Now that the dust has finally settled on the set of The Tonight Show after last week’s onstage confrontation of Colin Farrell by his assumed stalker, we’ve finally been able to get the other side of the story straight from the
horse’s crazy person’s mouth. You should check out her entire rambling manifesto, but here’s a little sample of the fun:
“The camera that we strolled pass was still taping at the time because the red light was still on and it turned with us as we walked by obviously still recording colin and I interacting. The whole studio was quite and no one was alarmed, because Colin’s reaction was too inviting toward seeing me. Security never came over to us, and Mr. Leno never moved from his seat nor summons his security because Colin was talking to me comfortably with his whole arm draped around me extreamly close.
COLIN FARRELL NEVER TOUCHED MY ELBOW AND SUMMONED GUARDS.”
Now that her rhetorical genius has whet your appetite for lunacy, head over to her MySpace page and rock out to the single she recorded, which will obviously be the breakout hit of the summer – “Colin Farrell Is My Bitch”.
Barbara Walters just keeps going and going and going. Give this woman a black co-host (not named Star Jones) and she’s bound to do something embarrassing. After the way she harrassed Brandy and pulled on Tanika Ray‘s hair, you’d think she would’ve learned her lesson by now. Well, she hasn’t. Cue Mo’Nique.
So what did Barbara learn from Mo’Nique on The View today?
1) Black women DO NOT shave their legs
2) Black women DO shave their underarms
3) Black women DO NOT appreciate it when you call their children “creatures”
4) Black women DO NOT enjoy being double teamed by two old white women
What an episode. Future co-hosts, you’ve been warned: You come and go- they stay. They. Stay.
Crush-of-the-Day Daniel Henney, the Zoolander of Asia, takes on Gwyneth Paltrow in a 2005 commercial for the appropriately named Bean Pole International clothing line. The two were back in London this week filming another commercial, but in case you missed the first one, here it is. It’s too bad Chris Martin is in the picture — these two would birth a litter of Benetton models if given the chance.
Obsessed Project Runway folks, listen up. Those of you wondering what the cursive tattoo on contestant Jeffrey Sebelia‘s monster-neck says cab putt your D-Bag Decoder Rings down: People Mag cracked the case! The illegible scrawling says “Harrison Detroit”, the name of Jeffrey’s son, with “l’amor de la mia vita” underneath (translation: “is the love of my life”). While the sentiment may be nice, what’s gonna happen in a few years when little Harrison grows up to be the troubled son of a failed reality show designer, preferring life on the streets to that of the runway? We imagine Sebelia could always change “Harrison Detroit” to “Harrison Ford“, and just tell people that Hollywood Homicide is his favorite movie ever. (Update: Jeffrey’s son is adoooorable. If we weren’t completely sterile, we’d tattoo his name on our necks also.)
Thanks to Cornelius Danger (hopefully his real name) for sending this ridiculous Matthew McConaughey gif. I think it’s safe to say that nothing is going to top this. Ever.
To see some of our favorite (motionless) Photoshop entries, click here, here, and here.
Have you guys seen David Beckham lately? No, I mean really seen him? Well, it’s clear the guy is drop dead gorge, but pictures surfacing at A Socialite’s Life have us wondering if David Beckham is, in fact, a buffalo wing. See for yourself:
Apparently Paris Hilton’s neighbors have finally had enough.
Leave your Captions in the Comments. (Oh, and to learn where this sign actually came from, read this f’d up story.)
When we first found out that Jawbone Sally, aka Jodie Foster, was “together” (air quotes signifying relations of the sexual nature) with bombshell Kim Basinger, we thought “Move over, Oprah and Gayle! There’s a new lesbian sherriff in town!” An Ebay listing for a “Dirt Alert” sent to an employee at the David Hockney studios confirmed that the two A-list actresses were indeed an item, albeit way back when in 1989. While the news may seem surprising, color us unimpressed. You just know Foster is hiding a thicket of Baldwin-esque chest hair, and would no doubt kick his ass in a wife-beating competition.
In other lesbian news, Jake Gyllenhaal is slated to play Lance Armstrong in his upcoming biopic. So that explains their undeniable sexual chemistry!
Have you ever wondered what happened behind the scenes at New York’s second most popular newspaper (and single most popular newspaper that features fun headlines like Gretzky & Betzky)? Me neither. But Tabloid Wars looks like it’s going to be a cool show anyway. Cameras followed Daily News reporters and photographers last summer as they covered the… daily news. Is it timely? Not even close. Will it be entertaining anyway? I guess we find out tonight.
So what else is on? If you like country music you know the CMA Music Festival airs tonight, if you’re a Kyra Sedgwick fan you know that The Closer is on, and if you’re a fan of ABC Family shows that feature a lead character with no belly-button, I assume you’ll be watching Kyle XY. So what are you watching? Vote now!
This might be the greatest news I’ve gotten all day. Apparently The Hoff is planning on producing and starring in a Broadway show simply entitled David Hasselhoff: the Musical, which the Hoff has described as “a heart-rendering set on my life and the mistakes I have made”. I didn’t even know the Hoff was capable of making mistakes! But in all sincerity, not even Charlie Kaufman could have come up with an idea so absurdly brilliant as the story of the Hoff’s battles with alcoholism and fame set to the swinging sounds of Teddy Pendergrass (that part’s not a joke). But why stop at musicals? Now that I think about it, there should pretty much be an official David Hasselhoff everything – the breakfast cereal, the video game, the cable network, the action figure (empty bottle of Jameson accessory sold seperately).