SIZZLER: Thanks For the Memory Stick

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062405 Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie-thumb.jpgAccording to TMZ, Brangelina’s lawyers are furiously filing motions and torts to prevent these pictures (as well as these ones) of Shiloh’s baby shower, apparently taken from a stolen memory stick, from making their way around the internets. Considering their last unsuccessful battle against the viral nature of digital technology, the effort seems pretty futile. But the warning letter is still pretty threatening: apparently the Namibian government has already set up a secret “WiFi camp” where offending gossip bloggers will be imprisoned, beaten with their laptops, denied access to site stats, and forced to watch helplessly as Perez Hilton scoops them again and again for all of eternity.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Little Clicky

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clickposter.jpg1. If only Adam Sandler’s magical remote control had a button that would remind him to stick with flaming bags of poo and fist-fighting Bob Barker instead of making these overly sentimental pseudo-comedy cutesy crapfests – $40 million

2. It’s nice to know that SOME cars aren’t running out of gas this summer, despite the fact that a gallon of gas is approaching movie ticket prices. I bet if my Honda could talk, and it sounded like Larry the Cable Guy, it would say, “I need gas – Git ‘er done!” And I’d be all like, “I can’t, I just spent all my money seeing Adam Sandler play with a magical remote and make baby noises.” – $22.5 million

3. Could it be possible that the utter hilarity of seeing Jack Black do a Mexican accent whilst wearing ill-fitting tights hasn’t been getting the word-of-mouth buzz that the studios were banking on? – $12.1 million

4. I was going to make a joke about this movie, but then I realized that I’d never even heard of it before and know literally nothing about it. Seriously, is this another one of those 2-hour rap video movies Hype Williams likes to direct? – $9.4 million

5. The only thing fast or furious about this movie is how fast it’s speeding towards it’s finish line of forgotten irrelevancy – $9.2 million

PROPPED: Zelda Walk of Shame

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A walk of shame is never fun… unless of course, you’re Link, the elf from The Legend of Zelda. This video dropped by ZeldaWalkOfShame made me laugh more than once. It’s nice to know that our favorite video game characters have the same problems we do (audio kinda NSFW).

Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

While You Were Smuggling Fireworks

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  • There are lots of possible theories explaining why we still haven’t seen any pics of Suri Cruise: difficult-to-explain resemblance to E.T., the posthumous wishes of L. Ron, the fact that she probably doesn’t even exist because there’s no logical explanation for how she ever could have been conceived. But, as usual, the real explanation is the obvious one: the tabloids haven’t coughed up a big enough “donation” to charity the Church of Scientology.
  • According to tabloid reports, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s wedding ceremony this past weekend was “simple and intimate”. Baz Luhrmann, the wedding’s director, reportedly put together a quiet little ceremony featuring a parade of neon-painted elephants ridden by midget country singers doing a 20-minute musical medley of rare Frank Zappa B-sides played in ragtime, while fireworks shot out of best man Toby Keith’s shotgun/guitar.
  • After the unfortunate death of producer Aaron Spelling, some people are asking the question, “Where’s his daughter?” Tori, who had been publicly feuding with her parents in recent months, released a statement explaining that she just needs some time to privately mourn the loss of her place in her father’s will.
  • In “happier” grave-robbing news, E. Pierce Marshall – better known as Anna Nicole Smith’s mortal enemy in the battle for her dead husband’s billions – unexpectedly passed away this weekend, providing yet another example of how Anna Nicole is living, breathing proof that karma does not exist.
  • All deaths aside, this weekend’s truly tragic news comes to us from the world of music: Kevin Richardson, now approaching his 40′s, has finally decided to leave the Backstreet Boys, citing the problem of otherwise having to rename the group a decidedly creepier “Backstreet Middle-aged Guys”.

