s site wasn’t working so we were unable to get a quote from him, but we imagine it’d go something like this: “Wahh, Borat was mean to people, wahh.”

Well, judging solely on the quotes from the “negative” reviews, now I REALLY can’t wait to see this movie tonight. Thanks guys! You sold me. How about you– are you going to see Borat tonight? Harvey S. Karten needs to know.

ICYMI: A Man Pretending To Be A Man Pretending To Be A Reporter From Kazakhstan


You might not have heard, but there’s this little movie called Borat opening today. We still can’t decide whether or not we’re going to see it. But now that people are incapable of recognizing the difference between the Kazakhstani reporter and some dude in LA with too much free time and not much creativity, we’re gonna go ahead say Borat’s prostitute-pulled wagon is curring sailing its way over the proverbial shark. (via Defamer)

PROPPED: Scatologists Heart Christian Bale



Ebay has always been a treasure trove of brilliance, but the following listing may take the mud chocolate cake. One crafty seller is hand-sculpting a figurine called The Bathroom Man, featuring a small porcelain man on a small porcelain toilet taking, one would assume, a large hearty dump. The buying incentive — as though there wasn’t one already — is that you send in your picture and he sculpts YOU sitting on the toilet! (Can you say perfect Bridesmaid’s Gift?) In order to prove his sculpting skillz, the seller chose to model a Bathroom Man example after (who else?) Christian Bale. And frankly, we don’t know why, but this makes perfect sense to us. In fact, we’d rather buy Christian Bale on the toilet than ourselves! (Though Ralph Fiennes pinching a loaf would also rank highly.) And for only $139.99, what’s not to love??

Thanks to reader BlackSwan for dropping this nugget of hilarity. Got something you want to share? Drop it now!

Even Hundred-Thousandaires Get Bed Bugs!


MAYARUD.JPGIt is a scourge that plagues various neighborhoods in New York City: Bedbugs. Little, nearly invisible bugs that infest everything in one’s home, from beds, to furniture, to clothes. It has had us paranoid for a couple of years, to the point that when some plebe brushes against us on the subway, we click our tongues, let out an “uch”, and then slime ourselves with 625 oz. of Purell (we can’t wait until that pre-natal look is in fashion). Then you can imagine our disgust this morning upon learning that SNL alum Maya Rudolph and director hubby P.T. Anderson are suing their landlords for bedbugs in their loft. And the even worse part: It’s in the news! The couple was required to flee their apartment with their year-old baby and leave everything behind, as the elevator was broken. Now, they’re seeking for nearly half a million dollars in damages and for loss of all contact with friends and family. (We’re assuming.) (Pause for furious paranoidal scratching.)

Not listed as a possible bedbug-planting suspect, but obviously guilty: Donatella Versace.

MTV Europe Doesn’t Care About Black People


kanyew.jpgKanye West went from gold digging to stage crashing at the MTV Europe Awards. Kanye was upset that he was… um… upset by Justice and Simian in the “Best Video” category (ed. note: wouldn’t you be a bit disturbed if you lost to somebody named Justice and Simian too? Ew.) Kanye handled the loss with the grace and dignity we’ve come to expect from him.

“F*ck dis! (My video) cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it, I was jumping across canyons and sh*t! If I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility. Nothing against you (J&S), but hell man.”

We happen to completely agree with Mr. West. How could something with Pamela Anderson in it NOT win something? There’s a reason Baywatch won all those Emmys in the 90’s. There’s a reason Barb Wire took home an Oscar AND a Golden Globe Award in 1996. And there’s a reason the Pam & Tommy sex tape won the hearts of millions of boys and girls across the globe. The woman is a proven winner.

And don’t even get me started on the canyons and sh*t.

While You Were Working For the Weekend



  • For this installment of Horrifying Anna Nicole Smith News of the Day, we confirm that Mommy Dearest was taking drugs while pregnant, that Larry Birkhead is the real father, and that her dearly departed son Daniel was on more drugs than we originally thought. Tune in tomorrw when we reveal the recipe Anna is planning to use to eat her newborn baby.
  • Wesley Snipes has reportedly reached a settlement with the IRS and is expected to return stateside soon. So if you’re keeping score, you should always bet on black AND a movie star’s inability to exist outside of American luxury for any more than a week or so.
  • Is Brangelina pregnant again? And if so, can Africa withstand another onslaught of celebrity so soon after Madonna’s raping and pillaging of its children?
  • If you’re looking for a way to kill your boner on Monday around 4pm, Kirstie Alley will be on Oprah wearing a bikini.
  • When Bo Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard starts getting shot at, for no reason, in Alabama, I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that this country could use stricter gun control laws.