The Great Urkel Hunt!

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steve_urkel.jpgThose crazy drunken kids over at CollegeHumor are tired of everybody’s obsession with seeing the first pictures of so-called human baby Suri Cruise, so they’ve decided to reach into their deep pockets and offer $1000 of their beer money as a reward to the first person who sends them recent footage of a celebrity they (and we) would actually like to see – Steve Urkel himself, Mr. Jaleel White! But winning won’t be as easy as you think, because you can’t simply send in a video clip you pulled off a Vh1 “Where are they now?” show – Urkel has to be holding a dated newspaper to prove that the footage is actually recent. So put on your sitcom-star-stalking shoes, cruise the Hollywood unemployment lines, hunt down Urkel and get yourselves paid!

Jeff Goldblum: Putting the “Camp” in “Concentation Camp”

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goldblum.JPGIn a completely unprecedented move, casting directors have chosen Jeff Goldblum to play a Jewish man. Adam Resurrected, directed by American Gigolo auteur Paul Schrader, has Goldblum playing a circus clown sent to a Nazi prison camp, and kept alive thanks to his hilarious barrack antics. Goldblum will have a lot to starve up to, following Roberto Benigni‘s Oscar-winning turn in Life Is Beautiful, as a father who uses humor to protect his son, even though Benigni ends up (spoiler alert!) dying anyway. Not to sound too callous regarding this project, but camman… Jeff Goldblum? Really, it’s insulting. It would be so nice if Hollywood could stop for a second, think outside of the lox, and choose an actor who doesn’t evoke a season’s worth of Seinfeld neuroses in a single, quickly exhaled sigh.

No word if Goldblum’s current squeeze Nicole Richie will be appearing as one of the prisoners.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • myselfmyself has the full version of the first released track off the highly anticipated new album from The Killers. See what all the hot fuss is about, then tell us what you think.
  • Heartache With Hard Work has a few more tracks from that Sufjan Stevens Illinois out-takes album, which amazingly happens to be better than most people’s regular albums.
  • Rock Insider has the inside track on several listen-worthy indie bands, including a track from the new Sonic Youth record.
  • EC,EU has a catchy tune from buzz band Oh No! Oh My! that will make you want to shake it like a Polaroid picture.
  • Pull up a barstool next to the Aquarium Drunkard and mellow out old school with a vintage collection of outtakes from a David Crosby recording session back in 1970.

Reality Stars Are MySpace Cases, Too!

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30344_myspace_logo.JPGHow many times have you watched attention-starved reality ‘stars’ trading their dignity for fame on your favorite shows and thought to yourself, “Gee, I really wish I could get know these people a little bit better, perhaps through an Internet friendship.”? Well today is your lucky day, because the guest blogger over at Jane Magazine has done the legwork for you and provided this extensive list of MySpace profiles for cast members from a number of reality shows including Survivor, The Real World, and America’s Next Top Model. So if you’ve ever wanted to tell Pumkin from Flavor of Love just what an inspiring beacon of classiness you think she is, give her an add and leave comments until your heart is content! Before you know it, your top 8 could look like a cast from The Surreal Life. Desperate fame-whores need MySpace friends, too – so get out there and help them keep it real!

Sunni Days, Keeping the Sand Away…

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elmo.jpgSesame Street is well-known for covering issues parents may find difficult to discuss with children. New siblings, the death of a loved one, Mommy’s drinking problem… no issue is too sensitive. Now, a Sesame Street DVD being distributed to military families next month will try to answer the difficult questions kids often ask during wartime, such as, “How long will Daddy be gone?” and “How come gas costs $6.50 a gallon?”

The DVD will revolve around Elmo‘s father being deployed to a mysterious, unknown place (presumably not the Springfield of The Simpsons fame) and will focus on Elmo’s feelings throughout the ordeal. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be a muppet in Iraq? Your fur constantly matted, no lids to keep the sand out of your humongous, googly eyes, your body temp climbing to upwards of 155 degrees? It must be nice to get out of your cushy, tree-lined neighborhood every now and again, but the Middle East? One thing we know for sure: Neither Bert nor Ernie will be joining the military anytime soon.

It’s July 13th; What’s up?

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pat k.jpgWho else is getting addicted to The World Series of Pop Culture?

I’ve been trying not to write about it. Since BWE is a VH1 show and so is WSoPC, I didn’t want you to think I was trying to plug it because I had to. I don’t. In fact, I did my best to completely avoid it at first. But just the other night I stumbled upon it and found myself yelling at the TV, “It’s License To Ill! License To Ill was the first rap album to go to Number 1!” That’s when I realized I was in trouble. I know I’m going to watch this damn competition until it ends, if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I do in fact know more than everybody on the show. Because I do. Because I’m awesome. Deal with it.

So what else is on tonight? Well, you have Windfall, a solid Office repeat, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia and a whole lot more. What are YOU watching? Vote now!

ICYMI: Commanding the Commander-in-Chief

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If you’re like me, you’ve probably wondered exactly what motivates George W. Bush to be so…Bushy. Well, this German TV show did a little investigating and what they discovered hilariously answers a lot of questions. Check it out!

Bad News For Texas Teens Who Want to Shine

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Several major schoolboards in Texas have officially banned students from wearing any sort of mouth jewelry, which is a white person way of saying “icy grillz”. Made popular by rapper Paul Wall, and recently sported by the Hulkster’s daughter Brooke Hogan, icy grillz are a classy way for people to improve their smiles by covering all of their teeth with what appears to be precious metals and expensive stones. Not only does the shiny jewelry make your smile sparkle even brighter, it suggests to others that you are financially sucessful enough to wear expensive jewelry in places that people hadn’t even considered possible. Why the Texas schools would elect to outlaw these accessories is a mystery to me. If anything, I think icy grillz would only motivate students to work harder and learn more so that someday they might get a good job and be able to afford dental jewelry of their own. Also, with all the violence in schools these days, icy grillz might be able to protect students should they get punched in the mouth (perhaps by someone who thinks icy grillz are retarded). The good news is even though icy grillz have been outlawed, students are still free to bring the bling by wearing chains, rings, ropes, watches, earrings and canes. Goblets are also acceptable, as long as they’re not filled with crunk juice.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Dog Days of Summer

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paris2.jpegBefore babies became Hollywood’s hot new fashion accessory, most stars kept their parental endeavors limited to their pets. And even throughout Hollywood’s recent birth boom, celebs still manage to find the time to get themselves photographed while walking their dogs. While some famous pooch-lovers have fetching doggystyle (UPGRADE), others look like they should be taken to the pound (DOWNGRADE). Tell us which of these stars are improved by their puppies, and which ones just look like a dogface.