- Our favorite and last remaining Hollywood couple, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, called it quits. And in a completely related story, Phillippe is now loaded.
- We subjected ourselves to both an entire article written by K-Fed, and his entire album. We keep checking our mailboxes for Purple Hearts, and nothing.
- Bob Barker announces his retirement, and we remember the top 10 things we love about the man. (Note, his groin is not on the list.)
- Kanye West says something stupid, and the world continues to pay attention.
- Elisabeth Hasselbeck says something stupid, and the world continues to pay attention.
- And finally, let’s relive all of those moments when Jared Leto didn’t fully arouse — we mean annoy — us.
Tune into Best Week Ever tonight @11 and all weekend long to find out what else you missed!
…but rape on The Young & the Restless sure is! This dude has to be the best looking sexual predator pirate in history.
The producers of Jesus Camp should send New Life Church leader Ted Haggard one of the male hookers he loves so much for helping them out by ostensibly admitting that he pays for man-love at the precise time they release their documentary – in which the preacher is prominently featured – about the hypocrisy of the Evangelical Right. Haggard, who is a personal friend of President Bush and President of the National Association of Evangelicals (representing over 30 million voting Christians), has preached about the “evils” of gay sex on numerous occasions (including the clip below, taken from Jesus Camp), and now has admitted to purchasing crystal meth and “massages” (mostly in and around his genitals, we’re sure) from a male prostitute. Now that he’s resigned from his position as head pastor in shame, we find Ted Haggard most deserving of the holy honor of being baptized today’s Daily Douche.
UPDATE: Here’s video of the lord’s servant explaining that he was only leaving messages on male escorts’ answering machines to buy meth. Meth that he would later throw away instead of snorting it and having hot sex some rented boy.
Cocaine Cowboys isn’t what you think. It isn’t a movie about Paris and Lilo on horseback. Nor does it have anything to do with Whitney Houston and the Superbowl. The movie is a documentary about Columbian drug trafficking, being billed as the “real” Scarface. The best part? While buzz on the movie is good (so good you just wanna rub the film strip along your gums), unsurprisingly many of the folks in Miami interested in seeing the movie aren’t that interested seeing it at a swanky art house. As a result, the bootleg DVD is a runaway hit at flea markets across the area. But instead of throwing a fit, the filmmakers have embraced the attention, making short films (available on Youtube) interviewing the very thieves profiting off their work. Kudos, guys, way to avoid getting your throats slashed. Check out the trailer, and make sure to blow your nose before your boss comes back.
Caption This! brought to you by Stranger Than Fiction, in theaters November 10th.
Someone call PETA.
It’s no secret that we’re still suffering from Seinfeld withdrawal. The show now airs 4 times daily here in New York, and it’s barely enough to keep our kvetching urges at bay. When Jerry Seinfeld made an appearance at Comedy Central’s Night of Too Many Stars benefit, we nearly lept to sweet death from our mezzanine seats out of pure happiness. So you can understand our enthusiasm regarding this live action preview for the upcoming animated jaunt Bee Movie. Seinfeld + Bee Costume + Chris Rock = Excellent Friday afternoon trailer. (via Cinematical)
Believe it or not, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is currently the highest rated movie over at Rottentomatoes.com. It sports a 95% “fresh” rating, edging out Scorcese’s The Departed and, yes, even Saw III. However, rather than read the 80 positive reviews, we decided to focus solely on the 4 negatives. Here’s what they have to say:
“Their humor is mean, not funny. Cohen spends the movie gladly accepting the kindness of strangers who accept him, despite his outlandish appearance and demeanor, then he takes advantage of their good graces by turning them into laughing stocks for his audience.”
-Edward Douglas, comingsoon.net
“It also should be noted that “Borat” is extremely scatological and raises the bar once again on what a mainstream studio comedy thinks it can get away with in terms of nude and crude sex humor.”
-William Arnold, Seattlepi.com
“He says much to offend the people with whom he comes into contact, particularly people who have been for centuries the butt of cruelty now here, now there, now in this century, now in that.”
-Harvey S. Karten, ShowBiz Forum
Unfortunately, oneguysopinion’s site wasn’t working so we were unable to get a quote from him, but we imagine it’d go something like this: “Wahh, Borat was mean to people, wahh.”
Well, judging solely on the quotes from the “negative” reviews, now I REALLY can’t wait to see this movie tonight. Thanks guys! You sold me. How about you– are you going to see Borat tonight? Harvey S. Karten needs to know.
You might not have heard, but there’s this little movie called Borat opening today. We still can’t decide whether or not we’re going to see it. But now that people are incapable of recognizing the difference between the Kazakhstani reporter and some dude in LA with too much free time and not much creativity, we’re gonna go ahead say Borat’s prostitute-pulled wagon is curring sailing its way over the proverbial shark. (via Defamer)
Ebay has always been a treasure trove of brilliance, but the following listing may take the mud chocolate cake. One crafty seller is hand-sculpting a figurine called The Bathroom Man, featuring a small porcelain man on a small porcelain toilet taking, one would assume, a large hearty dump. The buying incentive — as though there wasn’t one already — is that you send in your picture and he sculpts YOU sitting on the toilet! (Can you say perfect Bridesmaid’s Gift?) In order to prove his sculpting skillz, the seller chose to model a Bathroom Man example after (who else?) Christian Bale. And frankly, we don’t know why, but this makes perfect sense to us. In fact, we’d rather buy Christian Bale on the toilet than ourselves! (Though Ralph Fiennes pinching a loaf would also rank highly.) And for only $139.99, what’s not to love??
Thanks to reader BlackSwan for dropping this nugget of hilarity. Got something you want to share? Drop it now!