Leave it to Hollywood to turn our lazy summer days into one crazy-filled week. Here’s what happened:
- When Paramount decided to terminate its 14-year partnership with Tom Cruise, both parties started pointing fingers in the press, resulting in one very frightening memo to Tom from Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone.
- We discovered a site called 10,000 Reasons Civilization Is Doomed and had a good chuckle about it. But after also discovering Paris’ album, Dane Cook’s idea of comedy, a Lohan Family Circus comic, a Snakes on a Plane tattoo, and celebrity scales, we’re starting to worry that the site wasn’t a joke.
- After failing to impress even the most musical-taste-challenged teenyboppers at the Teen Choice Awards, K-Fed stops bragging about his MC skills and starts bragging about his GED skills.
- Team Firecrotch decided their battles would be better fought by moving Moron Headquarters from Hyde Nightclub directly to Paris Hilton’s house, where Brandon Davis also now resides.
- Seeing as neither could avoid the necessity of promoting themselves to their target demographic at the Teen Choice Awards, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson’s inevitable crossing of paths turned out to be one really awkward encounter.
- Troubled pop princess Britney Spears has been making pretty premature plans for her own burial, saying she wants to be buried with her dog Lucky. As the average human lives upwards of 70 years and dogs only for about 10, this means she’s either planning to keep Lucky’s corpse on ice for six decades, or she’s really trying tell us something.
In the wake of Tom Cruise being firing by Paramount Pictures for his suddenly radical approach to public relations over the past year, and the fallout’s resulting ego battle with his old boss, the biology experts over at UsWeekly took a scientific approach to identifying the physical nature of his development from Hollywood Hunk to Crazy Eyes Cruise. Nature can be scary, kids – and if we’re not careful, the next time Cruise finds his way onto a plane, it might be a whole lot muthaf*ckin’ scarier than Maverick and Iceman’s forbidden love.
NBC’s The Office might be our favorite show on television. Perfectly cast, funny, real — hard to find reasons to hate it. Well, NBC may just have found one. Looks like they’re pushing the Pam and Jim romance hardcore. Don’t get us wrong, we love the two of them (John Krasinski, call us!), and obvs cried for days during the season finale (full disclosure: our great aunt died the same night… but still.) However, when NBC tries to shove their adorableness down our throats, like in the following promo, which utlizes the soundtrack from Saving Private Ryan‘s? Let’s just say Ross and Rachel are rolling over in their ruby-lined graves.
THE OFFICE – Pam & Jim Moments – video powered by Metacafe
TMZ has successfully completed another one of their classic “stalk celebrities who aren’t doing anything out of the ordinary until they have a meltdown, then use that meldown as EXCLUSIVE footage of a celebrity spinning out of control” scenarios, this time picking off easy (and campletely drunk) target Tara Reid outside of Hyde, which is the pretty much the equivalent of hunting slow-moving animals in a petting zoo with a rocket launcher. While it seems kind of cruel and unfair, it’s also fairly hard to feel that sorry for a fading starlet who stops posing for the cameras long enough to slur her way through a minute-long monologue about how unfair it is for paparazzi to harass starlets who are just innocently trying to black out again. By the time she reaches her moving climax of threatening to “kick their f*cking asses”, it’s hard to determine whether you feel more sorry for – or disgusted by – the entire situation (and the culture that’s created it).
We never realized it before today, but Jared Leto and Jennifer Connelly look like identical twins. They are both ghost white, raven-haired, and very, very feminine looking. It’s Finkle-and-Einhorn-steez, ya’ll.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of Jared Leto, we want to remind everybody that he has gout. Old news? Yes. Still hilarious, though.
If morbid things weird you out, prepare to get weirded. MyDeathSpace is a new website offering a place to peruse the MySpace profiles of people who have passed away. At first, we thought it was a joke, and gave the creators credit for the attention grabbing idea. But further perusal has us wondering… is MyDeathSpace real? In a way, it can be a nice (if not sick) way to honor the lives of those passed. Then again, we find the Hot Topic-style buttons they’re selling to be taking an interesting idea into a pretty sick joke. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to update our profile — we’d hate to pass on and leave the world thinking Mrs. Doubtfire is our fave film evs. The stakes have been raised! (Link via Popgadget)
When we first read that Kathy Najimy, actress in such hit movies as Sister Act and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, was boycotting Project Runway due to some insensitive comments about plus-sized women, we assumed it was about Wednesday’s episode, which featured a number of porkers — er, averaged-sized ladies. Turns out, Najimy is incensed over last week’s episode, where Alison‘s model — 6’6″ and 125 pounds tops — was referred to as “zaftig” and “plus-sized.” In her well-put letter written to Bravo Exec Andy Cohen, Najimy accuses host Heidi Klum of helping to perpetuate eating disorders among young girls, pointing out that six out of ten 11-year-old are on diets… with the other four getting their fat-asses kicked in the schoolyard.
We actually discussed these comments with our friends over plates of deep-fried Snickers bars and lard skewers, concluding that Klum had some nerve calling that girl plus-sized. Did she look like an idiot? Def. Did she hulk over the Keeblerish Alison? Obvs. But fat? Waistless? Sigh. We would love to boycott Project Runway… if only it wasn’t as addictive as this cocaine that keeps us thin. Sigh.
Improv Everywhere is a group of improvers, comedians, and scallywags, who plan large-scale pranks on unsuspecting New Yorkers. In their latest stunt, 225 of their “undercover agents” entered New York City’s Home Depot — handy when you need to buy fixtures for your 15 square foot apartment — and moved throughout the store in slow motion. At one point, everyone was required to freeze for a whole five minutes, much to the amazement of the other customers. Check out the “highlights reel” below, and click here to see more clips from the day.
(Link via Wired Blog)