YOUTUBULAR: Everybody Loves It

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william shatner.jpgSure, you’ve loved YouTube ever since you first stumbled upon it while searching for SNL’s now-classic Lazy Sunday skit. But you’re cool and ahead of the curve– that’s to be expected. Recently, though, it seems like everybody else is discovering how amazing and magical YouTube can be. Last week Pitchforkmedia made a list of 100 Awesome Music videos with accompanying YouTube links that kept me from doing work for, no lie, about 6 1/2 hours straight. And now, today, The Sports Guy Bill Simmons has inducted 33 videos into the YouTube Hall of Fame. Don’t let his title fool you, the man tackles more than just sports. We’re talking everything from William Shatner’s rendition of “Rocket Man” to the trailer for The Karate Kid III. Go check it out now; I can’t think of a better way to start off the week.

Best Night Ever: Sunday, June 25th

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Robin Hopkins skipped a muggy, rainy city night by ducking into the Best Night Ever, featuring the profanity-riddled Deadwood, the Dustin Hoffman-riddled 200th Guest Special of Inside the Actor’s Studio, and the wholly unriddled Entourage.

Best of the Best Week Ever: Unlucky Penny

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kfedpenny.jpgBe sure to tune in for an all new episode of Best Week Ever tonight at 11pm and play this week’s drinking game! Everytime anyone makes a joke about or a reference to a racial stereotype, take a drink and feel guilty for laughing. Now, your Best Week in Review:

  • We fufilled our lifelong dream of meeting Kevin Federline, and all we have to show for it is an awkward interview and this icky feeling that no amount of showering could ever be able to cleanse.
  • It might have seemed strange that K-Fed would be so passionate about saving pennies, but we discovered they actually have quite a bit in common.
  • David Hasselhoff shouldn’t have to explain his tears to the likes of mere mortals, but he did anyway. That’s why he’s the Knight-Rider and you’re not.
  • Hollywood finally gets off it’s lazy ass and gives the people what they’ve always wanted: the reunion of The Coreys!
  • Kate Beckinsdale gives Jay Leno, and all his unsuspecting viewers, waaaaay too much information.
  • After meeting Kevin, we almost felt a little sorry for Britneywe said “almost”.
  • Angelina Jolie gave Anderson Cooper the juciest, most-anticipated boring interview ever.
  • Speaking of Angelina, help her decide which baby flavor she should try next!
  • And finally, sadly, BWE.tv writer Piper Weiss has decided to move on to bigger and more legitimate things in the world of print journalism, leaving Bob and me with no one to sexually harass but each other.

(Image via Gothamist)

CAPTION THIS! Kristin & Pooh

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Sure she’s hot, but even Pooh knows she’ll probably bang Christopher Robin the next time he gets his head stuck in the hunny jar.

Add your own Captions in the Comments now!

UPGRADE/ DOWNGRADE: Fake Celebrity Hair

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spearsblackhairinf3253pj2iw1.jpgSome celebrities can turn a wig into a veritable fashion statement(UPGRADE) while others just turn into Davy Crockett.(DOWNGRADE) Tell us which celebrity wigs are smoking hot and which wigs are smoking because they were just killed by hunters.

Straight Outta Waldorf!

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hilaryjoel.jpgStars say so much dumb sh*t that I usually don’t even bother posting about it, but this Hilary Duff gem was just too priceless to pass up. Taken from the Washington Post (via Dlisted), here is the teen starlet’s description of the boyfriend she bought at Hot Topic, Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden:

“He doesn’t socialize. He’s very real, like, he’s from a pretty ghetto place in Maryland. . . . I like that.”

Awesome. And where, precisely, are these Maryland mean streets of which she is so enamored? In what sort of crime-riddled neighborhood did young Joel have to survive the hopelessness of total poverty while dodging the bullets that were constantly whizzing by? Exactly what kind of place could produce a hardened badass so ice cold that he can wear eyeliner and act “tough” at the same time? The answer is found in two words that will send chills down your spine: Waldorf, Maryland. It’s the “shopping capital of southern Maryland”, and it’s where Joel Madden grew up.