ICYMI: Fergie Goes Solo

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So here’s the video for “London Bridge”, Fergie’s first solo effort without the aid of her favorite Black Eyed Peas. Her lovely lady lumps are in full effect so I don’t have any complaints regarding the video… but the song. Oh, the song. What do you think? Watch it now.

Celebrity Trend: Dangerous Accidents

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Baldwin.JPGSome might call it coincidence, other might call it a trend. Yesterday, Daniel Baldwin (the Baldwin you have trouble picturing right now) crashed a rented Thunderbird into two parked cars (including a Hummer) while travelling at 80 mph. Reports now say that Baldwin was driving under the influence, although they haven’t specified whether it was the influence of alcohol or his leading man good looks.

And last night, doe-eyed angel Haley Joel Osment lost control of his pimped 1995 Saturn and slammed into a brick pillar. While there is no word as to his condition, here’s hoping all that robot talk in A.I. wasn’t a joke, and that Osment will be back to his creepily friendly self in no time.

We hate to be superstitious, but you know the old saying: B-List Tragedy Happens in Threes. Which is why we have this little word of advice to send out into the universe: Jonathan Lipnicki, whatever you do, do not set foot in a car. Walk, rollerblade, hang glide if you have to… but don’t drive! You’re the only way my dream of Jerry Maguire 2 will ever be realized.
Read more…

ICYMI: Paris’ Ears Are Burning

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pariscry2.JPGWhilst walking through the jungle as they always do, a TMZ camera crew accidentally stumbled upon a species known as the Paris Hilton. After a mutual moment of fear and confusion, the Paris Hilton agreed to engage the paparazzi in an “impromptu” Q & A session, specifically addressing the recent outbreak of “mean comments” people have been leaving about the Paris Hilton on the Internet. Apparently, the Paris Hilton doesn’t like it when people say “mean and sadistic” things about her, and sometimes it makes her very sad. Even when you have millions of undeserved dollars and life of luxurious comfort that most of the world’s population will never know, it hurts when anonymous people say bad things about you in the comments section of Internet sites. It particularly hurts the Paris Hilton that the viscious blog readers who leave these comments haven’t even bothered to take the time to get to know her in person so that they might see what kind of beautiful, compassionate being she actually is. You people should be ashamed of yourselves – the Paris Hilton has feelings, too.

While You Were Suing YouTube

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  • Nicole Richie reportedly fainted during a shopping trip last week. It’s unclear what made her faint; a lack of food, or the store’s shocking! low low prices.
  • Kelsey Grammer won another Emmy on Wednesday, upping his impressive Emmy vs. Fans total to 5-1.
  • A woman accused of stalking John Cusack for 18 months denies the claim. By following him around and standing outside his window uninvited, she was merely doing her best impression of the actor, not stalking him.
  • Matthew McConaughey’s car is up for auction on eBay. Marijuana in glove compartment sold separately.
  • Haley Joel Osment was hospitalized after crashing his 1995 Saturn into a brick wall at 1 a.m. today. Bloggers urged to forego making “I see dead people” jokes and instead focus on the fact the Oscar nominee drives an 11-year-old Saturn.
  • Maddox Jolie-Pitt has been voted the cutest celebrity child. Man, this is not Haley Joel’s day, is it?

…Of The Day

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  • 100% NOT GAY: Oprah & Gayle. Don’t believe them? Then just watch this clip of Gayle on The View. (ifilm)
  • EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT: The Paris Hilton sex doll. I thought this came out already… it’s called Paris Hilton. (Popbytes)
  • WORSE IDEA THAN ROCKY 6: HIV Positive boxer Tommy “Gun” Morrison from Rocky V wants to fight “Iron” Mike Tyson from Mike Tyson’s Punchout. There will be no winners. (Deadspin)
  • MANNY: Britney’s got a new one. The woman goes through Mannys like cans of Red Bull. (Blog NYC)
  • SUMMER SHOW: If you’re in NY, check out the UCB’s Theatre In The Park tonight, starring Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel and a whole slew of others. Wackiness will most certainly ensue. (Paul Scheer)

Drugs Are Bad, Mmmkay

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What you’re seeing on the left is a picture of Clerks star Jason Mewes from back in 2003 before going to rehab for heroin abuse. What you’re seeing on the right is a picture of the same man, now clean, at the recent premiere for Clerks II. Who needs frying eggs and stupid slogans when you have THAT sh*t?

(screencap via iFilm)

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Stereogum has the dirt on the first track from new album from The Roots, and even tells us where to get a second.
  • Our boy the Brooklyn Vegan gives us the heads up on some gnice gnew mashups featuring the Gnotorious Biggie Smalls and everyone’s favorites, Gnarles Barkley.
  • The Rocking Refuses to Stop wants to take a big deep breath of Golden Smog, and alt-country supergroup featuring members of Wilco, The Jayhawks and Soul Asylum.
  • MOKB reminds us that awesome things come in many Shapes & Sizes.
  • Gorilla vs Bear gets their paws on what might be the hippest mash-up in history: a track blending obscure indie rockers Ghostland Observatory with street-cred goldmine Ghostface Killah. The results are frighteningly cool.

SIZZLER: Hollywood’s Beard-Coast/Stache-Coast Rivalry

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If you’ve ever wondered how freaky Joel Siegel and his porn-stache get, the answer is finally here: Not… really… that freaky at all. As reported in today’s Page Six, movie critic Joel Siegel stormed out of a screening of Kevin Smith‘s highbrow comedy Clerk’s II, screaming while scrambling for the aisle “Time to go! First movie I’ve walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!” (Although, I distinctly remember seeing him flee the theater in the middle of Splash, Too.) The tasteless scene that caused the walkout? Two characters debating whether or not to hire a woman to perform sexual favors on a donkey. Siegel, a famous ass lover and punster, would never tolerate such baseless humor.

Smith retaliates with a long-winded anti-Siegel diatribe on his personal blog (I didn’t get to finish, as I stood up halfway through reading it, announced “I’m leaving”, and stormed out of my office for the first time in 3 minutes.) Then, this morning on the Opie and Anthony Show, Joel Siegal gets the Punk’d-style treatment, when Kevin Smith, on the line anonymously, chides the critic for his unprofessional actions. (You can hear the mp3 here.)

If you want our opinion, Smith should be combing every stache-hair on Joel’s face as thanks for this free publicity. The highlight of the affair will be what headline Siegel ends up pundering. In case he’s a little low on ideas, here’s a few to inspire him:

These “Clerks” Aren’t Worth Checking Out

“Clerks” Are Jerks With None Of The Perks

Silent Bob Should Keep [Bleeping] Mouth Shut

Clerks II — More Like Clerks Doo Doo

All Jokes Aside, I Want To Die