Are you ready for some
football uncorroborated bomb threats??? From CNN:
The Department of Homeland Security has sent an advisory to the National Football League and local officials advising of a possible, uncorroborated bomb threat against some NFL stadiums.
The threat, posted on a Web site, alleges that dirty bombs could be used this weekend against seven stadiums — in Miami, New York, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The bombs were to be delivered by truck, the posting said.
Houston? Oakland? Miami? Cleveland? It’s clear: Terrorists hate s**tty football teams. Somebody rush the Arizona Cardinals into a bunker, ASAP.
Of course, the big question that stems from this whole thing: if one of your fantasy football players is in a stadium when it’s attacked, how does that impact your waiver wire position? Because you know, if I lose my Tight End before halftime and I’m unable to sub somebody in, I’m not going to be happy.
It’s amazing how quickly a year can pass. We remember when The Colbert Report was the small prune-faced baby, cradled against The Daily Show‘s bosom in a fur-lined papoose, and breastfed by legion’s of satire-hungry Americans. Now, one year later, and The Colbert Report has blossomed into it’s own phenomenon, a strong and able-bodied half hour of comedy that can sit fully upright on its own.
To celebrate the year anniversary, the show is auctioning off the famous portrait of Stephen Colbert that hangs over the set’s mantlepiece. The description reads:
The portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace and in front of a previous portrait, will be replaced with a new portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace, in front of a previous portrait, in front of a previous portrait. At least one critic has already heralded the Stephen Colbert Portrait Series as â€œthe equivalent of the Genius Grant, the Fibonacci Sequence, and â€˜The DaVinci Codeâ€™ combined.â€
All of the proceeds will be donated to the Save the Children Foundation (Madonna…) Good luck guys! And Happy Birthday!
It occurred to us today that it’s been awhile since we’ve seen or heard from Burt Reynolds. So what better way to reintroduce him to our lives than with a video that takes a look at what some of our favorite celebs/hated dictators would look like with a Burt’s famous moustache. The only person missing? Norm MacDonald. :uI( (Emoticon with Burt-stache.)
Bonus: Enjoy this Norm as Burt clip on Celebrity Jeopardy, free of charge.
Which burly man was spotted sporting short shorts revealing his masculine hairy legs? Wesley Snipes? Diddy? Play from Kid & Play? Take a guess, then find out the answer by clicking below!
[Thanks to Faded Youth]
Please, watch this short instructional video, courtesy of The Late Show with David Letterman, for how to ensure you have the the most relaxing, stress-free two week vacation ever. This method can also be used when quitting a job or wishing your boss a Happy Birthday. (NSFW if your W doesn’t allow “bleeps.”)
As we reported yesterday, actor Wesley Snipes was indicted by a federal grand jury in Florida, for keeping nearly $12 million owed to the goverment in taxes. As a result, the actor seen in movies such as Major League, Passenger 57 and Blade faces up to 16 years in prison… if authorities can find him. It seems Snipes is on the run from authorities, and his Orlando, Florida home is currently unoccupied. And while we adore Wezzy, we also love the law. So we thought we’d compile a list of some of the more obvious places Wesley Snipes might be hiding… let us know if we’ve left any out in the comments.
- In a Rubbermaid trash can in Stephen Dorff‘s garage.
- Trick or Treating in his Blade costume.
- A roulette table, betting on… never mind.
- Stealing bases in Cleveland.
- Sleeping with a 33-year-old woman in a Chicago crack house who later bore his son.
- Under Patrick Swayze‘s skirt.
- Dangling from a hanger in a coat closet at The Pentagon.
- In the cargo hold.
- Teaching karate to 4 year olds in Peoria, Illinois.
- Under the President’s bed.
- Mowing Spike Lee‘s lawn for cash.
- On a train holding a suspicious money sack filled with $12 million.
- Filming a new good cop/vampire cop comedy with Woody Harrelson.
For a country so outraged by a comedian’s portrayal of their people as laughable charmingly-racist imbeciles, you’d think Kazakhstan might make a few “above and beyond” efforts to prove themselves otherwise. Like, oh I don’t know…making sure the word “bank” is spelled properly ON THEIR NATIONAL CURRENCY! But I guess you need not bother with inconsequential details such as “spell-checking” when you’re filming a forty million dollar propaganda movie whose whole message is essentially, “Nuh-uh!” Does anyone know how many Kazakhis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You know when you combine Beck and director Michel Gondry, you’re going to end up with a really cool video. It’d be impossible not to. Case in point:
In anticipation of the release of Borat, now only T-minus 16 days-and-counting away from hitting theaters, we will continue our shameless ’round-the-clock plugging of a movie in which we have no particular investment other than our own burning desire to laugh our faces off at it. The latest morsel of hilarity comes via reader Brooklyn Ski Club, who dropped us a link to SIX seperate deleted scenes from the film, our personal favorite being the one below, wherein Borat explains to the Dallas PD why they’d be wise to leave his “anoose” alone. Check it out and don’t forget to keep dropping us the goods, Borat-related or otherwise!
Sorry I Got Drunk spotted this ad/ thank-you card in yesterday’s Variety. South Park creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker prove, once again, that they’re funnier than just about everybody else in Hollywood. And probably way more stoned, too.
Click here to see the full ad.