THE DAILY DOUCHE: Requiem For a Douche


nakedmodeldouche.jpgI bet when this guy left his friends and family back in Ohio, he was like, “I’m going to Hollywood to be a big movie star, just like Brad Pitt!” And now here he is on a balmy day in Long Beach, shivering next to some off-duty lower-back-branded stripper, miserably cupping his shriveled junk in his hands whilst the lesser-known Hilton sister has her fully-clothed picture taken to launch the branding campaign for the “Nicky O” hotel chain her daddy gave her. All those acting classes and modeling lessons are really paying off now, aren’t they, Sir Laurence Olivier? I mean, without your flaccid man bits hanging about there, how else will weary travelers know that Nicky O is the one hotel that really lets you whore it up? Put this in your portfolio, fierce-nuts: you’re today’s Daily Douche!

ICYMI: Liza Minnelli and David Gest’s Unaired Pilot


We are completely obsessed with all programming happening over at VH1 (it’s nearly bonus time, OK?), and can’t help but feel really let down that the following nugget o’geen, The Liza Minnelli and David Gest Show, i.e. Newlyweds III: The Horror, never made it to air. (Their divorce may or may not have played a part.) Check out the first 10 minutes of show below (it might be all you’ll need), but if you’re feeling particularly Unfrozen-Caveman-Lawyerish, you can see Part II and Part III by clicking on the part you’d like to see.

LISTEN UP: Pussy Cats & Dolls



  • Aquarium Drunkard makes us horny with a couple of the tracks from The Walkmen’s cover tribute album of Harry Nilsson’s Pussy Cats.
  • I wouldn’t call Lady Sov & Missy “dolls”, but I would go download their joint track over at Gorilla vs Bear.
  • MOKB has a great song off the new Ben Kweller record – and chance for you to win a signed copy of it!
  • Amerie continues purring on another leaked track from Idolator.
  • Nerd Litter wishes you’d be a doll and shut the f*ck up so they can listen to Califone in peace!

PROPPED: The More You Know (About The Office)



Much thanks to gossiphound for dropping this link and directing us over to the Office-tastic Give Me My Remote. This site has everything you need to properly prepare you for tonight’s episode: clips from the show, links to various castmembers’ blogs & MySpace pages, a video clip of Jim on Ellen, the Angela fan club, and much, much more.

So if you’re a fan of The Office, head on over there. If you’re not… well, then go talk to your idiot friends about The Mind Of Mencia or something.

Got something you want us to check out? Drop it now!

OJ “Hypothetically” Dances on Dead Wife’s Grave


OJbook.jpgAccording to MSNBC, murdering football legend Orange Juice Simpson has reportedly been paid 3.5 million dollars to a write a book called If I Did It, described as a “hypothetical” confession of the crimes he “hypothetically” could have committed, including disturbingly accurate “hypothetical” descriptions of the non-hypothetical murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her boyfriend Ron Goldman. However, Simpson will not have to worry about a hypothetical scenario in which he would have to share his blood money with the families of the people he hypothetically murdered, as he plans on spending the payment as quickly as possible. We wish The Juice the best as he burns in hell. Hypothetically, of course.

Project Runway: It’s a M*thahF***ing Walkoff!


1MARILINDA21.JPGIn case you ever forgot, Heidi Klum was always there to remind you: Project Runway was not only a designer showdown, but for the models, it “was a contest for [them] as well.” An incredibly unpaid contest, that is. As reported in US Magazine, Michael Knight‘s model Clarissa Anderson confessed that while the exposure was good, the models were unpaid for their time on the show. And the time commitment involved made taking other jobs/soft-core pornos nearly impossible:

Just doing (Project Runway) and not being able to do other jobs while doing that was hard for me. I had to beg my parents for money because I simply had no income at all. They say, it’s good exposure and everyone’s going to see you; just think of all the jobs you’ll get. I haven’t gotten many jobs because of it — like , none.

Looks like Clarissa is going to have to earn her money the old-fashioned way: Marrying/divorcing old guys. Though in a twisted case of Chinese water torture, the one thing PR producers didn’t skimp on was the catering table, keeping the models “well-fed” through their 12-hour days. Excuse us for a minute… (cough*LOL*cough)

The winner of the challenge was Jeffrey’s model Marilinda, seen left. She always reminded us of a Precious Moments doll, big sad eyes that just love to cry. We were praying for Nazri, Uli’s model, to take it. Nazri = THE FIERCENESS. And that concludes the gayest thing I’ll say today.

SIMI-LEBRITIES: Top Chef Gets X-citing!


I happen to be of the opinion that there are three types of people in the world – people who watch Project Runway (super-social flamboyant types), people who watch Top Chef (Hobbit-like homebodies) and people who don’t watch either of them (joy-hating snores). As a proud member of the Top Chef category, I was embarassingly excited about last night’s premiere of season 2. Especially when I discovered the addition of a mutant with super-human powers in contestant Marcel (some say the new Stephen). This casting twist raises so many questions! Are adamantium knives cheating? If he gets sent home, will they tell him to pack his claws? And worse, will he get angry and slice that smug grin off Tom Colicchio’s face?


ABC News All Over This Whole “Chuck Norris” Thing


Chuck Norris.jpgYou have to love the mainstream media- always jumping on things when they’re HOT!

Yesterday, ABC News reported on this crazy phenomenon involving B-movie actor Chuck Norris. Apparently, there’s a website that generates random “facts” about the man… and oh boy, are they good for a chuckle!

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk, and kill. There is no chin under the Chuck Norris beard, just another fist. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands: They are now known as “The Islands.”

These are just a few of the thousands of Chuck Norris “facts” found on dozens of Internet sites that draw hundreds of millions of hits.

I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna check out these interweb sites lickity split! Thank God we have ABC keeping us up to speed on what the kids are up to nowadays. Be sure to tune into their special report tomorrow about a new social networking site that’s all the rage with teenagers: Friendster.