Carly Simon, who’d said subject of "You’re So Vain" contains an A, E
and R, claims it’s not Mick Jagger or Warren Beatty, for those of you
scoring at home; Christopher Walken, Darth Vader, Bea Arthur still in
play.

Michael Jackson enters ladies’ room.  EVERYBODY PANIC!

Former former Baywatch star Brooke Burns hospitalized for broken neck
after diving into a pool. Apparently Mitch had left to go find Hobie,
who had sneaked off to go jet skiing with friends.

‘Xzibit Is A Really Good Actor,’ Aniston Says As He Holds Gun To Her Head.

For those waiting for a film drama about 9-11 starting Adam Sandler your wait will soon be over.

Miss America contest moving to Las Vegas — so losers can immediately start their jobs as strippers.

Shoe designer donates special hi-tops to illegal migrants – complete
with compass, flashlight, map of the border, and a Roo-style pocket for
pain relievers.

Martha Stewart sued by jury consultant, because stiffing your client of $74,000 is not a good thing.

ET has confirmed that KIMBERLY STEWART is engaged to "Laguna Beach"
cast member TALAN TORRIERO. The 26-year-old daughter of rocker ROD
STEWART recently split from "Girls Gone Wild" producer JOE FRANCIS. She
was previously engaged to musician CISCO ADLER back in autumn of 2004.
No word yet on a wedding date for Kimberly and Talan.

I give the engagement 2 months and I give two weeks for Paris to pounce. Place your bets people.[et story ]

Is Trapped In The Closet a little too hard for you to follow? Naturally. Well, the guys over at SomethingAwful have put together a Cliffs Notes– or Thorpe’s Notes– version of it. Because when you have hyperventilating midgets, gun toting ex-cons, homosexual clergymen, a spatula wielding nosey neighbor, and a whole bunch of marital infidelities, sometimes you need to have things cleared up.

Check out the Notes here.

And in case you missed them, here are the Notes for Chapters 1-5.

Midgets jumping out of cakes… Paris Hilton… Ozzy Osbourne… a Greek shipping heir that drives around with a jacket over his head… why, it must be Kelly Osbourne’s 21st birthday party!

Check out pictures here, courtesy of Dana’s Dirt.

Leave it to Family Guy to push the envelope once again. Who knew OBL had such a hard time getting through one of his videos? Well, this just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter who, what, or where you are– once you get a case of the giggles, it’s almost impossible to stop.

Watch the video here.

Eva Mendes has vowed never to wear fur again. Alright, that’s a start. Now step two: Get Eva Mendes to vow never to wear clothes again.

Jennifer Aniston has been named GQ’s Man of the Year. And it finally makes sense why Brad dumped her.

On The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra blamed the media for her 14-year-long feud with Naomi Campbell. Naomi Campbell then blamed Tyra for being such a bitch. Tyra shot back "I don’t think so, girlfriend!" Then they got into a big old cat fight on stage that only ended when they started making out. Well, that’s how it played out in my mind.

Mariah Carey has allegedly asked toymakers to produce 300 "miniature Mariah" dolls. She plans on handing them out to all 300 people who actually saw Glitter.

Chelsea Clinton has been hanging out with Tara Reid. In a related story, Bill Clinton still hasn’t returned his copy of "American Beauty."

And finally, a San Bernadino woman still plans to marry the man who shot her in the groin and then held her hostage for six days. Because love is blind. And really, really stupid.

For everyone out there making DVD commentaries, I have one word for you, “STOP!”

There is absolutely no way anyone can top the pure insanity of R. Kelly candidly watching and talking about his Hip-Hop Opera “Trapped in the Closet” on his newly released compilation DVD. Seriously, this is why DVD commentaries were invented. [keep reading]

If you love Trapped in the Closet as much as we do, you have to read Paul’s take on the R. Kelly masterpiece. Because watching R. Kelly watch Trapped in the Closet is "like God watching a video of the 1st 12 days of Earth."

I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

Also, check out Paul’s site for brand new video updates. Rock on.

Believe it or not, I’ve never seen The Shawshank Redemption. Shocking, considering they play it 3-times a day on TNT, I know. But after watching this scene, I’m intrigued.

I had no idea Sir-Mix-A-Lot was involved!

Watch the clip here.

If you would have told me when I was 15 that in ten years there’d be an actress who:

Would start writing a hockey blog for NHL.com

Would appear in a Weezer video as the original lead singer of the band before Rivers took over (Perfect Situation)

And who would star in my favorite TV show about terrorism, AND in my favorite movie about a porn star moving next door to a normal guy, AND who was ridiculously gorgeous– do you have any idea what I’d say to you? Probably, "what’s a blog?" But after that I’d fall in love.

Elisha Cuthbert– Finally, Canadians have made up for Bryan Adams.