Two bits of news today have reinvigorated our faith in Hollywood and the whores that run it. Let’s get to the soul-crushing news first. 12-year-old Dakota Fanning, an actress who’s been in the business for 37 years, will be sucking more than human souls in her upcoming movie Hounddog. In an effort to blindside Oscar voters, Fanning will play a little girl who gets (Ed Note: Brace for shock) raped in one scene, and may appear nude in other scenes. Pardon us while we wash our eyesockets out with a flame thrower.
On the bright side, the world is bending over backwards at the news that Heath Ledger has been cast as the Joker in Christopher Nolan‘s upcoming Batman sequel. Heath Ledger and Christian Bale on screen together? I’m calling Brokeback chemistry! Check out our rendering of Heath as “The Joker” below — do you think Ledger can pull it off?
To those not familiar with Brit-Rock band Muse, here is a good way to describe them: They sound like Radiohead when Radiohead meant Radiohead and not a gaggle of robots armed with deadly bell noises. That is to say, you can listen to Muse all the live long day and never really get tired of the songs. After hearing their latest album, Black Holes and Revelations, the good news is they’re sticking to their Radiohead-ness and not drifting off into Martian-Synthesizer-Ville. To get an idea of their sound, check out this wacky video for their single “Knights of Cydonia”.
Wow. In just one day we’ve received so many responses to our latest Photoshop Contest that we have to share a few of our favorites with you. When you have the Sexiest Man Alive contorting himself on the floor with his mouth wide-open the possibilites are endless. Or so we’ve learned
Click below to see some of the entries. And click here to get your own McConaughey to work with.
We haven’t picked a winner yet, so keep on sending your submissions to email@example.com. Tomorrow we’ll choose a favorite and send whoever made it a sweet prize, so get to work. Good luck!
It’s 2:32 p.m., and you know what that means: Time for a round of Celebrity Math! Scroll down and see if you can guess what the equation adds up to. Here’s a hint: His upcoming movie should be renamed Unfunny Teen Comedies Must Die.
As if incessant product placement wasn’t bad enough, our friends in Hollywood are turning the tables and now placing their TV programs on products we use in our everyday lives – starting with regular old eggs! We think this is a marketing move of such sheer genius that we’ve taken it upon ourselves to suggest some other product tie-ins for some of television’s most popular shows, along with corresponding slogans – check them out!
American Idol – Earplugs
“Because sometimes you don’t want to hear things that are unpleasant.”
Rocky Balboa, the highly anticipated sixth sequel in the Rocky franchise, will be poorly enunciating its way to theaters this Christmas. But for those of you too pumped on roids to wait another six months for Sly Stallone‘s stair-climbing goodness, worry not. In Living Color had the comedic intuition to make their own Rocky 6 way back in 1990. You might need to drink some water while watching: Seeing Jim Carrey actually be funny is cause for an aneurysm. Also, we’re not sure what the deal is with those foreign-looking subtitles, but we pray that the real Rocky Balboa will follow suit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to slap some bracelets on my wrists and practice my Fly Girl routine.
GeoffreyG dropped a new Mario In MySpace cartoon. This time, Mario and Luigi debate the pros and cons of expanding your Top 8. This is, without a doubt, the funniest MySpace parody involving characters from 1980′s Nintendo games EVER. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
Got something of your own you want to share? Drop It now!
Everybody’s been telling me to check out It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on F/X. I’ve been hesitant. I’d like to keep my life long streak of never tuning in to F/X intact (except for that one time I accidentally turned it on and caught the second half of Encino Man ). Well, after watching this clip from last week’s episode, I think I’m going to have to break the streak. The show looks hilarious.
What else is on tonight? You have Big Brother on CBS, So You Think You Can Dance? on Fox, and America’s Got Talent on NBC. What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
Blender Magazine compiled a pretty accurrate list of the 25 Biggest Wusses Ever. Although number 2 on their list doesn’t make any sense: Nick Lachey. Wuss? No way. This is the same guy who was man enough to pick-up Jessica Simpson‘s laundry off of the ground. And he was totally making his trademarked “angry face” when he was doing it. And he can totally kick your ass… in a falsetto singing competition. So there.
Who do you think is the biggest wuss ever?
So here’s the video for “London Bridge”, Fergie’s first solo effort without the aid of her favorite Black Eyed Peas. Her lovely lady lumps are in full effect so I don’t have any complaints regarding the video… but the song. Oh, the song. What do you think? Watch it now.