While You Were Walking Out Of Clerks II

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  • Superman Brandon Routh shunned dating and drugs because he was worried it’d ruin his chances of making it in Hollywood. But now that he’s a success, bring on the hookers and blow!
  • Jessica Simpson’s mom stopped a photoshoot because it was too risque and made Jess look like a slut. Joe Simpson apologized and promised he wouldn’t take pictures like that ever again.
  • Britney and Kevin have reportedly planned an intimate ceremony to renew their wedding vows. The only difference is, this time Kevin promises he’ll pay attention.
  • One of the stars of the ABC Family show Wildfire was arrested for assaulting his wife. The network responded by immediately yanking the show and moving it to their sister station ABC Dysfunctional Families.
  • Heidi Klum insists that she will give birth to her second baby the traditional way, not via water birth. Which is terrible, because I had about a hundred baby Seal / water birth jokes ready. Damn.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, July 18th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, July 18th! Michelle Collins is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Rock Star: Supernova and Last Comic Standing!

…Of The Day

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  • THE NEW BIGFOOT: Look! It’s Suri! It’s Suri! I think it’s Suri… wait, it’s Suri! (Hot Momma Drama)
  • MOVIE: The short version of The Big Lebowski. Somehow it’s even more NSFW than the long version. (Gorillamask)
  • TOO HOT TO BE EMO: Joanna covers Dashboard Confessional. Oh come on, look at her. What could she possibly be whining about? (Celebutaint)
  • MAGIC HANDS: Bush groped German Chancellor Angela Merkel at the G-8 Summit. What’s up with this summit??? It’s like beach week over there. (Huff Po)
  • CHARITY: Denise Richards is baring it all for charity. More hot, desperate female celebrities should be this charitable. (A Socialite’s Life)

ICYMI: Barbara Still Puzzled By Black Women

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A couple of weeks ago R&B singer Brandy dropped by The View. Judging by the way Barbara Walters teased her and pawed at her hair, you’d think Barbara had never sat next to a black woman before. Well, not by choice, anyway.

I was willing to brush the hair pulling aside (no pun intended) and write it off as an isolated incident… but that was up until Tanika Ray came in today. Now I know it wasn’t a one-time thing. It’s an epidemic. And Barbara Walters must be stopped. See for yourself.

Is it time for an intervention? I think it might be.

SIZZLER: Did You See the Size of That (Kid) Rock?

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rock_anderson4_wire.jpgOur hearts are a bit a-flutter, and we’re feeling a little bit nauseous. Chances are it’s because we just took another spin on that crazy love rollercoaster known as the “Kid Rock and Pam Anderson Wedding Nuptuals Whirly-Go-Round.”

It was announced today that the on-again, off-again pair are totes ON-again, following a romantic jaunt in St. Tropez for Pam-Pam’s 39th birthday, where Kid proposed. (Sidenote: Only 39! She doesn’t look a day over 415.)

While few details about the wedding itself have been released, our minds are racing: What will Pamela wear? Do they even make such a thing as sheer, thong wedding gowns? Will Kid Rock, aka Bob Ritchie (no relation to Nicole) have his wife-beater bedazzled? Trimmed with lace? Will they order their cake from Masterbakers? Because they’re trashy like that? Or will Pam have her implants removed for the big day, to class it up a little?

Perhaps most importantly, what will their wedding song be? “Afternoon Delight”? “Freak Like Me”? Leave your guesses in the comments!

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Head over to Looking At Them… because you need more Isaac Hayes, Frank Sinatra and Tom Jones on your iPod. Don’t you?
  • IndieChristoph has a ton of great covers today, including Ted Leo covering The Jam, Phantom Planet covering Elvis Costello and Elliott Smith covering Led Zeppelin.
  • I posted a link to a couple of Girl Talk mp3s yesterday and I’m doing it again today. Why? Because it’s awesome. Swing by MyselfMyself now.
  • Pitchforkmedia loves the new Lily Allen album- what do you think? If you haven’t heard it yet, you can get a big sample over at Sit Down Stand Up.
  • And finally, one of my personal faves Ben Kweller has a new album coming out in September. I can’t wait. In the meantime, I’m going to download everything I can off of Think Tank, including a great cover of “Kokomo” with Adam Green. It’s a good day.

The Lifecycle of the Party Girl

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And now it is time for a very important BWE After School message, in which we warn our younger readers about the various dangers they might soon be facing. This week, we’re taking a look at an epidemic that’s currently sweeping our nation from Hollywood to Manhattan – the party girl.

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Phase One: Initial Seduction

Young, fresh-faced, newly-famous and still innocently untainted, you are easily seduced by a glamorous life of excess and luxury, never knowing the debasement and despair that awaits you once your good looks are finally gone.

Read more…