Own a Piece of Basic Cable History & Save a Chlid!


ColbertPortrait.JPGIt’s amazing how quickly a year can pass. We remember when The Colbert Report was the small prune-faced baby, cradled against The Daily Show‘s bosom in a fur-lined papoose, and breastfed by legion’s of satire-hungry Americans. Now, one year later, and The Colbert Report has blossomed into it’s own phenomenon, a strong and able-bodied half hour of comedy that can sit fully upright on its own.

To celebrate the year anniversary, the show is auctioning off the famous portrait of Stephen Colbert that hangs over the set’s mantlepiece. The description reads:

The portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace and in front of a previous portrait, will be replaced with a new portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace, in front of a previous portrait, in front of a previous portrait. At least one critic has already heralded the Stephen Colbert Portrait Series as “the equivalent of the Genius Grant, the Fibonacci Sequence, and ‘The DaVinci Code’ combined.”

All of the proceeds will be donated to the Save the Children Foundation (Madonna) Good luck guys! And Happy Birthday!

Reel of Must-Staches: Burt Reynolds Edish


It occurred to us today that it’s been awhile since we’ve seen or heard from Burt Reynolds. So what better way to reintroduce him to our lives than with a video that takes a look at what some of our favorite celebs/hated dictators would look like with a Burt’s famous moustache. The only person missing? Norm MacDonald. :uI( (Emoticon with Burt-stache.)

Bonus: Enjoy this Norm as Burt clip on Celebrity Jeopardy, free of charge.

BWE: Guess The Legs


leg hair.jpg

Which burly man was spotted sporting short shorts revealing his masculine hairy legs? Wesley Snipes? Diddy? Play from Kid & Play? Take a guess, then find out the answer by clicking below!

[Thanks to Faded Youth]

Read more…

ICYMI: Letterman Staffer Lives Out Your Fantasy


Please, watch this short instructional video, courtesy of The Late Show with David Letterman, for how to ensure you have the the most relaxing, stress-free two week vacation ever. This method can also be used when quitting a job or wishing your boss a Happy Birthday. (NSFW if your W doesn’t allow “bleeps.”)

A List of Places Wesley Snipes Might Be Hiding


WESSNIPES.JPGAs we reported yesterday, actor Wesley Snipes was indicted by a federal grand jury in Florida, for keeping nearly $12 million owed to the goverment in taxes. As a result, the actor seen in movies such as Major League, Passenger 57 and Blade faces up to 16 years in prison… if authorities can find him. It seems Snipes is on the run from authorities, and his Orlando, Florida home is currently unoccupied. And while we adore Wezzy, we also love the law. So we thought we’d compile a list of some of the more obvious places Wesley Snipes might be hiding… let us know if we’ve left any out in the comments.

  • In a Rubbermaid trash can in Stephen Dorff‘s garage.
  • Trick or Treating in his Blade costume.
  • A roulette table, betting on… never mind.
  • Stealing bases in Cleveland.
  • Sleeping with a 33-year-old woman in a Chicago crack house who later bore his son.
  • Under Patrick Swayze‘s skirt.
  • Dangling from a hanger in a coat closet at The Pentagon.
  • In the cargo hold.
  • Teaching karate to 4 year olds in Peoria, Illinois.
  • Under the President’s bed.
  • Mowing Spike Lee‘s lawn for cash.
  • On a train holding a suspicious money sack filled with $12 million.
  • Filming a new good cop/vampire cop comedy with Woody Harrelson.

Kazakhstan Ridicules Self Just Fine Without Borat


kazakhistupid.JPGFor a country so outraged by a comedian’s portrayal of their people as laughable charmingly-racist imbeciles, you’d think Kazakhstan might make a few “above and beyond” efforts to prove themselves otherwise. Like, oh I don’t know…making sure the word “bank” is spelled properly ON THEIR NATIONAL CURRENCY! But I guess you need not bother with inconsequential details such as “spell-checking” when you’re filming a forty million dollar propaganda movie whose whole message is essentially, “Nuh-uh!” Does anyone know how many Kazakhis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

PROPPED: All Borat, All the Time


In anticipation of the release of Borat, now only T-minus 16 days-and-counting away from hitting theaters, we will continue our shameless ’round-the-clock plugging of a movie in which we have no particular investment other than our own burning desire to laugh our faces off at it. The latest morsel of hilarity comes via reader Brooklyn Ski Club, who dropped us a link to SIX seperate deleted scenes from the film, our personal favorite being the one below, wherein Borat explains to the Dallas PD why they’d be wise to leave his “anoose” alone. Check it out and don’t forget to keep dropping us the goods, Borat-related or otherwise!

SIZZLER: If You Want Some Candy, And You Think He’s Sexy


rodparis.jpgSomebody call Dateline’s Chris Hansen, because it sounds like we need to catch a predator! Rod Stewart recently told Blender magazine that he would have diddled his daughter Kimberly’s friend Paris Hilton back when he first laid eyes on her, when she was a not-quite-ripe 14 years of age. Here’s what he said (steel your stomachs):

“She was very attractive then… I happened to notice. She would have definitely fallen into the right parameters.”

After you finish pondering exactly what “parameters” could possibly be “right” for a leathery, wart-covered old rocker to engage in coital activities with his teenage daughter’s BFF, consider the possibility that this seemingly small revelation could actually be the missing link we’ve all been searching for, finally explaining the mysterious phenomenon of Paris Hilton’s insatiable libido. Could it all really be traced back to an unseemly incident during a sleepover party at the Stewart home in which Rod, having had twelve scotches too many, did some midnight marauding with Paris on the bottom bunk bed whilst his daughter unknowingly slept only a few feet above? That mental image alone is enough to make us want to forgive Paris just a little bit.