Britney Spears unveiled a new look for her website today. And, well… if Snakes on a Plane had a website equivalent, it would be BritneySpears.com. The site features a tiger’s head morphing Black or White-stizz into Britney’s sultry gaze. Only that when the twain faces meet, it isn’t sexy so much as it is a half-mongoloid/half-zombie looking to laid. Oh, right, and there’s growling. And it’s terrifying. Seriously, we had to take a Xanax. Plus, the site is only under construction! Cut to three months from now, when clicking on BritneySpears.com cues a man to jump out from your cubicle and slit your throat.
The good news? The only option right now on the site is to “Tell a Friend” or “Join the Club.” We’re not sure what sort of backward, baby-popping, gum-snapping, brink-of-breakdown club this is, but we’ll totally sign up if she makes us Historian.
How in the name of Hansel could a person manage to lose a “walk-off” with themself? While modeling for Heatherette during Fashion Week, Paris Hilton actually became so immersed in having her picture taken while spinning around at the end of the catwalk like a still-born ballerina, she actually forgot to bring her assigned piece of luggage back with her. Luckily, after filling out a few forms at the Delta counter backstage, the bag was safely returned a few days later. Paris – so not hot right now. (via Animal NY).
With the (glorious) nation of Kazakhstan all up in arms about Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat character again, we were curious what on Earth they’d be so upset about. Then we watched this 25-minute long compilation of the Best of Borat from the British Ali G show. Now we get it.
Still, can you believe our President is taking the time out of his day to discuss this guy? Yeah, we can too.
On Tuesday night’s Dancing with the Stars, Mario Lopez, i.e. A.C. Slater, i.e. Skidz-Curlz LaRue, claimed that he had no formal dance training. Well, it was as easy as reading his IMDB profile to learn that before his legenday role on Saved by the Bell, Lopez was trained as a dancer. (You can also read about what a cad he is, and why Ali Landry had her marriage annulled.) So was Lopez lying or telling the truth? We don’t want to sway your vote, but for arguments sake, check out this short clip of him doin’ his thang, and note how oddly petite he is.
The shady multinational blogging corporation known as Gawker Media has finally given the Internet what it has so desperately needed: a new music blog! If downloading unreleased under-ground over-hyped demo tracks from hordes of breathless bloggers just ain’t your bag, and you prefer experiencing your music along with some cynical snobbery and sarcasm, today is your lucky day because Idolator is live! So go poke around, learn a little about the indie rock, and let them know what you think (if they deign you worthy of commenting).
We never thought we’d say it, but poor Jessica Simpson. Paparazzi snapped a photo of her browing the magazine racks at her local supermarket, and lo and behold, there she is on the cover of Us Magazine with a huge “DUMPED” headline stamped by her face, like a mugshot of failure and heartache. And we still can’t decide what’s worse: Going to pick up some OJ and finding your deer-in-headlights expression on the cover of a checkout mag, or the realization that there is someone photographing you at the very moment you notice it.
In the scheme of “celebrities are actual people”, this picture kind of blows our minds. And for a brief moment, makes us pity her. No wonder she went ahead and bought 5 dozen roses for herself.
You know, if Meredith Scardino and Dave Hill made this commercial in Europe it wouldn’t seem all too weird. I’ve seen Shock Video 2000 on HBO. I know what those people are capable of. Evidentally these two are just as strange.
Link via The Apiary
If there’s one thing we hate, it’s hypocrisy. So when Dr. Laura Schlessinger, better known as the radio’s “Dr. Laura”, goes ahead and calls the typical American woman a slut… well, we stop playing “7 Minutes in Heaven” long enough to be offended. According to Page Six, Dr. Laura’s new book accuses women of selling themselves short, demanding that we at least be given a proper meal before going down on a stranger:
Now it is difficult to find the male who values virginity, purity and innocence when females dress like babes and perform oral sex and intercourse without even having to be fed dinner . . . Who cares about vows – after all, why buy the cow when the milk is free.
Yes. Indeed. Why buy the cow, when the milk is so slutty and free. In fact, if any gentlemen out there were interested in purchasing Dr. Laura, think again. Because that bitch’s milk is not only free, it’s plastered all over the internet. Get the children out of the room, lock your doors, and get ready to be scarred for life: Nude photos taken of Dr. Laura back in the 1970′s are only a Google search away. We could’ve linked you directly, but seriously, the pics are the definition of Noontown, U.S.A. And unless your celebrity vagina looks like corned beef in a paper shredder, we’re not interested.
This is some pretty hot cleavage. Anyone care to guess the owner of these kickin’ curves? The answer, along with the greatest nip slip of all time, can be found after the jump.
Many reality shows like the throw clever brooms in the plotline cogs, twists and turns that could somehow manipulate the outcome of the winner. Producers usually invent smart enough reasons for such plot devices. Which is why last night on Project Runway, when Heidi Klum reintroduced Vincent and Angela back into the competition, we were expecting a reasonable explanation. They could have blamed the shuffling on Keith‘s preemptive ousting, or perhaps the Parisian time difference. Instead, Heidi explained that the judges wanted to make sure they were choosing the most deserving designers into the final four slots. That also meant that three designers would be eliminated. But let’s be honest, eh? There is no way Vincent and Angela would be in the top four. The real reason for the shuffling was that there was little to no conflict between the remaining designers, i.e. no salt no pepper. Angela and Vincent were not brought back as designers, rather drama inducers. That being said, let’s take a look at the challenge. (/rant)(/html humor)
Last night’s challenge was to design a black and white dress. (a-SNOOZE) Seriously, another dress? Is this some sort of Heidi-Uli-German conspiracy? Don’t get me wrong, I love Uli, but if I have to see another rope halter, I hope it’s the one I hang myself with.
A recap of the episode’s winners and losers after the jump!