Ashton Kutcher Wants Friends His Own Age


kutch.jpgA celebrity with a MySpace account is nothing new. Everybody from Jenna Jameson to Jon Lovitz has one. So when MetaDish pointed out that Ashton Kutcher has a page, we didn’t think anything of it. Until we delved deeper.

A self-described “28 [year-old] with a step daughter in college”, it’s obvious that Ashton is trying to be just like the rest of us. He includes a picture of his favorite football player (Walter Payton), as well as pics of him with his bud, his dog, and his famous movie star wife. The Kutch is one of us! See for yourself. While you’re there, here are a few other things to look for:

  • Ashton calls Kevin Costner “a stud”.
  • Not even Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are able to get good seats at a football game.
  • He won’t refer to his page as “my space” because MySpace totally sold out.
  • Ashton LOL’s like the rest of us!
  • And suprisingly he only has a few hundred friends. Though he’d probably have more if not for The Butterfly Effect.

Not All Sponsors Pulling Out of Survivor: Race Wars


CHEERIOS1.JPGThe new season of Survivor: Race Wars is facing some sponsor trouble. Apparently, companies aren’t super “jazzed” about the idea of pitting four tribes — each made up of a single race (white, black, asian and hispanic) — against one another. Companies such as Proctor & Gamble, Coca-Cola and Johnson & Johnson are acting like total p.c. a-holes, and have all pulled out of sponshorship deals with the television show.

But fret not, multi-billion dollar conglomo CBS. There is still money to be made. We’ve compiled a list of products that would all be perfectly suited to advertise on Survivor: Race Wars. Take a look:

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Read more…

‘Idol’ Singer Clay Aiken May Serve Bush


aikenbush.jpg(As everyone is freaking out about utterly unsuprising developments in Paris Hilton’s ongoing struggle with existence, news stories as AMAZING as this one are in danger of falling through the cracks, which is why we have decided to present this to you in its entirety, un-edited with the exception of our bolding emphasis, and without further comment. Also, the headline above is the actual one used in the story.)

RALEIGH, N.C. – Clay Aiken is in line to be named to the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, the White House said Wednesday.

Aiken, a Raleigh native who gained fame as a runner-up on “American Idol,” once worked as a YMCA counselor.

The committee’s Web site said it advises the president on issues pertaining to people with intellectual disabilities. The committee was established in 1961 by President John Kennedy as the President’s Panel on Mental Retardation.

A White House press release said President Bush intends to make the appointment. Officials did not say when. The singer’s new album, “A Thousand Different Ways,” is due out later this month.

Making a joke here would only be redundant.

ICYMI: When Local News Goes Awesome


Unless you live in San Diego, you probably missed this, which is a shame. During an investigative report about a local real estate scam artist, one Action News Guy gets a little more than he bargained for. If this was Ron Burgundy, I think things would have happened a little differently.

While You Were Posting Paris’ Bail


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  • Paris Hilton was busted for Driving Under the Influence. The influence of alcohol– not just Brandon Davis.
  • Press reports indicate that Britney Spears will give birth to her second child today via C-section. K-Fed prepares to be bumped down one notch to the Fourth Most Likeable member of the family.
  • The Arctic Monkeys have taken home the U.K’s Nationwide Mercury Prize. Hipsters who wrote the band off back in April will hold a meeting to determine if this means they are “so over” or if it’s now safe to like them ironically.
  • Daniel Craig, a.k.a. James Bond, hates Los Angeles because you “can’t party” there. When reached for comment, Lindsay Lohan said, “Huh? What? Are you asking a question? Jesus Christ I’m so f**ked up right now.”
  • Viacom chief Sumner Redstone decided to fire CEO Tom Freston a week before he fired Tom Cruise. The 83-year-old also declared he wanted to fire Tom Hanks and Tom Brady, before being reminded he didn’t own everybody named Tom.

GAMES: Terri Irwin’s Revenge


irwins.JPGYesterday we asked if it was too soon to make fun of The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin? Forty-plus comments later, the answer is clear: Yes, it is too soon… but it’s still kind of funny. Fair enough.

So today, we pose a similar question: Is it too soon to play a Crocodile Hunter flash game? Specifically, Terri Irwin’s Revenge. In TIR, you play the part of Steve Irwin’s widow as she swims around the sea and kills as many sting rays as she can.

Therapeutic or absolutely terrible? It’s your call. (This game was Dropped by tonygarcia. Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!)




  • KID GROWING UP TOO FAST: Suri Cruise is only a few months old and she’s already posing topless in Vanity Fair. What a slut. (Perez Hilton)
  • REASON I SHOULD’VE STAYED IN SCHOOL: Shakira wants an NYU professor to give her history lessons about each place she visits on tour. I may not be a PhD, but I’d teach her a pretty good lesson about the Battle of the Bulge. (Gawker)
  • JUNIOR JEW-HATER: Mel Gibson’s 24 year-old Aryan son Christian (seriously, that’s his name) was apparently arrested for DUI last year. Like father like son like Hitler. (MollyGood)
  • THING THAT SUGGESTS ALL HOPE MIGHT NOT BE LOST: Bob Dylan’s latest masterpiece debuted at #1 on the US album charts, right above MTV-made girlie-band Danity Kane. (Reuters)
  • CRUNK THING: Some DJ has made “crunk” re-mixes of Radiohead tunes. The songs are just “OK Crunkputer”, but the idea is still pretty funny. (BoingBoing)

ICYMI: Ellen Gives K-Fed a Bong


When K-Fed showed up on the Ellen show this afternoon for his latest stop on the “Not-Great White Veloci-Rap-Tour of 2006″, he mentioned that he needs to stop smoking cigarettes (though I happen to be of the opinion that he should up his habit by a few dozen packs a day). Fearing for the welfare of little Sean Preston, Ellen inexplicably gave K-Fed a big green bong. Maybe she’s still got a few wires crossed after that whole car crash thing.

I. Literally. Cannot. Get. Enough. Of. Suri.


SUri2.JPGWhile I usually like to post these gossipy tidbits in the classier “royal we” voice, I fear my compatriots would not stand behind my decision to add yet another Suri Cruise posting. Well the hell with ‘em. I’m gonna come right out and say it.

Suri Cruise is the cutest baby I have ever seen. There. It’s out. Yes, it’s even cuter than this. I don’t care if a thetan-mobile hangs over her head, or if her poor sunken-eyed mother wasn’t allowed to make a peep as the child’s glorious mop of hair came poking out of her hindquarters. The kid is absolutely stunning! I can’t get her out of my mind. Everything I did today was punctuated with the thought of Suri. Get a cup of coffee Suri. Flat iron my ankle hair Suri. Call all of my ex-husbands and beg them for a thimble of their seed Suri.

Look at these pictures! No wonder Tom and Kat”i”e didn’t want to release the pics. They best lock that kid up if they knew what was good for it! I’ve got a papoose with a gaping hole of loneliness inside just begging for a tiny blue-eyed eskimo. And, of course, I demand more pictures. In fact, I want my October issue of Vogue to weigh at least 15 pounds, and when I crack it open, the inside of it should be hollowed out to reveal a real life baby. Listen, when you think of how many babies have to be put to sleep at the Humane Society every year, it’s really the right thing to do. I’m sure Anna Wintour can make it happen.


(See more of the Vanity Fair pics here!)