How Not To Alienate That Guy From TV

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david cross.jpgIf you’re frequenting this site (and you didn’t get here by randomly googling “firecrotch”, pervert), you’re probably a big fan of celebrities. You may have even, at one point or another, fantasized about what you would say if you ever ran into a celebrity. Or you may have actually approached a celebrity and completely embarrassed yourself because you said the wrong thing. Don’t worry- it happens. Quite often, it seems, according to David Cross’ recent article in New York magazine: Where Do I Know You From? How not to alienate That Guy from TV.

“my first and foremost guideline to dealing with celebrities: If you don’t know who he is, ask your friend. Or a stranger. Don’t ask him. And certainly don’t ask him to keep listing his résumé until you realize he’s the guy from Blade of Innocence 2 who lost his shoe and got killed by the vampire with outer-space AIDS.”

Hey, it happens to the best of us. Even our good friend Lindsay, who actually created a law after approaching David Cross on a booze-fueled night. If only more Americans embraced David’s Law, maybe Mr. Cross and other celebrities would be safe. Maybe. Just maybe…

PROPPED: Paris Parodied

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parisscreencap.JPGAs if Paris Hilton’s video for “Stars Are Blind” wasn’t emotionally scarring enough, reader geoffryg dropped this horrific parody video in which the part of Paris is played by a man with too much hair and not nearly enough clothing. I can’t decide whether it’s more funny or disturbing, but it’s probably worth a look either way. Also, if you missed it the first time, check out our own “pop-slut” parody from a few weeks ago – and keep dropping us this great stuff!

ICMYI: Kate Beckinsdale Is A Super Soaker

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Last weekend on Jay Leno, Kate Beckinsdale inexplicably chose to share a charming anecdote about her abilities to breast feed – sometimes at shockingly great distances. See for yourselves, but maybe not while you’re eating.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Happy Birthday, Information Leafblower. Head over there now, wish them a happy b-day, and download Cracker’s “Happy Birthday to Me.”
  • The bassist of the Arctic Monkeys quit on the band (a mere 2 months after America did.) Check out Metro Distortion to find out “Who The F*** Are The Arctic Monkeys.”
  • Everything about the Out Hud track BadmintonStamps posted today is huge. The length of the song (11:35) and the title: “Dear Mr. Bush, There Are Over 100 Words For S**t And Only 1 For Music. F**k You, Out Hud.”
  • On Cyprus Ave posted a bunch of tracks today, including songs by The Pipettes, Muse and Regina Spektor.
  • The quality isn’t great, but it’s still worth a listen: The Rocksuckers features The Strokes covering “Take A Walk On The Wild Side.” And the colored girls go do doo do doo do…

Nicotine Water Saves Smokers From Quitting

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nicwater.jpgIt breaks my heart to see smokers quitting because they can’t smoke in public places. Sure the nic fits are twitchy and uncomfortable, but if you really love something you shouldn’t abandon it just because it gets hard. But luckily smoking just got a little easier. A California company just developed NicLite, a brand of bottled water infused with the nicotine of two cigarettes, so you never have to give up what you truly love. Now sold in select airports, these little water bottles are perfect for long flights, restaurants or overnight stays with the parents. And hey, how bad can it be for you? It’s water. (unless it’s unfiltered water, who knows what’s in that?)

It’s June 20th; What’s up?

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tnbc.jpgLaguna Beach… for adults. It’s an idea that sounds too good to be true… or too good to be good. I missed Tuesday Night Book Club last week, but I’m not going to make that mistake twice. There’s nothing I like more than fake reality shows that are shot to look like real fake shows. That’s why I’ll be tuning in tonight.

Speaking of fake reality shows, tonight we’re also blessed with Queer Eye: Vegas, Jamie Kennedy’s Blowin’ Up, Janice Dickinson’s Modeling Agency and Fear Factor: Reality Stars. Throw in The Real World, Last Comic Standing and Kathy Griffin: My Life on The D-List, and that’s more reality than one person can handle.

If reality isn’t your thing, you can always turn to Rescue Me and/or the NBA Finals. What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

Feeling Sorry For Britney?

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pinkissorry.jpgToday I stumbled across this AOL blog entry that features a bunch of e-cards from bloggers, apologizing to Britney Spears for making fun of her, presumably after seeing her big Crying Game with Matt Lauer, then feeling wracked with guilt upon realizing that the object of their constant ridicule is actually little more than a barefoot country girl from the bayou held prisoner inside the cruel life of an international pop superstar. Well, after some serious introspection, we gave in and decided to create our own message for the tormented signer, which you can see after the jump.

UPDATE: The AOL blog included our message!

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David Blaine and the New York Challenge

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david_blaine.jpgDavid Blaine is coming back to New York, with yet another death-defying traffic-stopping stunt that will captivate the city. After recently floating in a fishbowl for a week in the Lincoln Center, he now plans to spread the love to the Brooklyn Bridge, where he will hang 135 feet above the water for any number of days.

Sure it will look cool, but in all honestly nothing he’s done so far has been half as challenging as just living in New York. If his greatest feat is to keep calm and withstand long bouts of pressure and discomfort, we’ve got that in the bag. And unlike Blaine, after paying rent, we can’t afford to pay for an on-call physician. I mean if he’s going to be doing his stunts in New York, he might as well step up. After the jump, I challenge Blaine to survive any one of the following stunts we city folk attempt daily:
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CAPTION THIS: Soul Plane Patrol

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This picture of Taylor Hicks and Snoop Dogg performing together was taken last weekend at the Birmingham City Stages concert. Um, why why why why why? See more shots and some shakey, grainy video after the jump – and leave us your captions (or horrified reactions) in the comments:

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SIZZLER: K-Fed Likes Making Kids, Not So Much Helping Them

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kfedmiami.jpgAccording to this report in the NY Daily News, a few months ago Kevin Federline promised to “help a children’s charity on every stop of his promotional tour to support his upcoming CD”. According to his publicist (funny that he has one and Britney doesn’t):

“Every city he visits, he’s going to visit a charity that benefits children … whether that’s handing out toys to children at hospitals or whatever.” Lopez added: “He’s doing it now through August.”

Interesting, because last weekend while he was in Miami to play his crappy music at some crappy nightclub and drink Cristal champagne his pregnant wife probably paid for, Kevin found the time to party with his friends and take Britney and Sean Preston to the beach, but no time for children’s charity. So is Kevin’s word worth as little as he is, or are his deadbeat friends and knocked up wife his ideas of “charity”?