Tonight Is the Most Important Night of Your Life…

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…Because talentless pop stars will once again be making a spectacle of themselves in exchange for your continued interest in them on the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards! Even though MTV doesn’t play music videos anymore, if there’s one thing famous people need more of, it’s self-congratulatory award programs! That’s right, kiddies – tune into MTV tonight at watch all the inanity live at 8pm. A few more of our rejected VMA ads can be found after the jump!

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VH1 to Air First On-Camera Celebreality Murder

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Sizemore.JPGFine, we don’t know for sure that this will happen. Then again, when we caught wind of two new shows the divinely-entertaining/rent-paying VH1 plans on airing next Spring, it almost seems inevitable. Both Andrew Dice Clay and Tom Sizemore will be starring in their own Bonaduce-like reality shows, and strangely enough, both ideas make us want to 1. Set our Tivo’s to season pass these mf’s; and 2. Become secret cutters. Cameras will follow Clay around to various comedy clubs as he tries to regain some of the status and edge that made him a cult figure in the 1980′s, as well as footage from his rocky homelife. Leather jacket and Dep styling gel enthusiasts have never been more jazzed.

Sizemore’s show, however, won’t be all cotton candy and unicorns. The show will follow the troubled-but-now-sober actor to acting auditions and shooting locales, but will also “include flashbacks to his battles with drug and sexual addiction via tape he shot on his own.” Fourteen words: This is going to be hands down the best/most depressing show on television. And we’re not just saying that because the network puts food on the table (she says while taking a caviar bath.) And knowing Sizemore’s notoriously violent temper, odds are 3 to 5 that Tom strangles an incompetent intern within the first 4 weeks.

LISTEN UP: Or Feel The Rapture

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  • Okay, you can either head over to Indieblogheaven and download two tracks off the new Pete Yorn album that came out yesterday, or you can go out and buy the whole thing now. I recommend the latter.
  • Swoon wants to put some damn music in your face with 3 new tracks by The Rapture. Take it. Take it all.
  • Culture Bully posted both an mp3 and video of Outkast’s performance of “Morris Brown” from Letterman. The video is rumored to be 1,000 times more enjoyable than sitting through Idlewild.
  • The Scattermish Bloooog went nuts today, posting a 30 track hip hop/bass/electro mix featuring tracks by Jay-Z, Missy Elliot, Fergie, Spank Rock and a whole lot more. Go to town.
  • And finally, if you’ve been kind of down because your iPod doesn’t have nearly enough C&C Music Factory on it, today’s your lucky day. Digital Eargasm is gonna make you sweat.

ICYMI: Bottles! Thrown at the Band

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When the sad little emo rockers of Panic! At the Disco sauntered onto the stage at the Reading Festival in the UK, they probably thought they were pretty punk rock. However, they probably stopped thinking that somewhere around the time a large toothless soccer hooligan who resembles Vinnie Jones shouted, “Oy! What kind of tweedybird shite is this bollocks!?!” before throwing a half-full bottle of Boddington’s Ale at the lead singer’s face. Now THAT’S punk rock.

(via Rock & Roll Daily)

The Worst Near Nip Slip In The History of Mankind

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Some things don’t need explanation. In this case, the only thing we will say is that the tailor responsible for sewing those fettucini straps on Aretha Franklin should get his own bronze at the Vatican. We don’t know want to know what kind of prunes Aretha is hiding in that dress. Related question: Can battery acid in the eyes erase memories?

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SIZZLER: George Clooney Finds a GILF?

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CLOONEYBARKIN.JPGBritish tabloids are reporting that 45-year-old silver fox George Clooney has been shacking up with his Oceans 13 co-star, the radiant Ellen Barkin, who, at 52, is seven years his senior. Clooney is well known for his young tail exploits, while Barkin has just lived through an incredibly messy divorce to the world’s richest bald man, Revlon owner Ron Perelman. And even at 52, Barkin looks better than most of the starlets gracing the magazine pages these days… she was Diane Lane before Diane Lane was Diane Lane. And Clooney may be the worldliest/classiest man on the planet. So what’s in the stars for these two? We’ve popped a quarter into the “BWE Love-o-Tron” to see how compatible this pairing is… and take a look!

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Rosie Responds To Photoshop Claim… In Annoying, Verse Form

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Katie Couric isn’t the only celebrity involved in a photoshop scandal this week (we use the word “scandal” loosely seeing how nobody actually cares). It seems that the folks over at ABC decided to trim a few layers off of new View co-host Rosie O’Donnell as well. Rosie, as she tends to do, responded on her website:
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i saw the view black suit photo
on drudge
and i vote yes
it was photo-shopped
look at the amount of white space
between my arm and body
barbara and elisabeth seem to vanish
there in my underarm thinnest
yes i say
photoshop

So there you have it; even Rosie thinks the photograph is doctored. Of course, that begs the question: if they’re photoshopping Rosie O’Donnell pictures, why stop at just the love handles? Why not go all out, like this?
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Project Runway: Topless Kayne Was In Our Nightmare

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Jeffrey.JPGProject Runway is growing increasingly more disturbing. Whereas in the last two seasons, even the villains and/or talentless hacks were still somehow likable (Santino, Wendy Pepper, et al.), this season we have Jeffrey, a weak-chinned miscreant who hotglues litterbox lining into dresses, and Vincent, who will be a shoe-in during next week’s designer straight-jacket challenge. Even the gays aren’t as snappy! Let’s take a look at this week’s most disturbing highlights:

  • The Jeffrey vs. Angela Debate: At first, Angela’s borderline sniveling/rosettey presence made us really dislike the girl. Then, Jeffrey’s vicious bullying attitude towards the girl made us Wayne’s World ourselves back to middle school, and hate him. Last night their bickering reached its peak, with Jeffrey harping over Angela’s mom and her “sad eyes.” Our only regret was that once Angela was eliminated at the end of the challenge, she didn’t give the guy a lanky middle finger.
  • Michael teaching Kayne how to model. OK, Michael’s no Miss Jay, but seeing as he’s “done some modeling work”, he should be pretty good, right? Well, let’s put it this way… his strut was borderline similar to the way we walk after one too many swills from our hipflask. Our favorite line of the night goes to Kayne, with his “It’s easier when you’re from the ghetto… I’m from white trash.” We hear white trash is beautiful this time of year.
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Smells Like Duff Spirit

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duffperfume.JPGHilary Duff is the latest celebrity to turn her inexplicable fame into a brand of fashion and beauty products aimed at teen girls still foolish enough to think she’s worth emulating. Your friends here at BWE have already tracked down the first ad for her new fragrance (click thumbnail to see it), so what do you think? A splash behind the ears before a hot date, or a spray in the face for date rapists?

Personally, there’s only one Duff I want to smell like:

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