SIZZLER: Britney’s Poem Revised, Still Bad

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Britney Spears’ mysterious poem, No More Chains, which was first posted on her website on Saturday but was taken down shortly thereafter, is back up. Tabloids are interpreting the poem as a reference to K-Fed cheating (re: “you trick me once, you trick me twice , now it’s three”). But we think there are just too many layers to the stanzaic composition to be interpreted so narrowly. Luckily she included a picture when she re-posted the poem yesterday. And we think it best explains what the poem is really about: too many appletinis with the girls.

Read the entire poem here.

ICYMI: Flaming Commencement Speech

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If there’s anyone in the world who has practical wisdom to pass on to America’s college graduates, it’s the man who once wrote a song called “Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell”. In this two-part video series, Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne gives one of most…interesting…commencement speeches in the history of education. The second half of the video can be found at Scenestars.

AMC Can’t Quit Brokeback

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The AMC channel understands that Brokeback Mountain was a huge success, but they just don’t understand why. Posters for their first ever original movie Broken Trail (airing June 25th) –plastered all over New York City– are identical to the posters for the groundbreaking gay cowboy film. Only they’ve replaced Heath and Jake’s profiles with those of Thomas Hayden Church and Robert Duvall. And based on the movie’s summary, they’ve also replaced hot gay sex with middle-aged heterosexual romance. But judging by the movie poster and the word ‘broke’, the two men have just as strong a connection–platonically speaking of course.

Meanwhile, nothing’s as hot as our Brokeback Mountain T-shirts. Pick one up in our product shop!

ICYMI: Hicks Wins, Hasselhoff Weeps

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It takes a lot to make David Hasselhoff cry. And by a lot we mean, a gray-haired white guy winning American Idol. Check out the grand finale of last night’s show. Taylor Hicks takes the title, but the Hoff steals the spotlight.
(via socialite life)

POLL: And the Winner is …Hicks or Aiken’s Hair?

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After last night’s American Idol we’re still unclear who really won. Was it Taylor Hicks who stole the title of American Idol? Or was it Clay Aiken’s new strategically rockin’ haircut which stole our hearts? You tell us…

It’s May 25th; What’s up?

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tv set4.jpgOkay, so I have good news and bad news. The good news is there are a lot of great shows on tonight– The Office, ER, CSI, Numb3rs, Everybody Hates Chris… the list goes on and on. But the bad news? They’re all repeats. Yep, it’s that time of year.

Outside of Fox’s 2-houir premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, threre’s really nothing new on tonight. Sure, you can watch Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle on ABC or The Hulk on Sci-Fi if you’ve never seen them before, but maybe it’d be better if you made plans and went out for a change. You know– be social.

Nah.

What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

While You Were Stuck on a Train

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SIZZLER: Cruise Buys Scientology Dream Home

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katie_holmes47.jpgTom Cruise has purchased land to build his dream home for his brand new perfect family. The acreage, overlooking the San Fernando Valley in California, was reportedly purchased for $10 million. The actor plans to spend an additional $25 million to build his dream house on the land. And guess who he bought the property from? The Church of Scientology. Which means Tom won’t have to go through the hassle of changing of his alien telephone number.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, May 24th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, May 24th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Dr. Phil: Escaping Addiction, The American Idol Finale, and the Lost finale!

…Of The Day

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  • CROTCH: It’s still FireCrotch, and probably will be until another one steps up and beats it. Wait, that came out wrong. (It Speaks)
  • RUNNER-UP CROTCH: Stacy Keibler’s– however, how much of it you see depends on the publication. (Gawker)
  • MASK: Somebody showed up to Cannes in this freaky Faye Dunaway mask (right). What? That’s not actually a mask? Um… nevermind then. (Yahoo)
  • MISUNDERSTANDING: You know how everybody in America knows Stephen Colbert is only playing an over-the-top Conservative talk show host on TV? Yeah, well “everybody in America” does not include Tom DeLay, who posted a video of Colbert slamming Robert Greenwald on his Defend DeLay site today. Whoops. (Think Progress)