If you want to kill massive amounts of brain cells and don’t have any paint thinner or airplane glue handy for huffing, a nifty trick is tuning in to The Real World on MTV. The ‘Key West’ incarnation of TV’s original “reality show” produces the same brain-numbing effect without the unpleasant odor of chemical substances – I know from experience. In the two episodes I was required to watch this season, the only thing that made be feel anything other than outright loathing for the incomprehensible stupidity of everyone involved was the soul-crushing human tragedy known as Paula Ann Meronek. A Real World producer’s wet dream, Paula Ann brought sorority girl hotness to the house, along with both a serious eating disorder and an abusive boyfriend that she insisted “still really does love her”. Exemplified by the episode in which said boyfriend “says he’s sorry” for hitting her by sending a care package of Cristal champagne, watching her brainless brand of self destruction would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so completely depressing. Anyway, I guess the bubbly buzz has worn off because yesterday Paula was arrested and charged with assault after biting her boyfriend during another domestic dispute. Hopefully he’ll arrive at county lock-up with caviar and a bottle of Dom – otherwise, this relationship could be in “real” trouble.
To start, you have your regular reality shows. Shows like Rock Star: Supernova, Last Comic Standing, Janice Dickinson’s Modeling Agency, Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List, Big Brother 7, and The Real World. But on top of that, tonight you’re also blessed with I Love The 70′s, The World Series of Pop Culture, Dirty Jobs, and My Super Sweet 16. Fair enough. Want more? How about The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and a Primetime Special about a guy who moved to England and started a family while assuming the identity of a child who died in 1963. Oh, and if that’s not enough for you, the MLB All-Star Game airs tonight too. About the only show on that’s not real tonight is (thankfully) Rescue Me. So what are YOU watching? Vote now!
- Jackie Chan disrupted a concert in Taiwan on Monday, drunkenly jumping onstage and demanding to sing a duet with the performer. Hollywood movie bosses are already planning to turn this display into Chan’s next film, tenatively titled The Legend of Drunken Disaster.
- Some girl went a little too wild on Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, punching him in the face outside a Hollywood nightclub. You know, it’s terrible to see such bad things happen to such good people.
- Lindsay Lohan is the latest spokesperson for acne medication Proactiv. Because your skin should always be clear, even if your conscience can’t be.
- Young Hollywood stars definitely prove that, even when you’re famous, if you’ve been getting wasted for hours on end and no longer have any sense of space or time, Taco Bell tastes awesome.
- Speaking of Nachos Bell Grande, is Greek Shipping Heir Starving Nachos pulling his ship back into the port of Paris?
Say what you will about the new season of Chappelle’s Show, but this skit (and song) is pretty great.
Okay, so seriously, say what you will about the new season of Chappelle’s Show. What do you think of it so far?
I bet she has a great personality.
Sometimes it’s not easy being nice. You try. Say something nice in the Comments.
(More pictures of Eva without make-up over at TMZ)
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, July 10th! Michelle Collins is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Beach Patrol, Hell’s Kitchen, and Anderson Cooper 360 with Dave Chappelle!
- SNEAK PREVIEW: The Killers are offering a taste of their upcoming single “When You Were Young.” A 40-second taste. (MTV)
- VIDEO: Ernest & Bertram. It’s Bert & Ernie like you’ve never seen them before. (Gawker)
- OLD FRIEND: Paris Hilton’s vagina is back on the internet. It’s almost like it never left. (IDLYITW)
- ZIT: Lindsay Lohan is the new face of Proactiv Solution. Does anybody in Hollywood not have bad skin? (TMZ)
- SEXY ANIMATED KUNG-FU FIGHTING TIGERESS: Angelina Jolie, duh. Like you had any doubt. (Celebrity Terrorist)
I’m sure in the next few weeks there are going to be plenty of Zidane games with cool graphics and crazy sound effects where we’ll assume the role of the famous headbutting soccer player and battle evil forces– like, say, the Italian soccer team. Those are coming. In the meantime, there’s this game. No, it’s not that exciting (or even fun) but I’ll take it.
We here at Americans for Equal Justice feel strongly that the possibility exists that Mr. Lay, like Hitler, Elvis, and Tupac before him, has faked his own death in order to avoid any more unwanted public scrutiny. If this is true, then it is our responsibility as good Americans to bring this criminal to justice by reporting his whereabouts to the proper authorities.
The people over at Ken Lay is Alive and Well don’t believe for a second that the former Enron CEO “died” from a “heart attack” “last week.” Nope, not for a second. That’s why everybody has to head over to their site and study up on what Ken may look like now with a new hairstyle or what he might look like after undergoing some serious plastic surgery. It’s not pretty, but dammit, it’s necessary.
- Funtime OK has a couple of tracks off the new TV On The Radio LP Return to Cookie Mountain. Great name, great band, great songs.
- Over the weekend Berkely Place posted a few tracks by Turtle’s favorite rapper, Saigon. Go check out the man who got his music into the closing credits of Queen’s Boulevard now.
- I Am Fuel You Are Friends has a Monday Music roundup that includes Sia and Fatboy Slim’s remix of Cornershop’s “Brimful of Asha.” And more… so much more.
- Head over to Both Sides of the Mouth and give a listen to Little Man Tate. Not only are they named after a Jodie Foster movie, but they have a song called “Man I Hate Your Band.” I think I like these guys.
- And finally, The Rich Girls Are Weeping has a Velvet Underground track today as well as a couple of Pipettes B-sides. Not a bad way to start the week.