90′s Supermodels Linda Evanglista and Christy Turlington are trying their damndest to stay relevant, speaking out on the types of world issues Angelina Jolie could only dream of: Botox. Evangelista, who is slowly morphing into the corpse of Walt Disney, claims that while she is Pro-tox, she still would â€œlike to keep some movement in my face.â€ Yeah, that’s always a good idea. Christy Turlington, appearing at a pro-facial-expression drum circle, says she loves her aged, barely wrinkled, pampered face. Not that any of this matters anyway — those old hags will never work in this town again.
So who do you think is right? Melt-face or Perma-grimace?
If only this could really happen. If only. *Sigh* We can dream.
When George Michael sang the words “Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body, I know not everybody has got a body like you” in 1987, I never thought that he was singing about middle aged pot-bellied men. Shows what I know.
America’s second favorite George Michael was caught emerging from the bushes in a London park following a casual encounter with a 58-year-old unemployed van driver. The singer was furious at the paparazzi for taking his picture, carelessly
whispering yelling at them, “Are you gay? No? Then f*** off! This is my culture!” and “I’m a free man, I can do whatever I want,” which is the most poignant thing he’s said about the issue of Freedom since 1990.
Making the whole incident even more humiliating, George’s one-night father figure was quoted as saying “I don’t even like George Michael.” A low blow, for sure, but I’m pretty sure it won’t deter George from having more anonymous gay sex in the future. At least, I hope it doesn’t. I guess you gotta have faith.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, July 23rd! Alan is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including Chappelle’s Show, Deadwood, and Entourage!
- Project Runway faces its biggest scandal yet. That is, until the world discovers that Heidi Klum‘s accent is totally fake.
- Britney Spears beholds the beauty of a tiger. A good-for-nothing, unemployed, white bengal tiger with cornrows, surely.
- Barbara Walters doesn’t understand Black women’s hair. Even Hugh Downs is like “Whaaat an iiiidiot.”
- BWE Presents: 1,001 Ways to Photoshop Matthew McConaughey Into Embarassing Situations
- Jason Mews kicks his heroine habit and immediately transforms into Christian Bale.
- Lindsay Lohan, David Spade and Kid Rock prove that the fighting in the Middle East is not the only sign of the impending apocalypse.
To check out all the other happenings this week, make sure to watch Best Week Ever tonight at 11! And do take a sip of alcohol any and every time a reference to poop (or crap) is made. Don’t question it, just trust us.
If only I would have known that Hugh Jackman‘s jeans were for sale!! Some lucky guy-slash-gal picked up a pair of Jackman’s dungarees for a mere $22,476 — which, the way I see it, is only a dollar a day if you were to wear the jeans daily for the next 61.5 years. That is assuming the buyer will actually wear them, and not just perform the obligatory crotch-sniff as a daily wake-up call. Nicole Kidman‘s pants went for only $8,200, likely because the only person who can fit into them is a 6-foot-tall 3-month-old.
The good news: It’s still not too late to buy Matthew McConaughey’s car! Bidding is already up to a moderate $47,000. Hopefully the buyer of Jackman’s jeans can get his hands on the car as well, as the combination of the two items together would no doubt blow up the universe’s collective Gaydar.
Thanks to everybody who entered the Matthew McConaughey Working It Out Photoshop Contest. We received so many great entries, we actually spit coffee all over our keyboards on more than one occasion. It was hard picking a winner, but we’re going with this Super McConaughey entry from Alta Bender. I’m not sure if we picked it because it looks good or because we like the idea of the Sexiest Man Alive flying overhead and stopping crime, but either way Congratulations.
Click here and click below to see more of our favorites. Thanks again for entering… and thank you Matthew… for doing whatever the hell it is you’re doing.
We’re waist deep in the summer movie season. We’ve had Super men and Pirates of the Caribbean and Adam Sandler clicking things. We’ve had Devils wearing Prada and we’ve had lots and lots of Cars. We’ve had a lot of big hits and a couple of big flops, and guess what: I haven’t seen any of them.
It’s true. I’ve yet to hit the multiplex this summer. I’m not proud of this, so I’ve vowed to go see a movie or three this weekend. But the question is, which ones should I go see? Should I rock out with You, Me and Dupree or walk out on Clerks II? I need help.
Which movies are YOU going to check out this weekend? Vote now.