A lot of people have been discussing Mel’s second apology following his drunk driving, slur-slipping arrest last week. If you recall, his first apology was directed to… well, nobody really, while his second apology focused on the Jews (you know, those people who start the wars.) Well, that wasn’t enough.
There was another victim the night of Mel’s arrest (and no, I’m not talking about all of the helpless gossip bloggers who are forced to write about this.) If you head over the Huffington Post you can read Mel’s third, and perhaps most poignant apology to date.
Don’t do it for me, and don’t do it for Mel. Do it for the Sugar Tits.
Suffice it to say, no upcoming movie release has captured our attention more than Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (it’s official title). While star Sacha Baron Cohen is taking heat for manipulating innocent redneck members of the American public, this brand new trailer makes us want to camp out for the opening day, replete with moustaches on our lips and hearts on our sleeves.
Gwyneth Paltrow has finally admitted what the public has been thinking for years: Bitch is huge. Of course, we’re kidding. Girl could twist herself into a yoga pretzel, hang from a street vendor’s cart, sell for $1, and no one would blink a flaxen eyelash. The Shallow Hal star has told friends that since the birth of her babies, she’s developed these weird “lumps” on her body — not realizing that those things are in fact breasts, and that they’re supposed to be there. Paltrow, famous for her macrobiotic diet and killer dutch ovens, is debating getting plastic surgery to smooth the milimeter of body fat that is keeping her up at nights. But judging from these pictures recently taken at an effing modeling shoot, Paltrow looks as beautiful as ever. So either she can accept herself for who she is — a successful, willowy actress — or shut her trap, open her nostrils, and take up cocaine like the rest of us.
Look, I’ll be honest – I have no idea what’s going on with the whole Israel/Palestine/Hezbollah thing right now. I don’t really read the news unless it involves Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise or David Hasselhoff, so all this violence in the Middle East is pretty confusing for me. Thank god Madonna was there to explain to us the complexities of this conflict upon the chiseled bodies of her shirtless backup dancers during a recent performance.
Jew thought Mel Mania Week was over, didn’t jew? Well jew were wrong, because the anti-Semitic fun has just begun! Besides, what would any good scandal be without at least one resulting internet mash-up? That’s why jew should check out this hilarious parody trailer for Mel Gibson’s Signs: of Anti-Semitism by Steven Santos and BWE’s own editor Marcos Levy (who’s also partly responsible for all the wars in the world).
(Digg this here)
1. The trailer alone had more funny in it than every comedy Hollywood has crapped out so far this year (except for Little Man – that was HILARIOUS!), so this isn’t particularly surprising. And people really, really love watching Will Ferrell yell and scream – $47 million
2. I guess Babe, Chicken Run and Racing Stripes just couldn’t feed America’s insatiable appetite for animated manure – $16 million
3. Man, do you guys have any idea what a person can do with eleventy bajillion dollars? Cause there are a couple dudes at Disney who would really love to know – $11 million
4. Seeing that Miami Vice had dropped three places after last week’s #1 opening, Don Johnson threw down his morning paper, punched his maid in the face, and spent the rest of the day leaving Colin Farrell nasty voice messages about what happens when you try to f*ck over Don Johnson – $9.7 million
5. This movie is almost as scary as the fact that M. Night Shamalamadingdong thinks he’s still an important filmmaker – $8.8 million
If you gathered up Spike Jonze, Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondry, Matthew Barney, John Waters and Salvador Dali, fed them large doses of psychedelic mushrooms, strapped video equipment to each of them, and sent the entire group into a NASCAR race, you’d still never be able to capture video footage as absolutely bizarre and completely surreal as this 3-minute clip of Britney Spears casually chatting/burping about her fears and frustrations:
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, August 6th! Claudia is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Dog Whisperer, Entourage, and Flavor of Love!
So what went on during the week of BWE’s 100th episode?
Make sure to tune into Best Week Ever tonight at 11 for anything we may have missed. And if you’re one of those people who enjoy knocking back a drink or 6 during the show, play the BWE drinking game. Tonight, every time you hear a reference to the show being our 100th episode, take a drink. Mel played along during last week’s show and well… yeah, you saw how that turned out for him.
Have a great weekend!