SIZZLER: Another Day, Another Beaten Maid

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naomiT.jpgThere is a special breed of celebrities who, whether they consciously realize it or not, have some sort of pathological need to repeat the same bad behavior over and over again, no matter how much negative attention it brings them. Pete Doherty, Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr., Paris Hilton – all repeat offenders of assorted naughtiness. And just as you roll your eyes reading about Pete’s weekly crack arrest, such is the response to Naomi Campbell and her repeated assaults on her employees. That’s right, yet ANOTHER of the supermodel’s ex-employees has come forward and accused Campbell of physical and verbal abuse. I am utterly convinced that even picking up Naomi’s drycleaning is a job far more dangerous and deadly than anything the special forces see on the front lines of Fallujah. Be warned.

While You Were Busy Cancelling Your Vacation to Beirut…

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  • Lindsay Lohan claims that “redheads are great in bed.” Listen, Lindsay, we get it, you have flames shooting out of your crotch, ok? Enough, already, we’ve all got our party tricks.
  • Chevy Chase calls Vince Vaughn a “refrigerator repairman“. Vince Vaughn tips Chevy Chase $100 for cleaning his windshield.
  • Jewel admits a debilitating addiction… to drug stores. Probably because it’s the only place she can still hear her music played.
  • Paris Hilton Craves Children“. OMG, it’s gonna be soooo hot when she eats her own young, you guys.
  • Astronauts next week will debut a new NASA device that turns urine into breathable air. And R. Kelly just announced that he is to become the first rapper in space.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, July 13th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, July 13th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night tv, including Master of Champions, So You Think You Can Dance?, and America’s Got Talent!

…Of The Day

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  • KNOCKOUT: When Nick & Aaron Carter fight nobody wins. Or everybody does, depending on how violent it gets. (D-Listed)
  • A DAY IN THE LIFE: This video is a thousand times better than Chaotic ever was. (Popbytes)
  • MOTHER/DAUGHTER BONDING: Pink’s mom watches her daughter get her nipple pierced. How cute. (Stereogum)
  • NOT SO POWERFUL POWER COUPLE: Andy Samburg & Kirsten Dunst. You knew that already, but now it’s kind of official. Um. Hooray? (WWTDD)
  • SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH: James Gandolfini’s recent knee surgery will push the final season of The Sopranos back two months. So that means we have to wait even longer for nothing interesting to happen. (Gawker)

The Great Urkel Hunt!

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steve_urkel.jpgThose crazy drunken kids over at CollegeHumor are tired of everybody’s obsession with seeing the first pictures of so-called human baby Suri Cruise, so they’ve decided to reach into their deep pockets and offer $1000 of their beer money as a reward to the first person who sends them recent footage of a celebrity they (and we) would actually like to see – Steve Urkel himself, Mr. Jaleel White! But winning won’t be as easy as you think, because you can’t simply send in a video clip you pulled off a Vh1 “Where are they now?” show – Urkel has to be holding a dated newspaper to prove that the footage is actually recent. So put on your sitcom-star-stalking shoes, cruise the Hollywood unemployment lines, hunt down Urkel and get yourselves paid!

Jeff Goldblum: Putting the “Camp” in “Concentation Camp”

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goldblum.JPGIn a completely unprecedented move, casting directors have chosen Jeff Goldblum to play a Jewish man. Adam Resurrected, directed by American Gigolo auteur Paul Schrader, has Goldblum playing a circus clown sent to a Nazi prison camp, and kept alive thanks to his hilarious barrack antics. Goldblum will have a lot to starve up to, following Roberto Benigni‘s Oscar-winning turn in Life Is Beautiful, as a father who uses humor to protect his son, even though Benigni ends up (spoiler alert!) dying anyway. Not to sound too callous regarding this project, but camman… Jeff Goldblum? Really, it’s insulting. It would be so nice if Hollywood could stop for a second, think outside of the lox, and choose an actor who doesn’t evoke a season’s worth of Seinfeld neuroses in a single, quickly exhaled sigh.

No word if Goldblum’s current squeeze Nicole Richie will be appearing as one of the prisoners.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • myselfmyself has the full version of the first released track off the highly anticipated new album from The Killers. See what all the hot fuss is about, then tell us what you think.
  • Heartache With Hard Work has a few more tracks from that Sufjan Stevens Illinois out-takes album, which amazingly happens to be better than most people’s regular albums.
  • Rock Insider has the inside track on several listen-worthy indie bands, including a track from the new Sonic Youth record.
  • EC,EU has a catchy tune from buzz band Oh No! Oh My! that will make you want to shake it like a Polaroid picture.
  • Pull up a barstool next to the Aquarium Drunkard and mellow out old school with a vintage collection of outtakes from a David Crosby recording session back in 1970.

Reality Stars Are MySpace Cases, Too!

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30344_myspace_logo.JPGHow many times have you watched attention-starved reality ‘stars’ trading their dignity for fame on your favorite shows and thought to yourself, “Gee, I really wish I could get know these people a little bit better, perhaps through an Internet friendship.”? Well today is your lucky day, because the guest blogger over at Jane Magazine has done the legwork for you and provided this extensive list of MySpace profiles for cast members from a number of reality shows including Survivor, The Real World, and America’s Next Top Model. So if you’ve ever wanted to tell Pumkin from Flavor of Love just what an inspiring beacon of classiness you think she is, give her an add and leave comments until your heart is content! Before you know it, your top 8 could look like a cast from The Surreal Life. Desperate fame-whores need MySpace friends, too – so get out there and help them keep it real!

Sunni Days, Keeping the Sand Away…

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elmo.jpgSesame Street is well-known for covering issues parents may find difficult to discuss with children. New siblings, the death of a loved one, Mommy’s drinking problem… no issue is too sensitive. Now, a Sesame Street DVD being distributed to military families next month will try to answer the difficult questions kids often ask during wartime, such as, “How long will Daddy be gone?” and “How come gas costs $6.50 a gallon?”

The DVD will revolve around Elmo‘s father being deployed to a mysterious, unknown place (presumably not the Springfield of The Simpsons fame) and will focus on Elmo’s feelings throughout the ordeal. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be a muppet in Iraq? Your fur constantly matted, no lids to keep the sand out of your humongous, googly eyes, your body temp climbing to upwards of 155 degrees? It must be nice to get out of your cushy, tree-lined neighborhood every now and again, but the Middle East? One thing we know for sure: Neither Bert nor Ernie will be joining the military anytime soon.