Best Week Ever‘s “Most Nattily Dressed Man”, Paul F. Tompkins, made an appearance on MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Olberman last night, do discuss — what else — the Screech Sex Tape. While the two avoided making any mentions to they “rhymes with Flirty Fanchez”, Tompkins makes an excellent point: “If you’re with Screech, holding a threeway together is not easy. This girl’s starting to sober up, this girl’s passed out…” Those poor, poor things. Watch the entire video here!
Everybody and their mother has seen this Youtubular video of a tiny (Latino? Asian? Indian? Norwegian?) midget popping and locking floating around the internets this week. Well, for those of you who just can’t get enough of Little Superstar, here’s some more. This time, instead of dancing, he’s slapping the hell out of a man. Enjoy it now; it’s only a matter of time before this guy becomes the next Chuck Norris. You’ll see.
Link via Gorillamask
- Jessica Simpson’s dad, Joe, wants to “beat the crap” out of Bam Magera for bragging that he slept with Jessica.. Because nobody is allowed to talk about having sex with his daughters but him, dammit!
- Charlie Sheen is set to become TV’s highest-paid sitcom star for his role on Two And A Half Men. Friends, family, and local L.A. whores are incredibly excited about the news.
- Analysts estimate that MySpace could be worth $15 billion within three years. Suddenly Tom just got a little more attractive, didn’t he ladies?
- Rod Stewart has vowed to get a vascectomy after he fathers one more child. No joke here; just included it because we wanted you to think of a 107-year-old Rod Stewart having sex. You’re welcome.
- Pete Doherty, who has vowed to stay clean for girlfriend Kate Moss, was spotted shopping for syringes just 15 hours after leaving rehab. When confronted he responded, “I meant to say I’ll keep my syringes clean for Kate. It’s a start.”
It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, September 27th! Carolyn is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Top Model, Jericho, and The Biggest Loser!
- SEX MOVE: “The Dick Belding”. Try it tonight! (BWE.tv)
- MUST HAVE MEMORABILIA: K-Fed’s resume, if you’re a true collector. (Rolling Stone)
- HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Lt. Jim Dangle of the Reno PD. Those short shorts will give people nightmares far worse than Elm Street. (CC Insider)
- INDIE DONNY & MARIE: Rocker Jeff Tweedy is a little bit funny, and comedian Fred Armisen is a little bit rock & roll! (Scenestars)
- TRAGIC LESSON: “Just say no” to letting Anna Nicole Smith be your mother. (People)
Tyra Banks is all about making dreams come true. On today’s Tyra Banks Show, she got a member of her studio audience* to come on stage and make out with a 39-year-old virgin who had never even kissed a woman before. Not bad. On that note, I think it’s time I admit that I’ve never given a woman a Dick Belding before. Come on Tyra, hook a brother up!
*by ‘audience member’ we mean ‘paid actress’ in all likelihood. Come on. Nobody’s that friendly.
Which sexy Hollywood starlet was caught on camera shooting a sexy glance to her millions of male fans? Take a guess, then click below to find out!
Maybe Project Runway contestant Uli Herzner is a little ahead of her time. Take a look at some of the dresses from Gucci’s Spring Collection from Milan Fashion Week, and tell me “zat zey wouldn’t be puh-fect for, you know, ze night out in Miah-mi, by ze pool, or in St. Tropez, on ze beach.” These dresses scream Uli.
Thanks to Jake for sending us this BillyBob photoshop submission. The contest is underway and we’ve already gotten a bunch of great ones. Now it’s your turn. Click here to get a blank board to work with, then email your submissions to email@example.com. We’ll post our favorites throughout the week and on Friday hand out a prize to the best of the best. We mean it this time.
Now that we’ve discovered Dustin Diamond’s fondness for unsavory sex moves such as the “Dirty Sanchez”, we’re left wondering about what other Advanced Bedtime Maneuvers comprise the Marquis de Screech’s boot-knocking playbook? Luckily our shadowy network of operatives has delivered us this exclusive list of a few of Dustin’s favorite positions:
The Dick Belding: In which one performs a series of generally vile sex acts until their partner is forced to finally turn around and say, “Hey hey hey, what is going on here?”
The Zack Attack: Wherein you cover your junk with “LA Look” hair gel before sexually assaulting the passed out Valley Girl you scammed into coming back to your West Hollywood basement apartment.
The Bayside Tiger: When you’re about to orgasm, you suddenly scream out the Bayside Fight Song, which is, “Beat…b-b-b-b-beat…GO BAYSIDE!!!”
The Dirty Turtle: After having sex with some stuck-up snob, piss all over their trendy multi-colored clothing.